[janty]

I just had a letter from the early Intervention Team saying they are no longer seeing my son as he has refused to engage with them. Exactly one month ago they were having him assessed by the Mental Health Team to decide if he needed sectioning. He had attempted suicide and they were worried he would try again. It was 50/50 whether the Mental Health Team admitted him into hospital or not and they decided to give him the benfit of the doubt. Although he has been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia he doesn't think there is anything wrong with himself and refuses medication. He has isolated himself from all the family and his friends and I have not seen him since November. What do I do now? While I knew he was being seen by them I felt he was safe. I can't just give up on him like they have. Has anyone been in a similar situation and can give me some advice please?

[keeping positive]

Hi Janty,

I don't quite know what to say to you too be honest, my partner is Schizophrenic (at least that's what the CPN told me anyway)he refuses to acknowledge he has an illness and gets really angry when this is mentioned, he now hates the NHS and tells me on a daily basis how it's all a set up and someone is out to get him. This is his paranoia of course...

Anyway, back to the point, because my partner refuses to have anything to do with the LMHU or anyone remotely connected with Mental Health they say they can't do anything for him, apparently you have to want the help for it to be given unless you or your family member is in a real crisis.

I'm sorry this isn't much help to you, but I don't think there is anything you can do without your sons say so and if he refuses to accept he has a problem there probably won't be much chance of that happening.

[janty]

Thanks for your reply Keeping Positive. Looks like I just have to wait until the next crisis with him then he can be helped. He is very angry with everyone. He thinks the whole world is against him. It's sad he doesn't trust anyone. It must be horrible for him.

[Universal Credit]

It would help if there was a biological test but until then a less stigmatising title might help with acceptance. Although I have a diagnosis of Sz it helps with acceptance to consider it as a form of autism since then I don't have to see myself as a axe-murderer in waiting. So maybe fluffing the designation up a bit will help with self-acceptance and the rest will follow?

[janty]

Thanks for that advice. I have spoken to his Community Mental Health Nurse and she is as gutted as I am he won't engage. Maybe I just have to wait until he gets into the next crisis.... He's had enough of those. Funny you should mention an axe... he chopped his last bedsit up with an axe to make it bigger!

[mias]

I agree with Rex. It's one hell of a 'diagnosis' to live with because of peoples misunderstanding. I wouldn't be surprised to find that we all will know or will have known someone with Sz but we more than likely just won't know we have because they are hardly going to say in real life.
To this day I still wish that we could have been helped and advised as to how to be more involved when my brother was struggling with whatever it was, instead of him having to make all the decisions for himself when all he could manage was to anxiously pace about thinking all sorts of things. It must be frightening to be so paranoid about almost everything, every situation and everyone so how was he ever going to help himself hiding in a house with the curtains closed? but he was an adult and it was all on him! yeah right.
I say, speak to his doctors and whoever you can regularly. Ask questions, don't let them 'leave and forget' him or you.

[Universal Credit]

janty, on 26 April 2012 - 09:16 AM, said:

Thanks for that advice. I have spoken to his Community Mental Health Nurse and she is as gutted as I am he won't engage. Maybe I just have to wait until he gets into the next crisis.... He's had enough of those. Funny you should mention an axe... he chopped his last bedsit up with an axe to make it bigger!

Looks like he's incubating the flag he's been given doesn't it? Mistakes were made but not by the shrinks...they'll write the reports absolving themselves after any tragedy.

[janty]

That's what I am afraid of Rex. It's never them at fault.

[iris]

Oh Janty, I'm so sorry to hear this. Unfortunately I do think this is the way it works. If you don't engage with the services offered they won't continue trying. I had this situation with my husband 18 months ago, and he was discharged from the Mental Health Team for not engaging with them. I was so upset and begged them to keep trying, if no other reason for the sake of my kids. It took another crisis and stay in hospital a few months later to get them to start working with him again. They then told him that if he doesn't attend appointments, take his medication and basically do as he's told, that he would no longer receive his benefits. I don't know if this is true, but it did convince him to start attending appointments and taking his meds, and for that I'm thankful.

So sorry I don't have any helpful advice for you... hang in there and look after yourself x

[janty]

Hi Iris, Good to hear from you. Thanks for your comments. I'm OK... hanging on in there! Just waiting for the next crisis to happen. I've got a meeting with his team next Thursday. It's so upsetting because I used to help him sort his money, benefit's, washing etc out but I stepped right back and let the team completely take over. I dread to think what will happen now. Maybe he will manage but going on previous history he will just get in a complete mess with everything and that will stress him out. His own doing I know, but it is very difficult for me not to be concerned!

[firemonkey]

At the end of the day it's a catch 22. Those who most need to be helped are often those who least accept they have a problem for which they need help.
Unfortunately family and relatives are rather helpless in this situation and an often tragic crisis has to happen before mh services take action.
Then of course the press,especially the tabloids go full speed ahead with a mixture of righteous indignation and titillation,and do the schizophrenia = axe murderer routine .

[janty]

Hi Firemonkey,

You say "Catch 22" my GP says I'm in a "No Win" situation. The Early Intervention team totally agree with me he is very ill but felt that when they last saw him on the 11th April he wasn't a danger to himself or others. Funny how the month before they felt he WAS posing a danger to himself, were seeing him everyday, and were having him assessed to be hospitalised! He was understandably very angry with them for doing that and that is why he doesn't want to see them anymore. A duty social worker he'd never seen before and 2 doctors, one of whom was a GP he didn't know, turning up on his doorstep unannounced and trying to persuade him to go with them would be scary for anyone, let alone someone who is suspicious of everyone and everything around him. The EIT now say as they are unable to see him they can't assess him. I suppose that is their "get out clause" if something should happen to him. They said they can't keep contacting him because it could be seen as harrassment!!!!

"He is an adult" so I can't do anything??? As Mias says "Yeah right!!!!!"

[Defiant_fighter]

Hello Janty

Yes i do sympathise with your situation x Though i think he does need to try to accept that though he has to for himself, i must admit it took me a few months to truly accept i wasnt well and a lot longer to start to cope with and understand my MH problems.

I suppose all you can do is try to be there for him and keep him talking, gently challenging him but not being too direct as i wouldnt like that ,being in his shoes.

Obviously, i hope things improve for you both

Defiant x

[eyewashere]

.

[janty]

Thank you all for your replies and advice. I tried ringing his mobile today and it was switched on which is a good sign. As usual he didn't answer my call so I sent him a text saying how much me and his sister love and miss him. It was delivered so I hope he read it and knows we are there for him.

[mias]

Hi there,
Yes, I am sure he will. I used to txt my brother a lot. I ill have a lovely text back from him that I treasure.
I found it easier than phone calls but I have to say I actually prefer communicating this way anyway.

[mabel]

janty, on 30 April 2012 - 12:18 PM, said:

Thank you all for your replies and advice. I tried ringing his mobile today and it was switched on which is a good sign. As usual he didn't answer my call so I sent him a text saying how much me and his sister love and miss him. It was delivered so I hope he read it and knows we are there for him.

Hi Janty

I hope things settle down for your son and you. Our son lives at home with us. He also wouldn't have anything to do with MH services so they discharged him 3 years ago. He is solely under care of the GP who does her best. He has not come to terms with it either, still says there is nothing wrong with him. It is so common that sz sufferers won't engage with the services you know. He takes his meds but under protest

Hope things improve.

x

[janty]

Thanks Mabel,
My son doesn't live at home. He left at 18 calling it a hell hole. I never knew how he was going to be from one minute to the next. One minute he was putting his arms around me telling me he loved me and the next he was telling me to F off. His behaviour became more and more bizarre and after a big row one night he left to go and live with his sister. He stayed with her for a few months but she couldn't cope with him and we found him a bedsit. That was the one he chopped up with an axe to make it bigger! At this time he was taken into hospital "voluntarily" after completely breaking down and claiming he'd been raped. (Turned out he hadn't, it was all in his head but he was very, very frightened). He rang me to say "goodbye" and I had to get the crisis team, police and an ambulance. They only kept him in hospital for 4 days and then sent him out. He couldn't go back to the bedsit because he's destroyed it. I was advised not to bring him home (to be honest I was scared of him) and he went into a crisis house for 2 weeks while I found him a lovely flat. He stayed there for 6 months then found his own bedsit which is where he is now. It has been a horrible few years for all of us. I hope things improve too.

[mias]

"They only kept him in hospital for 4 days"

Words fail me.

[janty]

He was sent out at 5pm on a cold October day with no coat, no money, no food and more importantly nowhere to go. We were due to have a ward meeting with the crisis team and everyone else involved the next morning but the pychiatrist let him go before anything was put into place for him. He was still seeing spheres of light bouncing around. I didn't know what to do so I took him to a hotel for the night until I could get the crisis team back out the next day. They picked him from the hotel by taxi and took over from there. On reflection I should have taken him straight back to hospital but it was all new to me then. Nothing much has changed and I still feel very let down by the services but I will battle on!