“I barely slept for a week” – Rose’s story

A stock photo has been used on this blog at the request of the author. 

Rose shares her experience with depression and being detained under the Mental Health Act. With the right support, she is now in a much better place with her condition. 

I’ve experienced depression on and off since my early teen years. It got worse in my mid to late teens. I was unable to get out of bed, eat enough and keep up with daily hygiene.

I was in a Specialist Provision for school. The staff were understanding and helpful about the hard time I was going through. I would lie with my head on the desk in lessons, and found it hard to focus and do the assignments. This had a big impact on my friendships, something I already found hard with my autism anyway. I’d cry almost every day because I felt so low. I didn’t pass many GCSEs because there was too much going on.

For a week in early 2024, I became manic, as well as depressed. I was thrashing around, throwing and breaking things, trying to harm myself and end my own life. I barely slept for a week.

I was detained under Section 2 of the Mental Health Act. My stay was only a few days, just to get my medication looked at. As I’m autistic, I found hospital very overwhelming. I hated the lights in my room because they were too bright and harsh.

Since then, I’ve lived in dispersed supported housing for people experiencing mental health problems. After trying a bunch of antidepressants over the years, I’m on an antipsychotic medication that has mood stabilising properties, which works far better than any other medication I’ve ever taken. I’m the most stable I’ve been in years. I currently receive support from the community mental health team. I also have a very good support network of family and friends.

My current community mental health team are offering DBT (dialectical behavioural therapy) which really helps. I’ve also done family therapy as well. My support staff come out every day. They make sure I’m up, dressed and that I’ve taken my medication. They also help me with housework, shopping, cooking and more. I recently discovered running over the last couple of years, which I try to do every day as it clears my head. 

I find there is a lot of stigma around taking mental health medication, especially antipsychotics and mood stabilisers, but they can really help. I've given myself a lot of shame and grief for needing medication. I sometimes think to myself, "some people don't need them, so why do I?” But I need to remember how much this medication has helped me.

There is no shame in needing help. Don’t compare yourself to anyone else because we’re all on our own paths, with our own battles to fight and hurdles to overcome. We all need help sometimes. You’re not a failure if you need help.