[KLS]

Hi All,

My sister has been doing ok these last few months and things seemed to have been fairly stable at home. Then this week a person who my sister thought was her friend decided it would be ok to really upset her. I can't believe that this person did this to my sister seeing as they know what she's been through over the last few months. I've called her everyday and tried to keep the conversation upbeat.

I just wonder what other siblings do when they are trying to keep a brother or sister positive even in difficult circumstances, is it just a case of being upbeat? does that sometimes sound too patronising and it's better to take another approach?



KLS

[sweetpea]

KLS, on 03 December 2011 - 12:11 PM, said:

Hi All,

My sister has been doing ok these last few months and things seemed to have been fairly stable at home. Then this week a person who my sister thought was her friend decided it would be ok to really upset her. I can't believe that this person did this to my sister seeing as they know what she's been through over the last few months. I've called her everyday and tried to keep the conversation upbeat.

I just wonder what other siblings do when they are trying to keep a brother or sister positive even in difficult circumstances, is it just a case of being upbeat? does that sometimes sound too patronising and it's better to take another approach?

Like you KLS, I do my best to try to be upbeat with my brother when I speak to him on the phone - and focus on some of the positive things he has going on, or talk to him about stuff I've been up to.

But sometimes I think it's also useful to acknowledge the 'negative emotions' he might be feeling - whether that's anger or frustration or feeling low - to not shy away from those things or try to brush them under the carpet.

So I might say something like 'it sounds like you're having a bit of a difficult time at the moment' or 'I can understand that must be really annoying for you'.

I guess I try to empathise with him and acknowledge what's going on for him.

I worked on a helpline for a while and they taught us that this was an important part of listening to someone - reflecting back what someone is saying to you. It's about making that person feel heard.

I also try to remind myself that I'm not there to try to fix everything for my brother (I can't anyway) but by listening and trying to empathise I'm hopefully helping in some small way.

Hope that helps.

[ChrisB]

sweetpea, on 04 December 2011 - 11:18 AM, said:

I worked on a helpline for a while and they taught us that this was an important part of listening to someone - reflecting back what someone is saying to you. It's about making that person feel heard.

Thats really good advice there!

I had some counselling recently with a counsellor from MIND, here key tactic was to reflect back to me what i had said........have to be careful not to sound like a parrot though.......it enabled me to think whether I really meant what I said and to re position myself, at the same time realising that she was listening very closely - it helped!

[KLS]

thanks guys really good advice