[mistakemaker]

Hello
I am newbie, and have been struggling, even to make a start just to say hi! I tried to introduce myself a few months ago, but went a bit downhill. At the moment, I am beginning to slide down further. I cannot stop my thoughts from upsetting me, and it is SO HARD! I try to ignore my feelings of guilt and I just cant. I always say the wrong thing, to everyone I meet. I have lost my family because of my illness. At the time when everything was falling apart and I didnt know I was psychotic, my family turned away. GOD I miss my sister so much, and my Mum, my cousins, everybody. My children have been affected too. I cannot have anymore children because it always turns into Post Natal Psychosis of some kind. I hope that somebody can understand how difficult Schizo-Affective Disorder can be, and how it can destroy relationships. I dont think I can feel more alone. Where do I go from here? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated, I think I need a friend, just dont know where to begin with starting anew.

[keeping positive]

Hi mistakemaker

Welcome to the forum

I am not a service user but the partner of someone who is ill (and doesn't know it), there are lots of people on here who can sympathise and empathise with you and can help you.

You speak in the past tense "didn't know I was psychotic" you seem to have insight now and hopefully things are starting to look up for you.

Have you tried to contact your family, perhaps explain how things were for you, your thoughts and experiences back then?

Anyway, stick around and you will find that everyone on here is brilliant and very helpful.

Take care

[mias]

Yes, I agree with KP.

How about writing a letter to each member of your family explaining how you feel and how much you miss them etc. I find writing easier than speaking face to face, and I don't think the phone is appropriate in this case. At least a letter has to be read, hopefully, but they cannot argue whilst reading it. Then they will have the chance to think about things. Maybe they didn't understand what was going on.


Hey, nice to meet you. If you ever feel lonely, leave a message.

[Can't be bothered]

Hi Mistake maker

The advice that has been given here I totally agree with, I am a post traumatic stress and depression sufferer, I can't say I know how you are feeling because I have never had what you got, I have however felt the pain of family turning against me and that hurts a lot, as Mias says write a letter to each of your family, or try to at least, if you can't do it all in one go then do a little then put it to one side until you can face writing some more. I find writing my feelings down helps, when I was diagnosed a few years ago now, one of the things I got told to do was start a diary, write all your feelings down, I do mine on the computer and I find it really does help, also go out for a walk every day but only if you want to, believe me it helps though.

If you want to add people as friends here and have a exchange of private messages, then do so, I have found it helps me.

Anyway welcome to this forum and take care, no-one will judge you here and I know that from what I have done.

Take care ok

Rick

[mistakemaker]

keeping positive, on 20 March 2012 - 01:04 PM, said:

Hi mistakemaker

Welcome to the forum

I am not a service user but the partner of someone who is ill (and doesn't know it), there are lots of people on here who can sympathise and empathise with you and can help you.

You speak in the past tense "didn't know I was psychotic" you seem to have insight now and hopefully things are starting to look up for you.

Have you tried to contact your family, perhaps explain how things were for you, your thoughts and experiences back then?

Anyway, stick around and you will find that everyone on here is brilliant and very helpful.

Take care

Hello Keeping Positive

Thank You for your very kind reply, it really did help. Yes, youre right, I didnt know just how ill I was at the time when my family turned their back. But I did try to jump off a bridge on to the M1 motorway, when I realised they werent able to support me.
After reading your advice, it is becoming clearer that I suppose, they just didnt know how to help, and couldnt understand. Since then, I have gained insight, and to me, that is a really important step for anyone with a mental illness to take. Thank You again, and I am sorry that the person you mentioned isnt 'aware' of being ill. It is a horrid situation. My partner tried to convince me how ill I was, but I just would not believe it. Things got really bad. Hope your situation improves, and thank you x

[mistakemaker]

mias, on 20 March 2012 - 08:22 PM, said:

Yes, I agree with KP.

How about writing a letter to each member of your family explaining how you feel and how much you miss them etc. I find writing easier than speaking face to face, and I don't think the phone is appropriate in this case. At least a letter has to be read, hopefully, but they cannot argue whilst reading it. Then they will have the chance to think about things. Maybe they didn't understand what was going on.


Hey, nice to meet you. If you ever feel lonely, leave a message.

Hello, I have thought of writing a letter, but it just feels SO DIFFICULT at the moment. I want to say so much about why things have come to this, and that its not their fault. But, then, I think, what about the families that DO try, that HAVE tried to help or support a person with mental illness. I am sure that happens sometimes. That some families actually join together, and find support not only for the person in question, but for themselves. I would imagine it is quite hard to accept for any family, that their daughter, sister, brother, father etc was suffering from mental illness. I know, that if it was the other way around, that I would SUPPORT and not RUN from the situation. That, I think is what hurts the most. I'm sure I will get there though, thanx xx

[mistakemaker]

Ricademus, on 20 March 2012 - 10:08 PM, said:

Hi Mistake maker

The advice that has been given here I totally agree with, I am a post traumatic stress and depression sufferer, I can't say I know how you are feeling because I have never had what you got, I have however felt the pain of family turning against me and that hurts a lot, as Mias says write a letter to each of your family, or try to at least, if you can't do it all in one go then do a little then put it to one side until you can face writing some more. I find writing my feelings down helps, when I was diagnosed a few years ago now, one of the things I got told to do was start a diary, write all your feelings down, I do mine on the computer and I find it really does help, also go out for a walk every day but only if you want to, believe me it helps though.

If you want to add people as friends here and have a exchange of private messages, then do so, I have found it helps me.

Anyway welcome to this forum and take care, no-one will judge you here and I know that from what I have done.

Take care ok

Rick

Hi Rick,

Thanx for the advice, and I am sorry that you have been in a similar situation. It hurts in a way, that seems not to ease at all. I a trying different ways to combat this. A letter or letters is a good idea, but where the hell do I start! I will try though, small steps are best at the moment, arent they? still finding my way around the site, and am beginning to give myself the care and time it takes to gain new friends, and hopefully be able accept myself rather than feel ashamed of my illness. Thanx Rik, x

[Can't be bothered]

Where to start?? Well how about you tell them how much you love them, how much you miss them.

Hey my friend we all have feelings I for one knows that, I have been so much luckier than yourself, my wife and girls have stuck by my side all through by bad times, although they have admitted they didn't know how bad a really was until I tried to take my life, don't get me wrong that is not what I am telling you to do, my situation was so bad at the time I could not see any other way out.
There is something else I say here as well, we are all here under the same umbrella, we all have an invisible illness, that's what I call it and we all need friends, even if they are virtual ones that are found online, we all help each other in some way.

Take care

Rick

[Mr Bluesky]

Hi Mistakemaker, We all make mistakes and i'm sure we'll all make many more..so don't feel so bad with yourself when you do,as for others,they are struggling most of the time, thinking they are going mad or are losing it,it's what happens when we compare our lives with other peoples and we always get the wrong answers,we are all unique no two the same all trying to live the same life,now that's never going to work but yet the world tries.I have no cures and no definitive answers to your problems just a thought," that the answers are within yourself and taking charge of what happens to you is your main goal".As you say"life is what we make it",or we let other people make it and we end up with the problems,as for who can help that can be hard to find,for that we need trust,and that is one of the first things we lose as mental issues take hold...We all need help most of the time,a friend is what we all need.
Don't let anyone hit(slap)you, it's assault, and it's wrong...If a person loves you,they wouldn't hurt you,unless they have a problem too,and your not their problem,as for the police,you tell them if you didn't have a problem you wouldn't be there asking for their help,they have a duty of care not to place you back in a place of harm once you have told them what's been happening...even if you've been sectioned,they should believe you,and get advice from your GP or the people dealing with your mental health,you are a person not your illness..
Lastly i was sad to read your page and i hope we can help you find your inner strength to battle your problems and become that person you think you should be....Sincerly Mr Bluesky

[bronnie]

Hi Mistakemaker,

mistakemaker, on 20 March 2012 - 12:30 PM, said:

Hello
I am newbie, and have been struggling, even to make a start just to say hi! I tried to introduce myself a few months ago, but went a bit downhill. At the moment, I am beginning to slide down further. I cannot stop my thoughts from upsetting me, and it is SO HARD! I try to ignore my feelings of guilt and I just cant. I always say the wrong thing, to everyone I meet. I have lost my family because of my illness. At the time when everything was falling apart and I didnt know I was psychotic, my family turned away. GOD I miss my sister so much, and my Mum, my cousins, everybody. My children have been affected too. I cannot have anymore children because it always turns into Post Natal Psychosis of some kind. I hope that somebody can understand how difficult Schizo-Affective Disorder can be, and how it can destroy relationships. I dont think I can feel more alone. Where do I go from here? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated, I think I need a friend, just dont know where to begin with starting anew.

I'm a newbie too and know how you are feeling. I have had psychosis too and it was really bad. I was taken to A&E so there was no "not knowing" I had it. Really hope your relationships can be salvaged. Sometimes it feels like there is now way out, but you have come this far and still survived things. You have your kids, so hang on in there for them. Maybe you can touch base with one member of your family who you think is more likely to reply. Then once you've built a friendship with them, let them contact the other members of your family on your behalf, this might be easier than trying to do it all yourself