Supporting someone with a mental illness

If you support someone with a mental illness you may face practical, financial and emotional problems from time to time. This factsheet looks at tips and suggestions to help you support someone.

Overview

There is no ‘one size fits all’ way to support someone with a mental illness. How you care for someone will depend on you and the person you care for.

It can help to understand the diagnosis and how it affects the person you care for. Setting out roles and responsibilities together can be useful.

Be patient. Getting better can take time.

The person you care for may have very challenging and complex behaviour. This can cause a lot of stress between you and the person you are caring for. There will be help available, however.

Encourage the person you are supporting to be independent and take part in everyday activities.

If you live together setting out house rules can help.

Make a crisis or emergency plan.

Remember that you are not to blame if things get difficult.

Make sure you look after yourself and your own wellbeing.

Learning about the illness

Learn about the illness, if the person you care for has been given a
diagnosis. This can help you understand how it affects them and might make you feel more confident caring for them.

You can learn about the illness by going to carers groups or services. There you can meet others who may have been through similar experiences and get support and information. Most areas have carers groups or services. You can search online or contact local social services to enquire about different groups.

You can also learn about mental illnesses on trusted websites. Rethink Mental Illness, Mind and the NHS have reliable information about mental health conditions. You could also buy, or borrow a book about the condition from the library.

Talk to the person you are supporting about what symptoms they get when they are becoming unwell. This might help you recognise if they are becoming unwell in the future. You should talk about what medication they are taking, when they take it and if they have any side effects.

Looking after yourself

Emotionally

If you care for someone with a mental illness, you might find it stressful and difficult. It is important to look after your own health and wellbeing. 

You can try some of the following things to help look after yourself.

  • Understand what you can and can’t do as a carer.
  • Understand what the person you care for can and can’t do.
  • Give yourself time to do things you want to do, such as a hobby or leisure activity.
  • Try and keep physically active and have a well balanced diet.
  • Keep an eye on your own health and know when you need a break.
  • Join a carers or support group for peer support. You can also use an emotional support service if you are unable to get to meetings. If you are feeling low or stressed, talk to your doctor about this - perhaps counselling, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), or other treatment will help you.

Practically

You may have to organise appointments or meetings, if you are supporting someone with a mental illness. There are some things you can do to help with this.

  • Keep a diary for their appointments and meetings.
  • Keep a diary of medications and times to be taken, checking them off as they are taken.
  • Know what benefits you may be entitled to.
  • Ask your local council’s social services department for a ‘carer’s assessment’. This assessment will see if you need any services to help you support someone.
  • See if there are any local services that can help you with practical support. Your local authority may have an updated list of local carers groups and services. Check their website or call them. 

Providing emotional support

Offer to listen to the person you are supporting. Listening to someone
does not mean you have to say much back to them. Sometimes they may find it helpful to just talk to you about their problems, and to know that you are there to listen.

Do not be afraid to ask them questions about how they are feeling, and listen to their answers. If they are not feeling great, ask if you can do anything to help. Make sure you do not take on too much or that they aren’t overwhelmed.

 

 

How do I encourage the person I care for to get treatment?

You might find that the person you are supporting doesn’t want to get treatment. This might be because they:

  • do not think they need help and things will get better on their own,
  • are so unwell they do not think treatment will work,
  • do not understand they are unwell,
  • are scared of what will happen to them if they tell their doctor how they feel,
  • are worried what other people might think,
  • are worried it will affect their job or studies, and
  • feel hopeless.

If the person you care for doesn’t want to get help, it can be very
frustrating. Nobody can force someone else to get medical  treatment unless they are in hospital under the Mental Health Act (sometimes called being ‘sectioned’), or on a ‘community treatment order’. 

It may help if you offer to go to an appointment with them and support them during that appointment. If they don’t want you to go into the appointment you could offer to wait outside the surgery or in the waiting area.

If someone you care for does not want to get help you could try to:

  • talk to them about how they feel,
  • ask them why they do not want to get help,
  • explain that you are worried because they seem upset, down,
    stressed or worried and you want to try help them,
  • explain what kind of help they could get, and
  • offer to help them talk to their doctor or offer to talk to their doctor before their appointment.

If the person you are supporting has delusional or paranoid beliefs, they may feel that other people such as GPs are plotting against them. This is a difficult situation to manage, and is common in psychotic conditions such as schizophrenia. It can make things worse if you try to directly challenge the delusions. This might be by saying trying to explain the doctor is there to help. In the short term you may wish to concentrate on other ways of making sure the person is safe and healthy, and perhaps ask for help from
social services.

Some people might refuse to get help even if you try to support them. It is important not to give up and to stay hopeful - it might take a while before they get help.

How can I help the person I care for stay independent and eat well?

When you care for someone they can become very dependent on you. Over time the person you care for can rely on you for things they could do themselves. Think about giving them more chances to make decisions and do things for themselves. Over time they may become more comfortable making decisions, which may take some of the pressure off you. 

You can try the following:

  • Set up some boundaries. You do this by deciding how much you can do and how much you want to do. Talk to the person you care for and tell them what you have decided. Remember, once you set up these boundaries it is important to stick to them.
  • Talk about the skills the person you care for needs to focus on and agree goals. You can agree to show them how to do something and help them with it for a while until they are confident to do it alone. An example of this might be doing their own laundry or going to the shops.
  • The person you care for may have support from a Community Mental Health Team (CMHT) or other mental health services. You could talk to their ‘care coordinator’ about their care plan. You can ask if they are doing anything to help them develop independent living skills. If the person is living on their own you could ask about getting help from an occupational therapist or floating support.
  • You can encourage the person you support to use a personal budget to pay for services that could improve their day to day life. A personal budget is when social services assess their social care needs. They are then given money which they can choose to spend on services they need. Types of services could include computer classes or a gym membership. Choosing their own service can improve how they feel about themselves. Some services can also improve confidence and help to establish a routine.

Diet, exercise and staying active are important for everyone. Staying active, if you have a mental illness can be especially important. It can help improve mood and can help with some of the side effects that medication causes. You could try to invite the person you care to go for a walk, swim or to the gym. It can be helpful for you as well to have a routine of getting out and about.

If the person you care for can’t leave the house you can ask them to do cleaning around the house. They can help prepare for meals or do home exercises. You can get free exercises on the internet or borrow DVDs from your local library. They may not want to do these and find them boring, but it is important to have some routine and responsibilities during the day. 

An unbalanced diet or eating too much or not enough can make getting better harder. You can ask your GP for a healthy diet plan which gives tips and recipe ideas to try out.

More information

Our Supporting someone with mental illness factsheet has additional sections that you might find useful. These include: 

  • Supporting someone in their own home
  • Helping someone manage work and money
  • Dealing with crisis situations. 

Please download the factsheet using the button at the top of the page for this additional content. 

 

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