“I have found my element” – Alastair’s story

For World Bipolar Day, Alastair explores his journey with bipolar disorder. He reflects on stigma, support and what he finds important in life.

I was first diagnosed with schizophrenia in 1979. In those days, ‘schizophrenia’ was a term which applied to a wide variety of mental illnesses and carried a huge stigma. At school, other boys did not understand my erratic behaviour and labelled me a ‘psycho’ because it was easier and quicker to tarnish me with this brush than to try to understand me.

In the last 30 years, the term bipolar disorder is more relevant to my condition. There are a number of bipolar diagnoses: type one, type two and cyclothymic. These days, when I say I have bipolar to anyone, they are definitely less judgemental.

Since then, I’ve had a total of five further acute periods where mania and intense paranoia were the biggest factors in my condition. I received cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) from 1996 to 1998. My psychologist addressed the paranoia with some simple exercises, for example, keeping a thought record where I rationalised fearful thoughts through reasoning. This made a huge impact on my recovery and catapulted me into a long spell of good health.

I’ve been administered medication since I was sixteen, and have remained on antipsychotic and mood stabilisers ever since. I’ve been admitted a total of seven times, for up to three months at a time, and five times in my local psychiatric hospital. My last episode was during an inpatient stay in 2022, where I was mistreated and abused by the staff. I exited no better than when I went in and recovered elsewhere on discharge. 

I’ve experienced the good times as well as the bad times. I qualified as a teacher and taught in Kenya for a while. I also served in the galley on a cruise ship in Senegal for a number of months. In 2008, I took up a job in sales and was successful. These achievements have led to a huge feeling of self-worth and personal satisfaction. 

I’m now training to become a therapeutic counsellor. This is something I definitely feel called to do, I have found my element. I am naturally drawn to counselling because having overcome my own demons, I am now in a position to help others overcome theirs. It feels like a natural, helpful and progressive step forward.

These days, my life revolves around looking for work as a support worker, spending quality time with my friends and attending social and church related events. I wrote my autobiography, ‘Despite It All: Overcoming Bipolar’, last year and have a number of launches and signings lined up already. It outlines my journey travelling through life with bipolar, the highs, lows and everything in between. I also attend a local church where I receive support, have a large network of friends and two surviving brothers who show interest in my progress. 

To manage my condition, I make sure I get enough sleep at night, take medication and don't feel over stretched or over stressed. If this happens, I take a step back from one or two commitments for a short while as I recover and recharge. 

I also seek wise advice of a good friend or two, who have also suffered with this type of condition. Having friends who have travelled along the same path as I have, and a few others who may not have but still understand me, is of vital importance. It is essential to be able to share and discuss openly without the fear of condemnation or rejection; to be able to come to terms with everyday pitfalls and barriers.

Rethink Mental Illness are a fantastic charity to approach for help and advice. They have helped me at certain critical times in my life, when I have been low or confused. I would recommend them to anyone who is experiencing difficulties. 

If you’re experiencing bipolar for the first time, please don’t give up on yourself. If you are helping someone else go through it for the first time, there is support at hand. Like other illnesses, mental or physical, the earlier intervention or treatment is embarked upon, the more likely the outcome will be successful.