Mary lives with schizophrenia and shares her first experience of hallucinations. She shares her artwork, exploring how it helps her wellbeing and to connect with others. Mary’s story goes into detail about her first experience of hallucinations. Please take care when reading.

In school, I did feel different around other people but didn’t know what was wrong with me at the time. I was a bit of a tomboy, played with all my friends and found how much I enjoyed arts and crafts. My favourite artists are Picasso, Michelangelo and Van Gogh. I particularly enjoy drawing abstract shapes and portraits, and making greeting cards. I left school with a B in Higher Art and Design and went to college to study graphic design.

I had a job in a graphics design company for around six months and ended up having to leave because of the way I was feeling. I was on the bus to the job centre one day when I started feeling weird. Everyone on the bus was talking really fast and I heard scratching noises from the windows. I was hallucinating and having a panic attack. I got off the bus and decided to walk the rest of the way to the job centre. When I arrived, I thought the staff were wearing white coats, so I soon left again, only to see a red figure outside in a car with a hook for 
a hand.

I eventually found myself in a nearby college building, where I fainted. The kind staff called an ambulance for me. I was taken to hospital and seen by a psychiatrist, all whilst still actively hallucinating. In the ambulance, I heard scratching on the windows again and thought Freddy Krueger was after me. I was eventually diagnosed with schizophrenia, but didn’t know what that meant at the time.

The staff in the hospital were so nice. There was a great nurse who would sing to me and take me for walks. I also met another patient, Robert, who changed my life completely. When we met, I knew I had just found a really special friend. Our love grew and we later got engaged. Robert understands my illness and I am so happy to be married now.

Art has really helped me – when I draw or paint, it makes me feel happy and relaxed. I have been to art classes and even been involved in exhibitions. I love to share my drawings and cards with friends and family. One of the most life-changing things for me was the studio space my husband Robert built for me. I wouldn’t be where I am now if it wasn’t for him, because he gave me the confidence to be who I am.