[Alfonso Bongo]

Hi,

First post and a bit heavy but I need some opinions. Been going out of my mind about this the last couple of weeks, not sleeping normally, constantly stressed and distracted, can't focus on doing anything.

I'm 33 with the diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia since 1999. Been relatively stable on meds since 2000 but have struggled to hold down a job and =have never been able to afford moving out of my parents' house, something which has been the bane of my existence for a long time. I don't have a great relationship with my folks and have been craving independence for far too long.

Recently my parents have offered to buy me a flat/small house (they are quite wealthy themselves), which initially seemed like good news. The daily suicidal thoughts disappeared as I started to imagine my new life. However the good vibes quickly changed to a rollercoaster of conflicting emotions as I struggled to come to terms with various factors I am not at all comfortable with in this arrangement. It's got to the point today that my mother is despairing as I can't be bothered to muster any enthusiasm for the further viewings we have lined up for tomorrow. I have spent the whole day arsing around on the 'net - cannot bring myself to do the necessary research and make the necessary phonecalls that we agreed I would.

I will list the problems:

- Guilt about having a place bought for me. How will I be able to look people in the eye having been gifted something like 140k?

- It will not belong to me, at least initially. My parents will have a key and right of entry, and a say in everything to do with "my" place. I'll have less independence than if I was renting privately. Not good psychologically. And it could go on indefinitely.

- Going to viewings (we have seen 24 different places so far) with my mother has been mentally draining. We hardly agree on anything and every other word she utters is either a critique of what I am saying or a condescending dismissal of my views. In turn I get impatient with her and we bicker constantly. It's come to the point where just hearing her voice feels like getting hit round the head.

- While the house belongs to my parents (could be several years) they want me to apply for and pay them the maximum amount of housing benefit for the area. This just seems like out and out legal fraud. Pure greed at the expense of the taxpayer. I already receive ESA and DLA at the lowest rate, but this seems beyond the pale. A quick google for people in similar situations reveals a wealth of righteous hate from ordinary people footing the bill for what is arguably a scam.

- I am not sure I have any alternative but to go along with the scheme. Living here with my parents is not possible any more - I think I will end up killing myself if I do. However I'm not strong enough to cope with the many downsides of social housing, am not sure I'd even qualify and in any case would be talked out of it by my overbearing parents, who have had a say in pretty much everything in my life.

I'd like to run away but with £400 left of my overdraft that's a pretty stupid idea.

Sorry for length. Any ideas here?

[Monkerty Tunkerty]

Hi, please don't worry what people might think about 'legal fraud' or whatever, it's just not true, your parents could probably get more rent from working people, the new housing benefit rules mean that only 3 out of 10 suitable properties in your area will be fully paid for on housing benefit, the cheapest 30% (not sure when this comes in), this is down from 50%.

I rented a terrace from my mother from 2003 to 2007, personally I preferred it compared to my situation now where I get inspected from the lettings agent every three to six months, got to hide all the smoking paraphernalia and the dog bowl and bed, and the dog of course! Stress . It really depends on your relationship though I suppose.

I know viewings are really stressful, I couldn't cope, personally I wouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, I'd snap their hand off at the first decent place. I'm similar to you, 30yo diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia in 2000, my mental health is much better since having my own space.

Go easy on yourself and screw what the taxpayers think, I'd swap schizophrenia with them any day.

[mias]

Hey Alfonzo, I agree with Robmac, having your own place and space could be just what you need and don't worry to much, I am sure that your parents will only come around either to catch up with you occasionally like parentS and family do - they may possibly visit more if and when they think you need a bit of extra support. But you say you have been OK for ages now...Hey you never know, tomorrow you just might get to see something you really like. Try and enjoy it, it is a means to an end. Hope you find a place soon. Let us know won't you.

[ramboself]

Having lived in social housing for at least the last 2 decades i think your lucky to have parents prepared to help, and as has been said don't look a gifthorse in the mouth, though i heard that parents could no longer buy properties to rent to they're children

[ghost]

I would agree with Rambo. Its very easy to be to involved or close to an issue and not realise what you have sometimes. Social housing can be quite hard work and coming from the opposite end of the scale I think you are quite lucky to have these options. like many things in life though we don't always realise how important things are until they aren't there any more.

[eyewashere]

.