[Katrina]

Hi everyone

Its been nearly a year since I last posted here, it was just after I lost my brother.

Its coming up to that time of year, the first anniversary of his death and I am struggling so bad. I have had a long term battle with depression myself and I feel like today it has taken hold of me. I have work at 5.30 and have no idea how I'm going to function. I feel like I'm on another planet today.

I have been organising some fundraising for Rethink Mental Illness recently and was on my local radio station yesterday discussing it, I think whilst this was great to do and very rewarding it has mentally exhausted me. I have sat here all morning trying to attempt uni work and just keep bursting in to tears.

I am doing something great in memory of my brother but I would rather just have him here with me today, I feel so alone without him. I feel so angry that he suffered, that anyone is suffering with mental illness. I just don't understand it at all today. Does anyone else every feel like this?

[sweetpea]

Hi Katrina - I think it's great that you're doing some fundraising for Rethink. But I can understand that it's brought up lots of emotions for you, particularly with it coming up to the anniversary of your brother's death. It's really important that you look after yourself and get some support if you need it. It's such a huge thing to go through and you need to be kind to yourself and look after your own wellbeing. I don't know whether you're getting help with your depression - if you aren't and feel like you need some, I'm sure the Rethink helpline can advise you on how to go about that.

I know what you mean about feeling angry that anyone has to suffer with mental illness, especially your own brother. It seems so horribly unfair doesn't it. My brother suffers from mental illness and I often feel extremely angry about that, not just for him but for me and my mum and dad, who are all struggling to cope with it. I find it helps to let out my feelings, either by talking it through with my boyfriend or a friend, or writing about it on here - just getting it out helps me feel calmer and more able to carry on.

Take care of yourself, and let us know how you're getting on.

[mias]

Oh Katrina,

Over the years on this forum I have had to try very hard to imagine myself in other peoples shoes or see things from their point of view but with this I can actually say I know how you feel.

Only a year, poor you and your family. I bet it feels like yesterday. It would have been hard for you anyway at this time of year so close to your brothers anniversary but having to be strong and talk on a radio show yesterday would certainly have taken it out of you so no wonder you are feeling as you do.

We all handle these things differently. I do think that some people throw themselves into doing something for a good cause, trying to help others with similar problems. Other people would rather not speak about it and try and put it all behind them.


You need a day away from it all. Any chance that you could do something you will enjoy this coming weekend. Something you can look forward to?

Look after youself Katrina, cause it's early days. You do not say what happened to your brother (is the old thread on here for me to read)? I am guessing the worsed.

You must tread carefully and look after yourself when you get the chance. He would want you to, I am sure of it.

mias

[mias]

I have read your thread from January. I remember now. Your story is different to mine but we still lost someone we loved.

I do hope you got the replies left for you at that time.

We are here should you ever feel like talking.

This may sound strange but I got one of those subliminal cd's - there were words under some sort of guitar type music. At first I thought it was silly but then I kinda got used to having it on in the background. If I have a wobbly day and I do as things have never been the same for me since, I still get it out and put it on, it's funny it is as though time has stood still.

I also started to need the radio on to keep my mind off things. I could not be in the silence anywhere. The funny thing, I am still doing it. The radio is the first thing I put on in the morning - that and the kettle

Well, I hope you get these replies.

[Katrina]

ill be totally 100% honest
i am very drunk

i feel very alone but with you guys i feel like i have a group that understands. mias thankyou i feel really comforted by your acknowledgement. i wish he was here to sit with me and giggle stupidly at life, life is so silly sometimes. we used to laugh about how weird and wonderful our lives were, since he died my life seems empty and cold, maybe it isn't x

[mias]

Are you awake yet. How are you feeing thismorning

[sweetpea]

Katrina, I hope you're doing ok.

[mias]

We didn't hear back from you. How are you? I hope Christmas was not too hard.