[GEC]

I am looking for advice on how to help my brother. He is 38 and lives about 2 hours from me. For the last 5 years he has withdrawn nearly all communication and interaction with family. I do not believe he has any friends either.

Today I managed via text message to get him to call me. The last time I achieved this was 3 years ago. He told me that in the last 3 years the only places he has been to is work, to the supermarket and to get his hair cut. He says he cannot face any deviation from his routine. I suggested visiting his G.P but he feels unable to contemplate even making the call to book an appointment. I asked him to speak to my Mum, just to keep in touch and he said he would not know how to hold the conversation or what to say. We had 20 minutes on the phone today and I kept the conversation going, but I had to ask a lot of open questions.

I asked him if he would read anything I could find that I could post to him that may help or offer advice and he said he would. I'm not confident though.

I am completely out of my depth here and except for researching and printing some articles for him I don't know how to help.

Any advice therefore would be gratefully received.

Thanks.

[fernspray]

Hi there. I am sorry to hear about your brother's situation. I am not an expert but it does sound like depression. The only advice I can give is to offer to make the appointment for him and to go with him , into the consultation too if he wants.It could be that he is afraid to go and hear what the doctor may say. I have been in that situation and had to have my husband go to the doctor's with me many times.Hope this helps.

[GEC]

fernspray, on 28 February 2012 - 07:16 PM, said:

Hi there. I am sorry to hear about your brother's situation. I am not an expert but it does sound like depression. The only advice I can give is to offer to make the appointment for him and to go with him , into the consultation too if he wants.It could be that he is afraid to go and hear what the doctor may say. I have been in that situation and had to have my husband go to the doctor's with me many times.Hope this helps.

I think this is a step too far at the moment. He doesn't even want me to visit let alone go to the Doctors with him.

[manic666]

If you havent seen your brother in a long time, how can you be sure how he is liveing his life. He could be depressed or he may chose to live the way he does, who can say what he is doing if you havent seen him, you say he lives 2 hour,s away why dont you pop up an see for yourself what his life is like. It could be a lot different than you are thinking .

[GEC]

I can't be 100% sure. I have to go on what he told me this week which does correlate with our conversations three years ago. I did turn up at his bedsit once about 4 years ago and the reception was close to hostile becuase we didn't ask to visit. I said to him that when we had tried to get in touch to arrange a visit he alwasy put us off.

He could be choosing to live this way but the the way he talks suggest he would like to get back to a more normal existence but is incapable of making the decision to do so, let alone visiting a doctor or support group.

[mias]

Just wondering if you have made any progress with your brother?

[Olivia - Rethink]

Hi GEC,

You might like to contact our Advice and Information Service for ideas on how you could support your brother to get help, and the routes he could take if he was to start trying to get help. As you said, a GP is a good start if he wants to take that step.

They could also suggest some literature that might be helpful for your brother as he said he was interested in finding out more. It sounds like he is interested and it could help for him to have some options available so he can think about them first.

I'm sure you are also helping a lot just by talking to him about it and giving him the chance to start the conversation.

All the best,

Olivia