[bean]

I'm sorry if I sound intolerant but at the moment I am SO ANGRY with my brother. He has a diagnosis of schizophrenia and I've posted about him before on here. To summarise, he doesn't think he has a problem and won't comply with medication.

He is supposed to be living in his own flat but spends most of the time at my mum's house.

This morning she phoned me in a total panic state. She couldn't breathe and was crying. She has not been able to bring herself to leave her bedroom to be anywhere near my brother who is totally oblivious to her suffering. He just sits and drinks, messes up the house and rants at her.

I know he is ill but his selfish behaviour is just infuriating. I am so worried about my mother. She simply cannot cope with him and is having a breakdown of her own.

The psych nurse is supposed to be coming round later to do a 'carer's assessment'. What we need is for my brother to be sectioned to get him stable and to give my poor mother some respite. But will this happen? I doubt it.

SOrry if I offend anyone, but I'm just totally sick of it all.

He just doesn't give a **** about her or anyone else and will not help himself.

[Universal Credit]

Does he have any hobbies or interests? It always helps to have something interesting to do when trying to get on a even keel. I'd probably have drunk myslef to death without other things to distract me.

[bean]

Spartikus Rex, on 10 May 2012 - 01:47 PM, said:

Does he have any hobbies or interests? It always helps to have something interesting to do when trying to get on a even keel. I'd probably have drunk myslef to death without other things to distract me.

Thanks for your reply. He plays chess once a week if he feels well enough to go. The rest of the time he does nothing but sit around drinking or surfing the internet and pestering people with emails about his latest theories on curing cancer and ending global warming.

I think he has no insight into what is happening to him. He is totally hostile to any attempts to speak to him about his illness and his behaviour. :-(

Thanks again for taking the time to respond.

[Universal Credit]

bean, on 10 May 2012 - 02:55 PM, said:

Thanks for your reply. He plays chess once a week if he feels well enough to go. The rest of the time he does nothing but sit around drinking or surfing the internet and pestering people with emails about his latest theories on curing cancer and ending global warming.

I think he has no insight into what is happening to him. He is totally hostile to any attempts to speak to him about his illness and his behaviour. :-(

Thanks again for taking the time to respond.

Seems like he's got a thinking head on his shoulders. Maybe he just needs something to do and this illness with it's stigma, communication issues etc shuts people out of so much. I do photography so I can suggest what worked for me, there's powerful free opensource editing software like GIMP - it isn't intensive once he's covered the basics but is creative and engrossing. Why not suggest or even buy him a cheap camera, there's nikon beginner cameras at jessops in a sale for sixty quid at present. It'll get him out of the house and occupy what is obviously a active mind when he's indoors.

[bean]

Spartikus Rex, on 10 May 2012 - 02:26 PM, said:

Seems like he's got a thinking head on his shoulders. Maybe he just needs something to do and this illness with it's stigma, communication issues etc shuts people out of so much. I do photography so I can suggest what worked for me, there's powerful free opensource editing software like GIMP - it isn't intensive once he's covered the basics but is creative and engrossing. Why not suggest or even buy him a cheap camera, there's nikon beginner cameras at jessops in a sale for sixty quid at present. It'll get him out of the house and occupy what is obviously a active mind when he's indoors.

Thank you. That's a good suggestion.

[Universal Credit]

bean, on 10 May 2012 - 05:44 PM, said:

Thank you. That's a good suggestion.

You could suggest he posts stuff here and if he needs any tips just send a line. It'd be nice to have others posting creative stuff more regularly here. I'm still learning myself...takes about ten years to get really proficient at something and I'm about halfway there.

[mias]

Something is gonna have to change. Did you speak with the psych nurse today? Any help? Have you spoken to staff at Rethink? Your poor Mother and of course the worry of her is not going to help you. Is it too hard for your Mother to tell him to go home and then visit him there. At least then she can get away should he be too hard to be around.Take care Bean.Rex's advice is good, something for him to use his mind. But it may not be easy finding that special something.

[ChrisB]

What did the nurse say and did you manage to get your own input heard bean?

[Tincan]

i hope the appointment with the nurse went well and he is getting the help he obviously needs. im a schitzophrenic and i caused my family hell to put it plainly when i was ill . i can see that now but when 1 part of ur brain is over-riding another convincing ur beliefs are correct ur bizarre thoughts are reality and however hard u try and tell the person they are simply crackers the more likely u will create tension and confrontation. it seems strange or foreign to do this but in some way validate what they are saying .....and without being confrontational workout y they have reached their assumptions. i dont think ur brother is aware of the chaos he is causing or being selfish however it appears that may be the case. he has plainly lost control i guess . but the first step to recovery in everything is accepting that u are ill or their is a problem that u need help with ...u cannot do it alone ! it may be a case that his treatment will be administered without his permission and in this case that may be the best outcome for ur family and ur brother. i guess the hope is then he realises the symptoms he has experienced are eased or finger crossed alleviated by the medication and he starts to head down a more constructive route of recovery instead of the turmoil u are all experiencing. it is sometimes a struggle to keep the person on the meds after they come out of hospital due to side effects i think if u didnt want to conform in the first place its often the route ppl take. but eventually he will have to accept he has an illness or his life will be a revolviing door of illness and hospital and in the end everybody is the looser. as every1 knows on here mental ill health is not ppl are bad they are ill and i think if our society stopped stigmatizing ppl who are ill the suffers acceptance of their illness could be so much easier. it such a shame the media and ppls ignorance segregate poorly ppl and make us feel not human and lesser ppl in the community rather than seeing the gd in us and what we can offer. its an illness and can be treated ! gd luck to ur family and brother bean !

[ramboself]

I've been diagnosed and living in social housing with other mentally ill people, it's not policy but in practice, i've lost patience with those who refuse meds, won't accept theres an issue, whilst creating havoc around them, it's sad that though i'd be uncomfortable having a community treatment order applied to me i'm now in favour of them

[Universal Credit]

ramboself, on 10 May 2012 - 10:04 PM, said:

I've been diagnosed and living in social housing with other mentally ill people, it's not policy but in practice, i've lost patience with those who refuse meds, won't accept theres an issue, whilst creating havoc around them, it's sad that though i'd be uncomfortable having a community treatment order applied to me i'm now in favour of them

It's about finding the right med at the right dosage. When I was a revolving door patient in my younger days it wasn't anything to do with a lack of insight. It had everything to do with side effects - either too agitated or too drowsy - and it took years to find what would work for the best, not that it resolved any of the deeper issues like social isolation, stigma and communication probs, and a lack of a credible CV...etc. The meds have been seen as the end of the matter, stable on meds then case closed. It is really just the start but no help is given, maybe a twelve week course of CBT but that is it. The budget is eaten up by big pharma miracle cure cons.

[bean]

Thank you all SO much for your thoughtful responses. As I write I believe my brother is being sectioned and will be in hospital by this afternoon. The psych nurse was very helpful and is going to try to organise some better accomodation for my brother when released - in some kind of supported housing we think. My mum has finally admitted she can't cope so I hope that now more help can be given to my brother and to her.

If he can get himself more stable I hope he can get some insight into his situation. He is a very intelligent and sensitive man and it is such a tragedy that he is living like this.

Thanks again all - I'm very grateful for your thoughts and support.

[sweetpea]

Bean, just wanted to send my thoughts and best wishes to you and your family.

I know when my brother was last sectioned, it was really upsetting, but I also felt a lot of relief that he was in a safe place and hopefully getting some much-needed help. Like your brother, mine lacks insight into his situation, and for the last ten years he has pretty much denied he has any m/h issues, despite having been sectioned three times.

I'm coming to realise, from reading what people have said on here, and doing my own reading, that lack of insight is really common - and unfortunately it's one of the most difficult things to deal with as a family member, when you're trying desperately to help someone but they don't recognise that they need any help. I too have felt really angry with my brother and felt that he's acted in a very selfish way, without giving thought to how his actions affect the rest of the family. Although it isn't always easy, I try to tell myself that it's the illness and not him that's making him act like that. And thankfully, he is a lot better at the moment and even seems to be having glimpses of acceptance about his situation, which feels like a huge step forward.

I hope your brother starts to gain more insight while he is in hospital and that they are able to sort out a better housing situation for him when he gets out.

Don't forget there should be some support available for you too if you want it. I was able to access some really good family support last time my brother was sectioned so I'd recommend asking about that, for you and your mum, if it's not readily offered.

Take care of yourself and let us know how it's all going.

[bean]

sweetpea, on 11 May 2012 - 12:48 PM, said:

Bean, just wanted to send my thoughts and best wishes to you and your family.

I know when my brother was last sectioned, it was really upsetting, but I also felt a lot of relief that he was in a safe place and hopefully getting some much-needed help. Like your brother, mine lacks insight into his situation, and for the last ten years he has pretty much denied he has any m/h issues, despite having been sectioned three times.

I'm coming to realise, from reading what people have said on here, and doing my own reading, that lack of insight is really common - and unfortunately it's one of the most difficult things to deal with as a family member, when you're trying desperately to help someone but they don't recognise that they need any help. I too have felt really angry with my brother and felt that he's acted in a very selfish way, without giving thought to how his actions affect the rest of the family. Although it isn't always easy, I try to tell myself that it's the illness and not him that's making him act like that. And thankfully, he is a lot better at the moment and even seems to be having glimpses of acceptance about his situation, which feels like a huge step forward.

I hope your brother starts to gain more insight while he is in hospital and that they are able to sort out a better housing situation for him when he gets out.

Don't forget there should be some support available for you too if you want it. I was able to access some really good family support last time my brother was sectioned so I'd recommend asking about that, for you and your mum, if it's not readily offered.

Take care of yourself and let us know how it's all going.

Thanks Sweetpea.

Unfortunately, the doctors were not able to assess my brother in order to section him as when they arrived at the house he stormed out and refused to speak to them. So this leaves us back to square one. Apparently all the psych team can do is to 'keep trying' to come round and speak to him. Also, they can't assess him if he's been drinking and he's had half a litre of vodka so far today so it's looking like nothing will be done.

Just dropped my mother off at the GPs so she can try to get some help for herself.

Does anyone know if my bro continues to refuse to speak to the drs, at some stage can they take him to hospital without assessment and assess him when on the ward? The fact that he won't speak to them is surely an indication of his state of mind.

xx

[janty]

Hi Bean,

I can empathise with you and your Mum. My son is unwell and has a diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia. He doesn't accept he is ill. We managed to get him assessed for hospital last month but they decided it was 50/50 whether to section him or not and gave him the benefit of the doubt. He has refused to accept his illness, has now refused to see anyone from the Mental Health team and worse still has isolated himself from all the family. He is so angry with everyone. This is especially sad as his sister gave birth to a beautiful little girl on Wednesday and he won't acknowledge her texts.

I have been told about a 135 Warrant that can be obtained from the Court to force someone to be assessed but I am working with The Early Intervention and trying other avenues to get him help at present. We have all backed off a bit to see how he copes as we know sooner or later he will hit another crisis.

I hope you Mum gets the help from GP she needs. I am having counselling through MIND to help me come to terms with this nightmare. It is horrible for us Mum's. You too need support and this forum is full of advice and help.

xx.

[manic666]

BEAN, your mum is the main sufferer hear, they have got to get him out your mums house for her sake. You say he has a flat so he wont be homeless, I think the sytem is not moveing fast enough as they see him in your mums house an think he is being looked after. Once you get him out your mums , he becomes the mental heath problem an it may force them into action. This may seem cruel but change the lock on your mums door , then he carnt get in an will go to his flat , i think you mum is becomeing top priority now.Sounds to me like the mental health nobs are just going through the motion,s an need a kick up the ar**

[Tincan]

janty, on 11 May 2012 - 07:04 PM, said:

Hi Bean,

I can empathise with you and your Mum. My son is unwell and has a diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia. He doesn't accept he is ill. We managed to get him assessed for hospital last month but they decided it was 50/50 whether to section him or not and gave him the benefit of the doubt. He has refused to accept his illness, has now refused to see anyone from the Mental Health team and worse still has isolated himself from all the family. He is so angry with everyone. This is especially sad as his sister gave birth to a beautiful little girl on Wednesday and he won't acknowledge her texts.

I have been told about a 135 Warrant that can be obtained from the Court to force someone to be assessed but I am working with The Early Intervention and trying other avenues to get him help at present. We have all backed off a bit to see how he copes as we know sooner or later he will hit another crisis.

I hope you Mum gets the help from GP she needs. I am having counselling through MIND to help me come to terms with this nightmare. It is horrible for us Mum's. You too need support and this forum is full of advice and help.

xx.

[Tincan]

hi , i know this is a sufferers forum from whatever perspective u are coming from and i think we all give grt advice from a personal view-point . but in situations like these, difficult situations, where u feel desperate to help but find it exceeding difficult to give really practical help that can make a difference. i think we all feel helpless. in these cases i think it would be gd to have a professional intervene with experience of these awkward circumstances . i know some are anti establishment for obvious reasons we av all had gd and bad in the mh service . i may be barking up the wrong tree but any help is gd help if its making a difference to ppls lives . i av to say i have had dealing with MIND and what a grt organisation i found them to be janty . love to know every1s opinion of this .........

[eyewashere]

.

[manic666]

i suggested locking him out , has a kick start , as i say the mental health team seem preety crap at getting your brother to listen , plus if he run,s off every time only to return when they have gone is pointless. He is angry at the world without treatment an your mum is the one getting the full force, her health is damaged so he need,s out an now.He is refuseing meds an drinking,its to much for you mum to take on an she to will snap