[iris]

Hi everyone,

As many of you know, I care for my husband who is schizophrenic. Over the years he has gone through long periods of time where he uses alcohol to self medicate. During his sober and more stable times, he says that he drinks to help him sleep, to try and get rid of the voices or just to try and get some peace. When he drinks he does so to extremes, until it builds up to a point where he's just so ill or he's wiped out the bank out and explored every possible option to get hold of alcohol. He will then go through withdrawals for a few days, and then I get back husband come back to me again... until a few weeks or months later, it will all begin again. When he drinks he will often stop taking his meds completely, or take them sporadically. It's a vicious cycle I can't seem to break.

This is the part of all his problems I find hardest to deal with. Yes, I know it's not as simple as all that... but from my point of view, I feel the drink is something he can control, but chooses not to. I can't understand why he chooses to put us through this. We have had a better couple of months and life has been calmer, particularly since joining this site... and the last few days he has once again decided to rip the heart out of me and start drinking again. It makes me feel so desperate and out of control, sends total panic into me. It's so devastating, and always when I'm beginning to think we're finally making progress.

I'm so desperate to break this cycle he's in, but I just don't know how. The mental health team don't seem to work in conjunction with any real alcohol support teams... it's one or the other. My husband was basically told when he asked for help with the drink, that if he were to continue to drinking the mental health team would discharge him and no longer support him... so of course he's always sober when he sees them and lies through his teeth to them... particularly because they've told him that if he doesn't toe the line he'll stop getting the benefits, which are the only way we make ends meet. They did have him seeing someone at an alcohol support place for a short while, but their advice consisted of eating a piece of fruit a day, listening to music, and a ten minute walk a couple times a week??? When I bring up the issue with Doctors, I get sent out of the room, they have a five minute private chat with him, and leave me none the wiser.

Is this common? Do many people suffering from mental health problems self medicate in this way? What can I do? I write down in a journal just about everything my husband ever says and does, and can't work out what triggers this cycle. Can anyone offer any advice, or point me the direction of some help? Or just help me understand why he does this, or what's going on in his mind, so that I can try and talk to him about with some understanding? At the moment I'm just angry at him and want to shout blue murder at him... that's not going to achieve anything other than upset me and the kids, so I need to find another angle to approach this.

Sorry for such a long post... any thoughts, suggestions or advice very much appreciated.

Thanks everyone xxx

[Universal Credit]

Self-medicating with drink is probably not a good idea but this is Britain not Saudi Arabia and it is impossible to escape the drink culture. Moderation is the key. It becomes easier the more effort is put in. Don't change anything too quickly but suggest a couple of days a week be drink free and move gradually towards only a couple of days being drinking ones.

[Defiant_fighter]

Hello Iris

I've seen you try to help Janty so it only fair you try to be helped too. I can say what i think and that is maybe the alcohol is there and used to help your husband forget the horror days or perhaps as he is really affected by what he suffers, his symptoms of his illness perhaps. Drink doesnt go with medication, i know that much so that explains why he drops his meds for it, maybe he doesnt believe his meds help that much.

Forgive me for being what might appear vague, it is very difficult to guess what other's issues are with accuracy, its like yourself guessing what my issues are if you understand what i mean.

I understand from your view it must be frustrating.I think you are right that drink wont help in the long run. Hope ive been a tiny help to you.

Best wishes

Defiant x

[I'm FINE!]

Hi
I don't go on here much these days - don't really know why, but this has touched a spot. Alcohol somehow 'blanks out' the pain. It is also, I suggest, a 'press the self destruct button' approach. I'm sorry that I don't really have any answers. Yeh, I know what it feels like when 'services' reject you because you've been drinking - why do they ask you if you take recreational drugs? It just makes me think, well what colour is your skin? I don't agree that it should make any difference. I believe it's a 'symptom' of his condition - that obviously doesn't particularly help with you being able to handle this situation, but hopefully it might 'help' in understanding.
It's difficult - your husband is in a difficult place. I admire you immensely for your dedication to him - that's what love is and you are privileged in many ways for feeling it, but, maybe for him, his pain overtakes his sense of 'self'. I guess people with such 'personality disorders' have to escape somewhere.
All I can advise is stay with him as much as you can, but you are a person too - sometimes you have to think of your own well-being. Give him as much support as you can; you can only do what you can do and nothing more.
I feel for both you and your husband.
Maybe he needs to read some stuff - perhaps I'd suggest Laing's 'Divided Self' - maybe??
My heart is with you and your hubs

[mias]

I'm just surprised to read that the services will drop someone if they drink. Surely needing alcohol/drug misuse is considered an illness in itself and should be accepted alongside any other MH condition and treated together. I can undestand someone thinking a drink would be a good way to take the edge off a very stressful period. Many people do it after a tiring. Hard day at thE office.

[manic666]

lots hide there illness with alchol , i used to drink a litre of vodka within minutes to get me out of the demons in my head. I call it the hour of pleasure , you are totally wrecked an nothing not even the depresssion monster can enter your brain. It was for me before my meds were leveled the only way not to die to be totally honest. Without the hour of pleasure to break up the relentless brain pain you have every chance of OD . A drug like morhine would have done the same but alchol is easy to access . Like all alcholics its about eacape .it must be why else would they drink that crap white cider at %12 . I never used things like that mine was a quick fix so only the best like SMIRNOFF. Never the less people see you has an ancholic , not a self med lost soul. . Soon as a shrink said cut the drink i did . an dont touch any spirit alchol now i confess to the odd stella but 2 pints in a bar not 1 ltr of vodka in a layby. . Iets talk damage ,i was getting through a fair amount an later suffered pancreitis long after i stopped but the seed had been sown, They said it was down to gall stones an i had them an my gall bladder removed , but i think the drink started it off. People will never stop meding with alchol , its all they have if meds dont work , or you waiting to see a shrink.

[Universal Credit]

manic666, on 01 May 2012 - 11:15 AM, said:

lots hide there illness with alchol , i used to drink a litre of vodka within minutes to get me out of the demons in my head. I call it the hour of pleasure , you are totally wrecked an nothing not even the depresssion monster can enter your brain. It was for me before my meds were leveled the only way not to die to be totally honest. Without the hour of pleasure to break up the relentless brain pain you have every chance of OD . A drug like morhine would have done the same but alchol is easy to access . Like al alcholics its about eacape .it must be why else would they drink that crap white cider at %12 . I never used things like that mine was a quick fix so only the best like SMIRNOFF. Never the less people see you has an ancholic , not a self med lost soul. . Soon as a shrink said cut the drink i did . an dont touch any spirit alchol now i confess to the odd stella but 2 pints in a bar not 1 ltr of vodka in a layby. . Iets talk damage ,i was getting through a fair amount an later suffered pancreitis long after i stopped but the seed had been sown, They said it was down to gall stones an i had them an my gall bladder removed , but i think the drink started it off. People will never stop meding with alchol , its all they have if meds dont work , or you waiting to see a shrink.

People been drinking in northern europe for tens of thousand of years. Down the years puritans have tried to stop the binge culture but they haven't had much success so far. Teetolers don't live as long as occasional drinkers neither. Same with drinking people themselves...the ones who go back to drinking altogether are those who try to stop altogether...and the occosional hour of pleasure makes a cruel life more liveable.

[ramboself]

theres less stigma in having an alcohol problem and taking alcohol than been a schitzo and taking meds for it, one is theoretically curable

I drink to get to sleep the meds make it hard to sleep, i'm pleased that at the moment i'm cutting down

There was some researxh showing that rats on psychiatric drugs get more addicted to cocaine and have woese withdrawal symptoms the same may apply to alcohol and nivotine

[mias]

I wonder why a drug cannot be 'designed' with morphine if it can help someone feel so much better. They spend fortunes on other strong medications that don't seem to work very well.

manic666, on 01 May 2012 - 11:15 AM, said:

<br />lots hide there illness with alchol , i used to drink a litre of vodka within minutes to get me out of the demons in my head. I call it the  hour of pleasure , you are totally wrecked an nothing not even the depresssion monster can enter your brain. It was for me before my meds were leveled  the only way not to die to be totally honest. Without the hour of pleasure to break up the relentless brain pain   you have every chance of OD .  A drug like morhine would have done the same but alchol is easy to access . Like al alcholics its about eacape .it must be why else would they drink that crap white cider at %12 . I never used things like that  mine was a quick fix so only the best like SMIRNOFF. Never the less people see you has an ancholic , not a self med lost soul. . Soon as a shrink said cut the drink i did . an dont touch any spirit alchol now i confess to the odd stella but 2 pints in a bar not 1 ltr of vodka in a layby. . Iets talk damage ,i was getting through a fair amount an later suffered pancreitis long after i stopped but the seed had been sown, They said it was down to gall stones an i had them an my gall bladder removed , but i think the drink started it off.  People will never stop meding with alchol , its all they have if meds dont work , or you waiting to see a shrink<img src="http://www.rethink.org/talk/public/style_emoticons/default/sad.gif" />.<br />

<br /><br /><br />

[ramboself]

i think it has been tryed in america, didn't coke have cocaine in it at one point

[mias]

Hi Rambo. Yes I remember hearing that at a child. I meant a proper drug though.

[ramboself]

There are people who'd question a distinction between proper and inproper drugs, maybe i'm one of them, certainly confised, i said to the shrink you call it dependency i call it addiction he said as long as your fairly well

[janty]

Oh Iris how I feel for you.

I have heard the words "Dual Diagnosis" about my son from my carer support worker (when I had one) but she said mental health services aren't set up to deal with it. I know my son was self medicating with cannabis but I don't know if he still is because they won't tell me anything. Confidentiality!!!

I don't think it is fair the mental health team are threatening to stop your husband's benefits and discharge him if he drinks, when you and the children rely on them to make ends meet. Can you not get some advice about this from Welfare Rights or Citizens Advice Bureau? It is not right that you have to worry about finances on top of everything else!
Look after yourself xxx

[Defiant_fighter]

Yep the double trouble of two linked conditions can happen, i think i've heard of that sort of thing, though not the very words "Dual Diagnosis" before.To be honest, a lot of people find vices dont they, drink is damaging, fortunately some find they dont like bottle/can after bottle/can. Though i apologise Iris if i wasnt clear before that i do feel for you,it must be very, very hard seeing that, perhaps on a daily basis.

I think all we can do is try to reassure you and try to support you Iris and maybe in a small way you feel encouraged to help etc.

[manic666]

rambo the drinking to get you to sleep is a bad move, when you drink to sleep it knocks you out, but it disturb,s your sleep pattern. Instead of going through the normal get to bed an slowly drift off to sleep,pattern . You kinda knock yourself out an fall straight to sleep disrupting the normal process an wake up 2 to 3 hours later on, an thats it for the night no sleep after the initial 2-3 hour,s. I was reading about this on a medweb page has a lady i no was complaining about not sleeping well. Turns out she is a bit fond of the red wine an it seems that the problem, plus it never goes away even if you stop because you have upset the ballance .Havent you got any sleeper ,s from the shrink. I stay up late mabye 1to 2 AM no point in going to bed early just to lay there thinking bad thoughts wide awake.

[ramboself]

sadly i think alcohol is better than sleepers, were i live your likely to be woken up in the middle of the night by some incident, waking up from sleepers would be hell

I don't see the difference between dependence on alcohol or sleeping pills, agreed i'd rather neither

[chrissy]

iris, on 30 April 2012 - 06:35 PM, said:

Hi everyone,

As many of you know, I care for my husband who is schizophrenic. Over the years he has gone through long periods of time where he uses alcohol to self medicate. During his sober and more stable times, he says that he drinks to help him sleep, to try and get rid of the voices or just to try and get some peace. When he drinks he does so to extremes, until it builds up to a point where he's just so ill or he's wiped out the bank out and explored every possible option to get hold of alcohol. He will then go through withdrawals for a few days, and then I get back husband come back to me again... until a few weeks or months later, it will all begin again. When he drinks he will often stop taking his meds completely, or take them sporadically. It's a vicious cycle I can't seem to break.

This is the part of all his problems I find hardest to deal with. Yes, I know it's not as simple as all that... but from my point of view, I feel the drink is something he can control, but chooses not to. I can't understand why he chooses to put us through this. We have had a better couple of months and life has been calmer, particularly since joining this site... and the last few days he has once again decided to rip the heart out of me and start drinking again. It makes me feel so desperate and out of control, sends total panic into me. It's so devastating, and always when I'm beginning to think we're finally making progress.

I'm so desperate to break this cycle he's in, but I just don't know how. The mental health team don't seem to work in conjunction with any real alcohol support teams... it's one or the other. My husband was basically told when he asked for help with the drink, that if he were to continue to drinking the mental health team would discharge him and no longer support him... so of course he's always sober when he sees them and lies through his teeth to them... particularly because they've told him that if he doesn't toe the line he'll stop getting the benefits, which are the only way we make ends meet. They did have him seeing someone at an alcohol support place for a short while, but their advice consisted of eating a piece of fruit a day, listening to music, and a ten minute walk a couple times a week??? When I bring up the issue with Doctors, I get sent out of the room, they have a five minute private chat with him, and leave me none the wiser.

Is this common? Do many people suffering from mental health problems self medicate in this way? What can I do? I write down in a journal just about everything my husband ever says and does, and can't work out what triggers this cycle. Can anyone offer any advice, or point me the direction of some help? Or just help me understand why he does this, or what's going on in his mind, so that I can try and talk to him about with some understanding? At the moment I'm just angry at him and want to shout blue murder at him... that's not going to achieve anything other than upset me and the kids, so I need to find another angle to approach this.

Sorry for such a long post... any thoughts, suggestions or advice very much appreciated.

Thanks everyone xxx

[chrissy]

Hello Iris, Sorry to hear about your husbands drinking.My ex husband was an alcoholic for 26 years and couldnt work because of it.I have even watched him drink meths.I think he drank to hide a mental illness, but drink is very addictive, withdrawing from it he would have seizures, lost his eyesight for a day, knocked down by a car.You name it and it happened to him.It broke my heart every time he went on a bender as it was so destructive to him and every one around him.If people start self medicating with it, I think they just give themselves the extra problem, which is addiction, as well as the mental health problem.I have been tee total for for over 30 years as I would rather cope with my problems without the stuff,but I know for some people its a quick fix and that is so understandable, if life is so tough. I do hope your husband stops drinking for both your sakes. He still was able to claim incapacity benefit for that time.He was hospitised several times because of his addiction, so I hope your husband takes his medication instead.

[ramboself]

the alky in my last flats, when he first moved in they'd dryed him out, and at the time he was showing mental health issues including a stutter, once he went back on alcohol i never heard him stutter

Him and his alky friends created terrible problems, when he tryed to come off his alky "friends" wouldn't leave him alone, i didn't approve of the neighbour who knifed him doing that though i wrote a letter to the court, i could well have done without the problems on top of my own

[manic666]

ramboself, on 01 May 2012 - 07:52 PM, said:

sadly i think alcohol is better than sleepers, were i live your likely to be woken up in the middle of the night by some incident, waking up from sleepers would be hell

I don't see the difference between dependence on alcohol or sleeping pills, agreed i'd rather neither

Well free meds its a lot cheaper for a start