“I see recovery as a kintsugi vase” – Robin’s story

Robin was out of work for years when his psychosis and depression was at its worst. With support from our Coventry & Warwickshire IPS service, Robin has found his purpose again.

When I was first diagnosed in 2002, it didn’t seem like employment was something that people with my diagnosis really went into. I’ve travelled through the diagnoses – bipolar disorder, then psychosis, anxiety and depression.

The first time I realised I had a mental illness was when the job centre said that I didn’t have to sign on because I can go on benefits. I stopped looking for jobs and things got worse. I became isolated, was sleeping all the time and had nothing to live for. Getting a job would mean losing my benefits, so this kept me off work for years.

I always thought work would make me feel worse. I worked when I wasn’t feeling well, in jobs I didn’t enjoy, so I thought I was incapable of working. It felt like such a risk going into employment. But employment really helps me value myself more. There are many days where I don’t want to go to work because my mental health wasn’t quite right, but then I went in anyway, finished the day and my mental health was always a little bit better.

The biggest thing for me with Rethink IPS was that I felt listened to. It felt person-centred and very natural. I felt valued again. I had Uche as an Employment Specialist (ES) who got in touch with me once or twice a week. I’ve experienced it so many times where services take your details and nothing happens - you just stay in the service forever. With Rethink IPS, they didn’t want me sat where I was at. Things were actually moving forward; there was progress and momentum.

Having Uche from IPS, a neutral person to talk to, was like lifting the lid on a pressure cooker. It got to a point where my first role in the NHS was really affecting me and I couldn’t see myself finishing the contract. With my permission, Uche spoke to my managers and we changed my hours. Without Uche, I wouldn’t have been able to continue in that job or have three different supervisors supporting me at work.

Sometimes, it’s not the job that’s overwhelming, it’s the social isolation and getting to that job. I went on to work with Rethink IPS as a Peer Specialist, providing travel support. I wanted to help people get to the point where employment felt like a choice again. Where other factors - like feeling isolated or like you don’t belong - aren’t holding you back from making that choice.

I’ve walked that road myself. I’ve been frightened of work, of losing my benefits and feeling like I didn’t belong. Bringing that hope to someone, showing them that things can really change and that work is becoming more accessible, is so important.

I’m very grateful for Rethink. With Rethink, I also co-produced new services as an Expert by Experience, like the enablement pathway, which is where I work now. It has all threaded together. The skills that I learnt through Rethink pushed another job under my door – an Assistant Researcher of psychosis at Oxford university! Education has been really allergic to me – I’ve wanted to access it, but it’s been really difficult over the years. To work at Oxford now is unbelievable!

When you’ve experienced poor mental health, you think those years are completely wasted. But they’ve been like a really hard school, where I learnt and lived with mental illness quite severely. Through that, I’ve been able to improve services and people’s lives.

I see recovery as a kintsugi vase. When we break a vase, we sweep it up and throw it away. But in Japan, when a vase gets toppled over, they stick it back together with gold to make it stronger again; to not hide the cracks, but really celebrate those cracks. If the vase falls again, it won’t break in the same spot because it has been reinforced with gold. When my mental health breaks down, I think: how am I ever going to put myself back together again? And bit by bit, we learn how to.

Having a mental health condition is something that people used to be ashamed about but actually, how we challenge adversity makes us who we are.