Frequently asked Q's

• What is relationship OCD?

  Relationship OCD is a kind of OCD where the theme is relationships.

  See What is OCD? below, for more information on what it is.

  You might worry about your relationship. Relationship OCD is when this worry becomes more than usual.  

  Instead of normal doubts, you get stuck with repeated, distressing thoughts about your partner or how “right” the relationship is.  

  To try to reduce your anxiety about these thoughts, you might think or do something over and over again - a compulsion. 

  Relationship OCD can make both partners feel stressed, leading to arguments or hurt feelings. 

  The good news is that therapy and support can help. With practice, you can learn to handle your symptoms and feel more confident in relationships.

• What is OCD?

  Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder.

  If you live with OCD, you have obsessions, which are upsetting thoughts or images. These thoughts pop up again and again, even if you try to ignore them. Obsessions can cause you stress, fear, or worry.

  To cope, you do compulsions, which are repeated actions or thoughts. Compulsions can be:

  • physical, like washing hands, or
  • mental, like silently repeated a ‘good’ phrase in your head to cancel out a ‘bad’ thought.

  OCD can take up lots of time and energy, making your daily life harder. It affects everyone differently, but support and treatment can help.

  You can find out more about OCD here.

• What are the symptoms of relationship OCD?

  Here are some signs that you might be experiencing relationship OCD:

  • Constant doubt: asking “Is this relationship right?” over and over.  
  • Focusing on your partner’s flaws or worrying about their past.
  • Reassurance seeking: asking your partner the same question many times.
  • Mental compulsions: Constantly checking your own feelings, like “Do I have doubts about this relationship?” or “Am I looking for someone else?”
  • Confessing doubts: telling your partner about every worry you have, even small ones.
  • You might often compare your relationship or your partner to others.
  • Losing time: spending hours a day worrying or doing mental rituals.
  • Feeling insecure because of these thoughts. 

  The 2 manuals usually used by medical professionals in England to diagnose mental health conditions are the: 

  • International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11), and  
  • Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-5).

  Relationship OCD is not listed as a specific diagnosis in these manuals. But if you live with it, you can get diagnosed with OCD and be offered suitable treatments.

• What causes relationship OCD?

  There is no one single cause. But experts think some possible causes are:

  • Life events. OCD may be more common in people who have experienced a traumatic or upsetting event or events.
  • Low self-esteem or fear of being unlovable.  
  • Believing that your partner should be perfect.  
  • How safe or anxious you feel about closeness.
  • Differences in your brain activity. Some people with OCD have areas of very high activity in their brain. Or low levels of a chemical called serotonin.  
  • Family history. You are more likely to develop OCD if a family member lives with it. It might be learned behaviour. But it could be because of your genes.  
• How can relationship OCD affect relationships?

  Relationship OCD can put a strain on love, friendships, or romantic relationships in many ways:

  • Your thoughts and behaviours can make you become distant from your partner.
  • Your partner may feel hurt, frustrated, or unsure about your love.  
  • It can lead to arguments, misunderstandings, or trust issues.  
  • You may avoid relationships altogether because of the fear and doubt.
  • Over time, you might feel lower self-worth or shame about having these thoughts. 
  • Your partner might feel frustration and confusion if they do not understand why you are anxious.
  • You might think that you must hide what you are thinking and feeling, because you are worried about rejection. 
• Shannon’s story

  You can read Shannon’s story, Relationship OCD - constant, chronic obsession and doubt.

  Shannon explains how relationship OCD can vary from day to day and person to person. But it does not have to rule your life.

• How is relationship OCD treated?

  OCD is usually treated with the following treatments: 

  • cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)
  • exposure and response prevention (ERP), and
  • medication.

  CBT is a talking therapy that looks at the link between how you think, feel and behave. 

  ERP helps people deal with situations or things that make them anxious or frightened. With the support of your therapist, you are ‘exposed’ to whatever makes you frightened or anxious.    

  Your doctor may offer you a type of antidepressant called a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI). The main types of SSRIs doctors offer for OCD are fluoxetine, fluvoxamine, paroxetine, sertraline, and citalopram. 

  For more information on these treatments, you can see our page on Obsessive compulsive disorders (OCD).

• What can I do if I think I am experiencing the condition?

  
  If you live with relationship OCD, remember that support is available, and recovery is possible.

  It can help to:

  • Acknowledge your symptoms: Recognising that you might be experiencing the condition is the first step towards managing it.
  • Seek professional help: Consult your GP or a mental health professional for guidance and support.
  • Get therapy: you can contact your local NHS talking therapy service for free therapy. Or get a private therapist. See here for more information.
  • Learn about OCD and relationship OCD. Knowing how OCD works can help you to start to manage your symptoms.
  • Talk with your partner, if you want to. You could share what’s going on, so they know it’s not about them.
  • Share your feelings with someone. If you want to talk to someone about how you are feeling, you can click here for more advice and information.
  • Practice self-help.  Click here and see ‘What other help can I get?’ then ‘What can I do to help myself?’
  • Join a support group. Hearing others’ stories, and sharing yours, helps you feel less alone. See here and here.
• Useful contacts

  CD-UK
  OCD-UK has been working for children and adults affected by OCD since 2004.They provide advice, information, and support services for those affected by OCD, and campaign to end the trivialisation and stigma of OCD. If you cannot get through on the helpline, you can email for advice.

  Phone helpline: 01332 588112
  Address: Suite 8, Riverside Business Centre, Foundry Lane, Milford, Derbyshire DE56 0RN
  Email: support@ocduk.org 
  Website: www.ocduk.org

  OCD Action
  National charity focusing on OCD.

  Phone: 0300 636 5478
  Address: Suite 506-507 Davina House, 137-149 Goswell Road, London EC1V 7ET
  Email: support@ocdaction.org.uk
  Website: www.ocdaction.org.uk

  Triumph Over Phobia (TOP UK)
  A UK registered charity which aims to help people who experience phobias, obsessive compulsive disorder and other related anxiety. They do this by running a network of self-help therapy groups.

  Phone: 01225 571740

  Email: info@topuk.org
  Website: www.topuk.org