[BlackCountrySi]

I suffer from depression and anxiety mainly caused by low self Esteem and Confidence, mostly caused by emotional trauma growing up. I can have ok days, some good and other times I drop and it has been explained by my doctor that I may have borderline personality disorder. I have learned to cope in some areas, and it takes ages for me to get to know someone as I can feel anxious around people, especially when it comes to the fear of getting close. Life can be very hard for me at times, especially as I am naturally a chatty sociable friendly person once I get to know someone so I conflict with the way I am.

I have tried to be on ESA and failed every medical so far, it is the way they twist and lie about things, on my last medical I had 6 points and after appealing and going to a tribunal in December last year I won. I was placed in the work activity group, with the understanding from them that I would seek help and sort my self out over time and be fazed into a job. Only late January I was given another medical assessment to fill in and told I would have to attend another medical again. I went through so much at the tribunal and the thought of having to go through it again knocked me for six. In January I started to attend re-think and I also started to see a counsellor with the intention of trying to sort my self out, and I was making slow progress with the odd struggle and downer until recently when I attended the medical and go zero points. I feel like everything has gone against me. At the last minute I had rethink staff drop out due to illness and I had nobody to attend with me, with the fear of losing benefits I attended alone. I was Ill while there and at one point due to being under so much stress, I was having violent coughing fits due to acid. During the interview I asked if he was qualified to which he did not reply to and he just made some excuse. I started to get a massive stress head ache and due to coughing again I nearly passed out, and he offered to stop the interview, and told me to have a drink and we continued. The interview took ages and I just wanted to get out of there, I don't really know what I answered to, my head ache was so bad and so was my heart rate.

At one point he asked me questions to do with maths and memory and because I was not 100% with it, it took me ages to answer those questions. Usually I would answer them quicker but under stress it slowed me down. I never filled out the medical form someone else did who works with the council, I started to but as it was about my self I struggled to write anything and it set off dizziness due to anxiety, I explained that at the medical to.

I also told the so called nurse that I was happy to build my self up and get back into some form of work in future, and if I was not genuine, why would I be attending rethink, have a cpn and see a counsellor, he just shrugged his shoulders.

I had loads of evidence and a diary to show him about my day to day life (as advised by my counsellor to help enable what angle to improve upon) but he kept on refusing point blank to see anything. He just did not care.

Atos are the scum of the earth, they twist things, lie and the whole system of grading people is so wrong.

If they were so called medical proffesionals they would know that an inner ear issue comes and goes, different levels of depression and anxiety can bring on different symptoms etc

On my results, it went against me that I can text a fiend, attend rethink etc, I can drive and walk the dog, and one other thing eye contact, I learned to make eye contact to stop having my head kicked in growing up despite how bad or anxious I feel, due to having a headache I mostly had my eyes covered because I was holding my head. I am so angry especially as I really want to feel better and maybe get a job in future or set up my own.

I try and live my life normal as possible sometimes and I do try and get out.

I feel like I cannot win and do not know what to do, I feel like I am being punished for doing something about my self. There is no chance I can go on J.S.A I know I am currently incapable of the pressure and the hassle I used to get with J.S.A

I have not received an appeal form yet and because I will lose that bit extra money I will now struggle to afford to get to places I currently go to.

[Admin - Rethink]

Hi BlackCountrySi, have you contacted our advice team at all? They deal with a lot of people in a similar situation to you - www.rethink.org/advice

[Universal Credit]

To be fair the medical is focussed on what you can do and not what you can't. That's why I have a special plan for my ATOS appointment. I intend to grab the computer keyboard off the data monkey and snip its wire with some wire clippers. Then they'll know they are dealing with a human being and not some piece of data.

[ghost]

I feel for you, Its neither just nor fair but after being a government target few people care for the nuances of individuals like ourselves. You could try to get an advocate to relieve the strain and fight your corner and this website - benefitsandwork offer good guides in regard to law, appeals etc.

Personally I'm terrified of going for the ESA test because its obviously flawed and not fit for purpose. Good luck.

[chrissy]

BlackCountrySi, on 03 May 2012 - 11:16 AM, said:

I suffer from depression and anxiety mainly caused by low self Esteem and Confidence, mostly caused by emotional trauma growing up. I can have ok days, some good and other times I drop and it has been explained by my doctor that I may have borderline personality disorder. I have learned to cope in some areas, and it takes ages for me to get to know someone as I can feel anxious around people, especially when it comes to the fear of getting close. Life can be very hard for me at times, especially as I am naturally a chatty sociable friendly person once I get to know someone so I conflict with the way I am.

I have tried to be on ESA and failed every medical so far, it is the way they twist and lie about things, on my last medical I had 6 points and after appealing and going to a tribunal in December last year I won. I was placed in the work activity group, with the understanding from them that I would seek help and sort my self out over time and be fazed into a job. Only late January I was given another medical assessment to fill in and told I would have to attend another medical again. I went through so much at the tribunal and the thought of having to go through it again knocked me for six. In January I started to attend re-think and I also started to see a counsellor with the intention of trying to sort my self out, and I was making slow progress with the odd struggle and downer until recently when I attended the medical and go zero points. I feel like everything has gone against me. At the last minute I had rethink staff drop out due to illness and I had nobody to attend with me, with the fear of losing benefits I attended alone. I was Ill while there and at one point due to being under so much stress, I was having violent coughing fits due to acid. During the interview I asked if he was qualified to which he did not reply to and he just made some excuse. I started to get a massive stress head ache and due to coughing again I nearly passed out, and he offered to stop the interview, and told me to have a drink and we continued. The interview took ages and I just wanted to get out of there, I don't really know what I answered to, my head ache was so bad and so was my heart rate.

At one point he asked me questions to do with maths and memory and because I was not 100% with it, it took me ages to answer those questions. Usually I would answer them quicker but under stress it slowed me down. I never filled out the medical form someone else did who works with the council, I started to but as it was about my self I struggled to write anything and it set off dizziness due to anxiety, I explained that at the medical to.

I also told the so called nurse that I was happy to build my self up and get back into some form of work in future, and if I was not genuine, why would I be attending rethink, have a cpn and see a counsellor, he just shrugged his shoulders.

I had loads of evidence and a diary to show him about my day to day life (as advised by my counsellor to help enable what angle to improve upon) but he kept on refusing point blank to see anything. He just did not care.

Atos are the scum of the earth, they twist things, lie and the whole system of grading people is so wrong.

If they were so called medical proffesionals they would know that an inner ear issue comes and goes, different levels of depression and anxiety can bring on different symptoms etc

On my results, it went against me that I can text a fiend, attend rethink etc, I can drive and walk the dog, and one other thing eye contact, I learned to make eye contact to stop having my head kicked in growing up despite how bad or anxious I feel, due to having a headache I mostly had my eyes covered because I was holding my head. I am so angry especially as I really want to feel better and maybe get a job in future or set up my own.

I try and live my life normal as possible sometimes and I do try and get out.

I feel like I cannot win and do not know what to do, I feel like I am being punished for doing something about my self. There is no chance I can go on J.S.A I know I am currently incapable of the pressure and the hassle I used to get with J.S.A

I have not received an appeal form yet and because I will lose that bit extra money I will now struggle to afford to get to places I currently go to.

[chrissy]

Hello blackcountrysi, Yes I know how you feel.When my son was sectioned, I was so traumatised by it all and I also have my own anxiety and agoraphobia. I had to make quite a journey with the help of friends to get to the medical and be asked many questions about how i was feeling. I got on ESA after a very stressful meeting.I had to go back again a few weeks later to see how i was, I was then sent somewhere (cant remember where), but it was decided it was time to start going out to work. So the best option for me was cleaning in private houses, where I felt comfortable with the person and it wasnt too far to go. I then built up my hours to 24 per week. For me it has been beneficial and has made me stronger and realise what i can do. I would never have thought i could do all i am doing now, so maybe for you as frightening as it feels now, it may help you in some way.But it does feel like, they just want to tick boxes and dont really care.

[ramboself]

Saw the dr today told her rethink thinks i'm hearing voices, she asked if my benefits had been cut, i said not yet but i'm worried about it

Whether i'm hearing voices not in the way when i was first ill, but if i came off the meds, explain that to an atos dr with yes no boxes to tick

[BlackCountrySi]

I have recently launched an appeal fingers crossed.

[eyewashere]

.