Starting a new chapter – Melissa’s story

For World Mental Health Day, Melissa, who is a member of Rethink Mental Illness, shares her journey with EUPD (emotionally unstable personality disorder). Despite the many challenges she has faced, Melissa remains hopeful for her future.

Trigger/content warning: homophobia, sexual assault

Navigating childhood

Growing up, my father was an alcoholic and my mother was always trying her best to keep things as calm as possible. My childhood was very difficult; I saw and experienced things no child should ever have to go through. My household was a very angry place. A typical case of what happens behind closed doors, stays behind closed doors. Unfortunately, because I was taught this from a very young age, it became impossible for me to open up about things.

My first experiences with mental health issues

During my school years, I was bullied for my weight and sexuality. That’s when my mental health issues started. I first struggled with self-harm at the age of 11. I was offered no support. Over the next few years, my mental health declined further, the bullying got worse and I became a victim of a homophobic attack on my way back from school.

To cope, I fixated on weight loss. By the time I hit 14, I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa and taken out of school. I spent the next year constantly in and out of an eating disorder clinic.

By the time I was allowed back to school, my struggles with self-harm and my mood had hit an all-time low. I felt I had no way out. So, I attempted suicide. I was then sent to hospital and an outreach school. This turned out to be one of the best things for me. During my time there, I managed to get off my meal plan and my self-harm slowed a bit.

Being detained under the Mental Health Act

Towards the end of my time at school, I began to act strange. My mum took me to the hospital where it was explained I was experiencing psychosis. I was sectioned under the Mental Health Act. I don’t remember this experience, but still to this day I get flashbacks from the restraints and sedation. 

During my section, I wasn’t supported properly. This was one of the toughest experiences of my life. I was released a day before my GCSEs and convinced the school to let me sit them. I failed all of my exams, but to this day it's one of my biggest achievements because I can say that I tried.

Life after hospital

At 16, I got into a study program, where I gained qualifications in functional skills. I moved into a job working with adults experiencing a range of disabilities. This was an amazing experience and I loved it. I managed to get my diploma and apply to university.

During this time, I was also diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD), which put so many things into perspective and helped me to understand myself more. My mental health was improving.

However, before I moved to university, I was sexually assaulted at a family wedding. This flipped my world upside down and my mental health hit rock bottom again. I developed non-epileptic attack disorder (NEAD), which was my body’s response to the various traumas I experienced.

I decided to still go to university and became a criminology student. It was scary at first, but coming to university made me realise what I was capable of. It helped me flourish. I met some incredible people - friends and lecturers who helped me through everything. Things are starting to look up.

Where I’m at now

I've completed first year and I’m currently three months clean from ten years of self-harm. I still have my bad days and was diagnosed with EUPD recently. It was tough, but helped me to realise what was really going on. I'm able to cope a lot better. I'm finally living the life younger Melissa deserved. I can genuinely say I'm enjoying life again.

I honestly wouldn’t change my experiences because they made me who I am today. They gave me the drive to help others in any way I can.

Our stories may be hard, and it's ok to end a chapter and start a new one. But you never have to end the story. It gets better, I promise.