[beach_house]

*deep breath*

This is the first time I have posted on any sort of forum and I am very emotional at the moment so apologies in advance for the stream of consciousness that is to follow.

To give you a bit of context I am a 26 year old female, been to university, doing well in my career. Our parents separated back when I was 11 and my Dad is an alcoholic. Forunately for my brother and I we were privately educated and went to excellent schools. However, my brother has been troublesome since he was 14. He dropped out of school age 15, drank too much, smoked too much and always had very strange ideas from the age of 9, mostly that of persecution from the whole family. I think my Dad's alcohol problems and my parents messy divorce has a lot to do with it. I seem to have come out of it relatively unscathed but I do suffer with anxiety and take meds for this.

My brother, who is now 25 was sectioned on Thursday. To cut an extremely long story short he has suffered with severe depression/psychotic episodes/delusional beliefs/hallucinations for the past two years. The trigger was splitting up with his girlfriend and losing his job and car at the same time. He moved back in with our mum two years ago and he has just deterioated since.

It started with him just sitting in his room all day and not coming out. It then went on to include delusional beliefs (all centering on the family including mind control, emotional dependency, persecution from us again, none of which was actually happening). He would go out at the crack of dawn and wonder the streets for 15 hours then come back late at night dehydrated. By June last year he was spending most days in a catatonic state (like a statue for 12 hours at a time) in the sunshine, skin burning. His head would move in a weird way, involuntarily. It was clear to me this was psychosis of some sort. The catatonic states would only be broken by sudden aggressive paranoid outbursts. He once drew a diagram of how I controlled him (from my flat in Edinburgh at the time). He would talk to family members for hours on end that weren't in the same room, let alone country as him. He complained that the devil was living in his head. He also decided he is in a relationship with someone he hasn't seen in over 15 years.

So this time last year we got the mental health intervention team out to see him. He presented as being COMPLETELEY NORMAL. He SMILED, SPOKE, TALKED. He had not done these things for a YEAR. You can imagine how frustrating this is. They went away and said THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH HIM. My mum had to leave her job due to stress and to look after him. I was living up north and couldn't do much about it.

It got to the stage where my brother was being violent towards my mum and after numerous interventions from the police, she changed the locks. My Dad told him to live with him. He refused because he hates my dad for all these paranoid reasons and then went missing for weeks. He slept on varoius friends' sofas until they couldn't tolerate him anymore. He was then homeless for weeks. Eventually he turned up at our dad's house.

The descent into madness continued. He continued with the psychotic episodes, violence towards my dad, endless catatonic states and paranoid theories about "the family".

I got to the end of my tether and called the mental health team again. (My dad is an alcoholic and is not able to do much). They went out that day (two weeks ago) and diagnosed clinical depression. Now, without sounding arrogant I have a psychology degree and I KNOW he has psychosis, potentially schizophrenia. They gave him two weeks to go to a GP to get treated. I knew he wouldn't, and he didn't. Two weeks later I called the mental health team back and they went to his house. He refused to co-operate and just watched porn in front of them all and my dad. They decided to section him that night.

Whilst waiting for the police and the ambulance, he ran away. The police ended up searching for him all night but couldn't find him. Eventually he turned up at dads house the next morning and the team took him away to the local mental health unit where he was sectioned and admitted. I cried when I found out that after TWO YEARS and NOBODY LISTENING TO US he might FINALLY get some treatment. I mean, just look at him. He is filthy, does not wash, change his clothes or eat anything remotely healthy. He just wonders around all day telling his paranoid theories about the family to my family and then acts perfectly normally in front of anyone else. Needless to say he hasn't worked for years and is a danger to myself and my parents because he hates us so much.

I could go on and on and on about other mad things he has done/said but I know you will all understand.

He has been in the hospital for two days and has tried to attack the psychiatrist. He had to be restrained and injected with a sedative, and now there is talk of him beign moved to a secure unit. I am so scared he is going to convince the Drs he is well and will be released. Knowing of his persecution theories, I'm frightened he'll get out and come to "get" the family.

I also can't believe that my once beautiful, popular, successful little bro is in a mental health unit against his will and has NO IDEA that he is ill. My dad is a boozer and I'll end up having to look after him, my mother is amazing but at the end of her tether. Neither parent is safe with him - where is he going to live after this? Will he take any meds he is prescribed? Will i have to look after him for the rest of my life??? I don't know. I just wanted to talk about my experiences because I feel sick and depressed about the whole thing and keep crying every two minutes....apologies for the rant. Emotions are running high.

[ChrisB]

No need to apologise, wow what a time you are having

Your love for him makes a real and meaningful difference to him and will be crucial to his recovery - for now he is safe, take some comfort from that and look after yourself.

He's lucky to have you

Sorry - I just re read your post and the part about triggers. Us blokes are particularly bad at judging ourselves by our possesions, jobs, titles, cars etc - sadly when we identify too strongly with them, losing them leaves us with a sence of worthless ness - I stood at the top of a cliff with the same dilemma.

BUT there is value in him and he will need help finding it, he will need your acceptance as real proof he is worthwhile even without any of those worldly goods!

This post has been edited by ChrisB: 12 August 2012 - 10:44 AM

[beach_house]

ChrisB, on 12 August 2012 - 10:40 AM, said:

No need to apologise, wow what a time you are having

Your love for him makes a real and meaningful difference to him and will be crucial to his recovery - for now he is safe, take some comfort from that and look after yourself.

He's lucky to have you

Sorry - I just re read your post and the part about triggers. Us blokes are particularly bad at judging ourselves by our possesions, jobs, titles, cars etc - sadly when we identify too strongly with them, losing them leaves us with a sence of worthless ness - I stood at the top of a cliff with the same dilemma.

BUT there is value in him and he will need help finding it, he will need your acceptance as real proof he is worthwhile even without any of those worldly goods!

Thankyou Chris. Latest reports are that he is calm and cooperating, which is good. He is so clever and manipulative though, I just hope the Psychs can see through this and get him the correct help. I feel like I am in a period of mourning for my lost brother; we are very close in age and used to be a team. You are completely right in saying that he will need our acceptance and I know he has this from my mum and I. I am praying that he will get better one day but I must accept that he may never be the same again.

You are so spot on about the feeling of worth and the material possessions. He really did have a great set up with his flat, job etc. He fought for that with hard work and graft and to have it taken from him in one week is very cruel.

Our mum is going to visit him tonight in the hospital and take him some new clothes to wear (I can't visit as I live quite a way away) and I've asked her to tell him that I love him no matter what.

I've got a big week coming up at work and a job interview to go to so It's going to take a lot of strength not to ring up asking for updates on his condition every two minutes. I feel so selfish for even thinking this

[B1polar]

Your brothers story is similar to mine except I went to hospital as a voluntary patient. This was 25 years ago and looking back I think I also made out I was OK when a health professional was around. From the perspective of someone who has been there part of the problem is that you actually know yourself something is wrong but equally know you don't want to end up in the mental health system. Also with being male we are not supposed to show our weaknesses or poor emotions so thoughts get bottled up and make things worse.
I had ECT and numerous medications over the years and today still take meds. I thought my life was over after hospital but I went on to far exceed fuure goals and returned to work.
I can really understand how horrific this has all been for you and your brother and all I can say is never give up hope. I am 51 now and had the biggest blip for 20 odd years in March and just coming out of it now. Also under a psychiatrist for the firt time since the early 1990's and rebuilding my life again. I have had many knock backs and set backs over those two decades and always aim to remember the past is gone and can't be changed so no point being angry with it. It is a struggle at times and the iceing on the cake was probably my doctor telling me depressive symptoms do last longer as we get older, great I thought what a lovely future I have. But am taking each day one at a time and alas with prejudice and discrimination still rampent when it comes to mental illness all of use (family to) have to be strong. Whenever I get angry about the system I write in blogs as so many people are in the same boat as us but it doesn't have to be the Titanic.

[beach_house]

B1polar, on 12 August 2012 - 02:27 PM, said:

Your brothers story is similar to mine except I went to hospital as a voluntary patient. This was 25 years ago and looking back I think I also made out I was OK when a health professional was around. From the perspective of someone who has been there part of the problem is that you actually know yourself something is wrong but equally know you don't want to end up in the mental health system. Also with being male we are not supposed to show our weaknesses or poor emotions so thoughts get bottled up and make things worse.
I had ECT and numerous medications over the years and today still take meds. I thought my life was over after hospital but I went on to far exceed fuure goals and returned to work.
I can really understand how horrific this has all been for you and your brother and all I can say is never give up hope. I am 51 now and had the biggest blip for 20 odd years in March and just coming out of it now. Also under a psychiatrist for the firt time since the early 1990's and rebuilding my life again. I have had many knock backs and set backs over those two decades and always aim to remember the past is gone and can't be changed so no point being angry with it. It is a struggle at times and the iceing on the cake was probably my doctor telling me depressive symptoms do last longer as we get older, great I thought what a lovely future I have. But am taking each day one at a time and alas with prejudice and discrimination still rampent when it comes to mental illness all of use (family to) have to be strong. Whenever I get angry about the system I write in blogs as so many people are in the same boat as us but it doesn't have to be the Titanic.

Thanks for sharing your story with me B1polar. It is so inspiring to hear that you achieved your goals and returned to work after being in hospital and all the comments from yourself and chris have helped me to see it from a male perspective, which I wasn't doing before. I see him as "little brother" if you get me? I'm nervously watching the phone for an update from my mum. I'm waiting for the dreaded call..."dr said your bro is fine and has been discharged" etc etc. We haven't come this far for him to be turfed out on the street again.

So pleased to see you're coming out of your blip - I think taking one day at a time is sage advice and something I am going to have to do too.

4me, on 12 August 2012 - 04:20 PM, said:

hi, beach_house

Hey 4me

[chrissy]

Hi beach-house,that was a lot you got of your chest and I m sure it helped.It sounded a bit like my sons story. Showing symptoms at an early age, having alcoholic father etc. He ended up being sectioned and its heartbreaking for all concerned, but he is in the best place and will get the help he needs.It will give your family time to get some rest as well. My son is out and going great now, so keep hopeful.

[ChrisB]

chrissy, on 12 August 2012 - 08:37 PM, said:

My son is out and going great now, so keep hopeful.

See, it happens!

[mias]

"went out that day (two weeks ago) and diagnosed clinical depression."How can these so called professionals (be so stupid) make such mistakes? I really don't understand. What a moving post. Yes, that could also have been my brother. The only difference here is that he is now 'hopefully' going to get some help and with proper help he could improve. I still absolutely believe my brother would have done.Your poor Mother. And you, so hard for you being miles away.Stay in touch.

[yorkiegal]

I've always been very good at putting on a different face for the professionals. When I am ill and paranoid it all becomes part of the 'game' so to speak, to be able to beat them.

Please don't feel guilty for having any negative feelings towards your brother or fear of him being released. When we're ill we take our family members along for the ride and don't always appreciate just how stressful it is for them too. Please try not to forget about your own needs and your own problems with anxiety.

I wish the mental health teams would listen more to the nearest and dearest of their patients. I know they have to be careful about families telling lies etc but you hear so many times of families being ignored.

[beach_house]

thankyou all for your thoughts and kind words. Since he has been in hospital work gave me a few days of compassionate leave for me to sort my head out. After a 48 hour sleep marathon I feel much better and equipped to help my bro and mum out as much as I can.

Latest reports are that he is calm and enjoying spending time with his support workers on the ward (he's always been a socialable person- the self imposed isolation being all the more unusual). He has started anti psychotics which normally I would be unsure about but he is in such a bad way, ingrained over the past two years, perhaps they are the only thing to bring him round a bit and perhaps a glimmer of insight? I don't know but I do know it's the right thing for him at this time. So good to hear your experiences.

It's so difficult with the professionals. Every family is so different and the underlying unspoken emotion and intuitive communication between family members is something health professionals could never pick up on, and perhaps you'll need to go through it all to understand. excuse the late night ramble.

x

[yorkiegal]

starting on anti psychotics was the best thing that ever happened to me. I have never felt so at peace as when I first went on them. It was like my brain was finally able to slow down and have a rest and the anxiety and anger just went away. Ok they're not perfect and in the long term I hate the tiredness and sluggishness, but it's so good to not be in that constant fight or flight mode.

Glad to hear you're feeling more refreshed and able to cope xx

[janty]

Hi beach-house, welcome to Rethink. Your brother sounds very much like my son. He is 24 years old and was sectioned 2 weeks ago after 2 years of me battling with the mental health system to get him the help he so desperately needed. He has been very angry at being "locked up" and has blamed everyone, especially his psychiatrist. He is on depot injections and is slowly beginning to question whether the things he's been seeing eg. a golden pheonix (incidentally the Olympic closing ceremony didn't help with that one!!!!!)he's also seen Dracula. He's now asking why he's seen these things and yet they are myths. He's trying to puzzle it out. Now he's allowed out for 2 hours a day with social workers and 15 minutes 4 times a day with staff.
I have been using this time to spend quality time with my husband and the rest of my family. You and your Mum should do the same. Your brother is safe and secure so make the most of it.

[janty]

Thanks for your pm beach_house. I'm glad my post was of help to you and made you feel a bit better about your brother.
I'm allowed to take my son out of hospital tomorrow for 2 hours. We're off to McDonalds! I just hope he will go back afterwards!
If there is anything I can try and help you with please ask. Everyone on here is so supportive. The Rethink factsheets have been very useful too. xx