Bereaved by suicide – Jeremy’s story

Jeremy accessed Rethink’s Bereaved by Suicide Service when his sister very sadly took her own life. With long-term support, he is now able to process his grief.

It was Christmas, 2023. My family were all together, and we had a fun and loving Christmas. My 67 year old sister was at the heart of our celebrations, cooking, eating, drinking, telling jokes and playing games, her usual ebullient and caring self. Six months later, she ended her life after a sudden downward mental spiral lasting maybe four months, eventually passing a point of no return.

Her friends and family were unable to reach her. She’d tell the doctor she was mentally fine and distracted him with made-up physical problems. She refused medication and obsessed about non-existent problems with her little house.

During her funeral, I mentioned in my eulogy that all of her friends and family, who were gathered in disbelief and sadness, shouldn’t blame themselves or ask ‘what if’ or ‘if only I’d…’. We all did our best for her. 

While it’s easy to say ‘don’t blame yourself’, it’s not so easy to do. I felt desperately sad about my spectacular sister and to see so many loved ones in distress. I missed her and knew our lives would never be the same. We’re all diminished by our loss and guilt has crept in. It’s harder now to regulate my emotions, onset low mood, depression and loneliness. Strangely, it has all affected my self-confidence. I didn’t know how to cope with this turmoil.

I spoke to my GP and got referred to Rethink’s Bereaved by Suicide Service in Brighton and Hove. I’d say persist with your GP to get the mental support you need. Maria, my suicide bereavement counsellor, was immediately engaged and supportive, providing soothing concern and helping me to understand my emotions. She explained that what I was feeling was normal, that I wasn’t alone. She also gave me practical tips on how to manage myself. It was all so incredibly valuable and helpful.

I couldn’t be more grateful for Maria’s empathy, knowledge, compassion and support. I understand myself better now thanks to this fantastic Rethink service. Of course, I still miss my sister every single day. But with greater understanding and the passage of time, the future is getting brighter.