[marykate4400]

I am struggling with worrying about a friend who lives too far away for me to get to and hug. She is battling depression and has suicidal feelings on and off, but did contact Crisis/Home Treatment Team once I had said I had used them extensively myself and that they really helped me. Although it seems like she is being cared for - she has a loving husband, Crisis visit and she is now under the care of a consultant psychiatrist, I feel like I should be able to do more...
When she was hospitalized for the 1st time last year, I visited her in hospital every other day. She was always there for me and I wanted to be there for her.
We are have always been in daily text message contact but today I didn't get any reply.
I have just received a txt message saying she is back in hospital after being picked up on a section 136....
I am struggling with my feelings of extreme concern, extreme disappointment, anger at myself for not being able to be there to prevent her being hospitalized, being sooooooo dissappointed and feeling like I want to hurt myself for not being there for my friend.
What should I do?

[ChrisB]

When I was under Section 136 and spent time on the ward, there was a patients phone line and poeple rang in - it was wierd but worked!

You cant blame yourself for not catching her when she fell, its not your fault, and she is safe which is a huge relief.

Is there anyway to talk with her family? Can you arrange a visit perhaps?

[marykate4400]

I want to visit but can't - but the fact that there is a patient phone-line is reassuring. I hadn't thought of that, my heads so muddled. I shall get the number and ring her ... Thanks for your reply!

ChrisB, on 19 September 2011 - 10:36 PM, said:

You cant blame yourself for not catching her when she fell, its not your fault, and she is safe which is a huge relief.

You're very right...again, didn't think of it that way...

[Admin - Rethink]

Just saw this...thanks ChrisB, a great reply. MaryKate4400, if you want to update us about your friend please do, and if we can help with how you feel, let us know.

[marykate4400]

Just a quick update - my friend spent a sleepless night on the ward, and has just gone in to meet with the powers that be...I shall write again soon. I sense all is not well.

I am struggling today - with feeling severely disappointed with myself still for not being there to pick up the phone when she called me, clearly in need. Strangely, I also feel disappointed with my friend herself...it feels like she let me down somehow? I am battling with guilt over feeling this way. Overall, I feel extremely upset and saddened..

[ChrisB]

I can understand that. You are dissapointed you haven't been more available and also disappointed she wasn't more open with you.

Sounds to me like u are really good friends that you protect each other from some of the worst bits....good friends do that so they don't burden you.

Keep sending her positive vibes and look after yourself, she will want to share her recovery with you I'm sure x

[mias]

Sometimes we have to show we care but can't always be right there. Just like on here

She knows you care, just as you know she would be there for you. If you were not well right now, she too would not be able to give you your hug (huggle) in person, but you would be happy to know she was thinking of you and staying in contact anyway possible.

Hey, how about an old fashioned pretty card in the post! with a nice letter inside to cheer her up a little and give her some hope. I love receiving a well chosen card.

That reminds me, I must send my Uncle his card for this week. I have been writing to him once or twice a week since my lovely Auntie died earlier this summer. I will do it now. x

[ChrisB]

mias, on 20 September 2011 - 05:08 PM, said:

.

Hey, how about an old fashioned pretty card in the post! with a nice letter inside to cheer her up a little and give her some hope. I love receiving a well chosen card.

Thats a lovely idea Mias and way more thoughful than a text or email

[marykate4400]

THANK YOU - I will make her a card and write a letter to put inside it - what a WONDERFUL idea...my mind is a mess so am not thinking so clearly....Why didn't I think?!

[ChrisB]

marykate4400, on 20 September 2011 - 07:01 PM, said:

Why didn't I think?!

You did, but like all of us when stressed its hard to get some clarity at times

[marykate4400]

It has been hard writing this letter – mostly because I HATE psychiatric wards and you are now in one. I also REALLY want to be there to HUG you but can’t. I’d like you to know that even though we are separated by miles and miles, you are never far from my daily thoughts. I shall pray for your speedy recovery. I know that I can’t do anything right now, and to be honest, having been where you are now myself before, not much can help at this point in your journey through life.

You must dig deep old friend, dig deep and find yourself. NAME BLANKED; you must become self-aware and realise that our time is short on this Earth and YOU are gripping your own steering wheel of life. It may seem as though you are not in control, but really, you are the ONLY one steering the car! YOU alone can CHOOSE to give up. You can GET BUSY DYING or GET BUSY LIVING. Remember also that there are passengers in the car you are driving, I’m one, Ibby is another amongst MANY MORE passengers whose lives you have touched with your magical charm, wit, beauty and bubbly personality. Don’t drive us all into a brick wall buddy. The arrow only goes forward once you pull BACK the string, the bullet only shoots forward once you pull BACK the trigger – you can only be happy once you face the problems that life throws at you. Don’t be afraid to face your difficulties, they’ll only PUSH you FORWARD!

We are ALL rooting for you pal. I am like your number one fan mate! I know I for one can’t wait for you and Ibby to have little kiddywinkles. I wanna be there when you proudly show me your little one! **** it, I will be honest and tell you I wanna be an honorary aunty/God parent. I want our kids to grow up knowing one another.

There is so much life left to look forward to my friend, so just hang tough, batten down the hatches and weather the storm. It will pass. And the sun WILL shine again.

Practical advice now: I need you to find the strength within you to listen to me now. Please take my advice – DON’T let them section you. STAY a voluntary patient. I am CRYING now as I write this, I REALLY hate the thought that you may go down the same route I went. Don’t resist. Go with the flow. Swallow your pride and TAKE your GODDAMN medication as prescribed. EAT and DRINK. Stay AWAY from ALCOHOL it will **** you up in more ways than you can imagine. Lastly – SLEEP as much as you can. Your brain needs to rest. STOP thinking and just REST easy. There is now nothing you can do now, only focus on yourself. REGRETS and MISTAKES are just memories you can afford to lose to the ether…live now in the present. For everything that you miss, you will have gained something else, and for everything you gain you will miss something else. It’s simply about your OUTLOOK on life. You can waste time regretting, or spend it rejoicing.

I wish you all the best in a speedy recovery, come back to me soon sweetie. Come back to all of us.

I’ll be waiting patiently by the sidelines.

[mias]

WOW! That wasn't even for me and yet it made me feel good. What a wonderful person and friend you are. Funny thing, I knew it when you first came on here I really hope he/she will come out the other end of this soon.

[ChrisB]

Yes - WOW

In my head I had only got as far as "Thinking of you!"

[marykate4400]

Thanx - thanx for listening and being here for me x

[marykate4400]

My friend has now accepted the fact that she faced sectioning so agreed to stay as a voluntary in-patient. They've just found her a bed. She's miles away.....I will be at the post office tomorrow....and will call her in the evening to let her know to look out for her care package...thanx people.

[ChrisB]

Well done to you both and please let us know how she gets on x

[marykate4400]

mias, on 20 September 2011 - 08:07 PM, said:

WOW! That wasn't even for me and yet it made me feel good. What a wonderful person and friend you are. Funny thing, I knew it when you first came on here I really hope he/she will come out the other end of this soon.

I hope so too.....

ChrisB, on 20 September 2011 - 09:17 PM, said:

Well done to you both and please let us know how she gets on x

I will...