[sweetpea]

KLS, on 28 November 2011 - 09:20 PM, said:

Hi Sweetpea,

Its so lovely to see how much you care for your brother he really is lucky to have you

I know what you mean about feeling sad because of it all, I often think about how for the rest of my life I'm going to be worrying about my sister and sometimes I feel guilty that I have my own life and have a job etc it's very tough but it makes me feel a bit better knowing that I'm there for my sister even when times are difficult. I'm so glad I found Rethink when I did and im always amazed how strong people are on this forum, it really does give me hope

Xxxx

Thanks for your message KLS. I'm actually feeling quite a bit better than I was earlier. I don't let myself face those feelings fully very often, as I don't want to wallow in it all, and it doesn't actually change anything for my brother me being sad. But with him just having gone into hospital again, it's brought lots of emotions to the surface. As you say, I think we can take some comfort from knowing we are there to support our siblings when things are difficult. I'm also v pleased to have found Rethink and to have connected with other people affected by mental illness. It's hard to be strong all the time, so anything we can do to help each other find strength has to be a good thing. Thanks again for your kind words. x

[mias]

Sweetpea, on 28 November 2011 - 02:10 PM, said:

Ah, thank you both of you. Am feeling quite emotional today so it's been nice getting your messages.

I do try to be there for my brother but I'm not perfect by any means. I can't always have that much contact with him - he can be very difficult to be around sometimes. I know it's because of his illness and i try to remember that. But sometimes i need to distance myself from it all and get on with my own life. At the moment I'm feeing really guilty for not making more of an effort on a regular basis, when he must feel so lonely. He can be a difficult person to have in my life, but I feel like I need to try and be there for him more. He doesn't really have anyone else apart from me and my parents.

I'm feeling particularly sad today about the injustice of it all. Why does this have to happen to my brother? Why does he have this illness which means that nearly all of his friends have abandoned him, and he can't build the career for himself that he wants, and he lives in a council flat with very little money to get by on, and he's about four stone overweight because of emotional over-eating. It just makes me feel so so sad for him.

Sorry, just need to have a bit of a rant and get some of this out.

Thanks for being there.

Just checking you are OK and feeling less 'sad' about things today?

Somtimes when the going gets tough we feel we just can't do it any more or we feel so sad but then our mood can lift and we are ready to fight again.

How good that you and KLS have met up on this forum, I know you will have a lot in common and it will be so helpful for you to be able to contact each other on those tough old days. Hey, even the good ones too & I am hopeful that you will both get more of those over the months to come.

[sweetpea]

mias, on 29 November 2011 - 01:06 PM, said:

Just checking you are OK and feeling less 'sad' about things today?

Somtimes when the going gets tough we feel we just can't do it any more or we feel so sad but then our mood can lift and we are ready to fight again.

How good that you and KLS have met up on this forum, I know you will have a lot in common and it will be so helpful for you to be able to contact each other on those tough old days. Hey, even the good ones too & I am hopeful that you will both get more of those over the months to come.

Mias, thanks for checking in with me. I'm actually doing loads better today. I went to yoga this morning which I find really helps to clear my head.

It was good to let off steam on here yesterday. I find just writing it down gives me some release.

Look forward to talking more with you - and the other people I've met on here like KLS. As you say, it sounds like we have quite a lot in common.

Here's to us all having more good days than bad ones over the coming months.

[KLS]

Mias, i hope you know how helpful your comments are, you're always so thoughtful in your replies it really is so amazing to see people who don't know each other helping each other out

Really glad to hear you're feeling a bit better Sweetpea. I think writing things down is a fantastic way to get 'everything out' it certainly made me feel a bit better when my sister took an overdose as i realised i wasn't alone and everything that was happening has happened to other people (hospital people deciding after 5 minutes with my sister that she wasn't bipolar even though a couple of doctors have diagnosed her with being bipolar as well as a psychiatrist). The practical advice is also so valuable because it's difficult to know what help is available when it comes to mental health care.

[Fran]

sweetpea, on 28 November 2011 - 11:10 PM, said:

Ah, thank you both of you. Am feeling quite emotional today so it's been nice getting your messages.

I do try to be there for my brother but I'm not perfect by any means. I can't always have that much contact with him - he can be very difficult to be around sometimes. I know it's because of his illness and i try to remember that. But sometimes i need to distance myself from it all and get on with my own life. At the moment I'm feeing really guilty for not making more of an effort on a regular basis, when he must feel so lonely. He can be a difficult person to have in my life, but I feel like I need to try and be there for him more. He doesn't really have anyone else apart from me and my parents.

I'm feeling particularly sad today about the injustice of it all. Why does this have to happen to my brother? Why does he have this illness which means that nearly all of his friends have abandoned him, and he can't build the career for himself that he wants, and he lives in a council flat with very little money to get by on, and he's about four stone overweight because of emotional over-eating. It just makes me feel so so sad for him.

Sorry, just need to have a bit of a rant and get some of this out.

Thanks for being there.

Hi Sweetpea and others

I have just read all of this post and cried the whole way through. Almost everything you have said I am currently experiencing. I have only just found this site and it is a blessing. I am 27 and my brother is 18. He refuses to talk to my parents, I am his only support, so fortunately I do get information from his doctors but only to a certain point because he is an adult. He was sectioned to hospital this week for the first time, he isn’t diagnosed yet. (If you’re interested see my post looking for advice. I wont repeat it all again here. I posted before I read your experiences).

I feel like I have just been crying and crying. It is an amazing relief to find others in a similar situation. I feel my friends have had enough of me, it is just too hard to help. I don’t know what would help anyway. I feel sick most of the time I am so stressed. I am so sad for my brother. I miss him. His decline was very rapid and very significant. So much of him changed so very fast. I feel the brother I knew isn’t there at the moment.

It is great to hear hope from others that meds do help. I would also love to hear from sufferers of mental illness if anyone said anything useful to you which helped you understand?

I find it hard to not just rant and rant myself. It is so unfair and mental health is so hard to deal with. It is consuming so many of my own thoughts, I feel so guilty, there is so many things he needs help with – what should I do, I want to just burry my head in the sand and make it go away. Yes I hear you I am parenting my parents! Particularly because my brother refuses to talk to my parents I am the only one dealing with him face to face and dealing with the hospital and nurses and hours of his ‘manic’ talk.

I would love to talk to you more and hear how you are dealing with it. I think we are in very similar situations. I am struggling the most with how you help someone who doesn’t know they are sick?

Sorry another essay. There is just so much to deal with!

I hope your brother is doing ok today.

Thank you in advance for any advice you can share.
Fran

[Admin - Rethink]

Fran, sorry about your post above being invisible until now! I don't know how that happened.

[sweetpea]

Fran, for some weird reason your post only just got posted on here, hence why I’m only replying now.

It definitely sounds like we have a lot in common and I’d be more than happy to share my experiences with you, and hear more about yours.

As you say, it’s a massive relief to find others in a similar situation isn’t it? Before I found this site I used to hardly ever share my feelings about what was going on to do with my brother. I mean occasionally I’d talk to friends or my partner but I often felt like I didn’t really want to ‘go on about it’.

Being able to come on here and write about what’s going on – and get advice and messages from people who have personal experience of mental illness – has been such a help, particularly over the last few weeks while my brother's been in hospital. I didn’t realise quite how alone I felt in it all until I found this site and appreciated the value of being able to share my experiences with others.

I’m really glad you’ve found the site too and I hope in some way we can help each other through some of this.

You talk about struggling with helping someone who doesn’t know they’re sick - I sometimes think that's the hardest aspect of my brother’s illness. I don’t have any easy answers I’m afraid, apart from to say that my brother does have glimpses of awareness when he’s taking medication – he still doesn’t want to talk about it, but occasionally I feel he has some insight into his situation. I wonder if your brother will also develop more awareness / acceptance once his meds start working fully?

There is so much to deal with, as you say – particularly in your case where you’re the only one who has contact with your brother. That’s a lot of pressure. Perhaps over time your brother will want to have more contact again with your parents?

I also think that it’s bound to feel very full on for you at the moment as your brother’s only just been sectioned (if I remember that correctly from your first post). Over time it should become easier to cope with – not that the hurt and anger etc ever go away completely – but you do find ways to accept and live with the situation you now find yourself in.

Anyway, my turn now for an essay! Hope you’re doing ok and managing to find ways to be nice to yourself in the midst of all this. It’s such a huge thing to deal with, so make sure you access all the support you can and take good care of yourself.

Stay in touch – let us know how it’s all going. xx