Help
Hi all, I am new here and like some others, found the site after listening to the Radio 4 programme All in the Mind.
My younger brother (my only sibling) is 35 and has had a diagnosis of schizophrenia since he was about 20. He has his own flat but spends most of the time living with my mum in her house as he finds it very hard to cope on his own. He has been hospitalised a couple of times over the years but seems to live most of his life in a delusional state. He takes medication sporadically but has no insight into his illness. I don't think that he believes he is ill.
He is very hostile and his manner, although not physically aggressive, is beligerent and argumentative when he is at his worst. He spends many hours ruminating and has no friends or any activities that he takes part in.
This has had a huge impact on my mum. My dad died about 5 years ago and I wondered if my brother would improve after that, as my father was a very critical, unpleasant person. But he seems to be worse now. My mum finds it all very stressful but has allowed him to become over dependent on her. She does everything for him including going up to his flat to clean it as well as looking after her own home and the mess he creates there.
My brother does not speak to me other than to say hello and to tell me about his latest delusional theories. I find it very distressing to be around him and my 3 children are also becoming more wary of him.
I feel so sad for my mum who seems unable to draw boundaries in their relationship to ensure her own well being.
I'm also (selfishly? I don't know) very worried about what will happen when my mum dies. I am the only sibling so no doubt will assume next of kin role. I just have horrible visions of him lying in squalor in his flat and me having to deal with all that...making sure he is still alive every few days...
Does anyone have any similar experiences? I feel very sad when I remember the person my brother used to be - the sweet, loving and affectionate boy and intelligent young man with his future ahead of him. Now he is someone quite different and it's heart breaking.
Thanks for reading this far.
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Scared of what the future may bring brother with schizophrenia
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#2
Harriet 
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Posted 14 July 2011 - 04:31 PM
Hi bean.
As much as you are suffering its so nice to know Im not the only one! I have a very similar situation with my brother. He lives with my parents. I posted my situation recently, so you can read that to get a background, but he too is over dependant on my mum, who now has cancer and is suffering terribly.
The fact that your brother has his own flat is fantastic. It means that even if he decides to live in squalour...at least he has somewhere to live. My struggle is trying to get my brother housed and away from my mum who just cannot cope with him anymore.At least if your mum does pass away, you wont have to deal with housing him.
My brother doesnt talk to me either unless he is telling me about his paranoias in a disjointed, aggressive and usually incomprehensible way.I have 3 children too who tend to keep out of his way! This has been manageable up to now because I have learnt to deal with him over the years and my mum has taken the brunt of it.
I found that I have had to keep my distance and not allow myself to be emotionally involved with the way he treats my mum and the way she panders to him and I have managed to do that as much as it makes me feel guilty for not doing more, but when you have a young family, you have to put them first.
Your brother will always be ill and will always do as little a possible for himself. That is part of the illness and something you can never change.
Whats interesting is that when necessity prevails, (as it has for my brother with my mum being so ill and my dad refusing to do anything for him) all of a sudden he has learnt to cook, clean, wash his clothes...not ironing yet though...shop, etc. It proves to me that he is capable and with monitoring and support can live an independant life. Ive just got to get him out of my parents house and into his own flat. A task that is proving nigh on impossible...so if you have any tips do let me know!
Its not at all selfish to wonder how you will cope when your mum dies...Ive done nothing but that since my brother was diognosed. But I think that he might just be more resilient than you think. I dont know about your brother but mine is the bane of my life! As much as i love him..he does cause so many problems. All we can do is be there when they need us, but not be the pushovers our mums are!!
Hope this helps in some way
Harriet
As much as you are suffering its so nice to know Im not the only one! I have a very similar situation with my brother. He lives with my parents. I posted my situation recently, so you can read that to get a background, but he too is over dependant on my mum, who now has cancer and is suffering terribly.
The fact that your brother has his own flat is fantastic. It means that even if he decides to live in squalour...at least he has somewhere to live. My struggle is trying to get my brother housed and away from my mum who just cannot cope with him anymore.At least if your mum does pass away, you wont have to deal with housing him.
My brother doesnt talk to me either unless he is telling me about his paranoias in a disjointed, aggressive and usually incomprehensible way.I have 3 children too who tend to keep out of his way! This has been manageable up to now because I have learnt to deal with him over the years and my mum has taken the brunt of it.
I found that I have had to keep my distance and not allow myself to be emotionally involved with the way he treats my mum and the way she panders to him and I have managed to do that as much as it makes me feel guilty for not doing more, but when you have a young family, you have to put them first.
Your brother will always be ill and will always do as little a possible for himself. That is part of the illness and something you can never change.
Whats interesting is that when necessity prevails, (as it has for my brother with my mum being so ill and my dad refusing to do anything for him) all of a sudden he has learnt to cook, clean, wash his clothes...not ironing yet though...shop, etc. It proves to me that he is capable and with monitoring and support can live an independant life. Ive just got to get him out of my parents house and into his own flat. A task that is proving nigh on impossible...so if you have any tips do let me know!
Its not at all selfish to wonder how you will cope when your mum dies...Ive done nothing but that since my brother was diognosed. But I think that he might just be more resilient than you think. I dont know about your brother but mine is the bane of my life! As much as i love him..he does cause so many problems. All we can do is be there when they need us, but not be the pushovers our mums are!!
Hope this helps in some way
Harriet
#3
bean
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Posted 14 July 2011 - 06:34 PM
Hi Harriet,
Thanks so much for your post. Our situations do sound very similar. I'm sorry you're also having such a difficult time at the moment and that your mum is unwell. My brother is indeed the bane of my life! I can feel so very angry with him at times, which isn't necessarily fair, but is just how it is! He is so supremely selfish - which I understand is part of the way his illness affects him - but it's hard to stomach at times.
As for the housing - yes, it was an enormous relief when he was offered a flat. I think it came about after liaison with his CPN and social worker following a hospital admission about 3 years ago. When he was let out he had more intensive support for a while - (at the moment he has no CPN or Social Worker for some reason). From what I understood, his illness meant that he was high priority for accommodation. If your bro has a CPN or SW I think they would be the best place to start. Also MIND may be able to advise or the CAB? (You may well have tried all these things already.)
It's interesting to see that your brother has managed to take on more responsibility now your mum is ill. I sometimes think that should the worst happen to my mum, he may choose to live in squalor and if it's that bad that he's at risk to himself then he would get more intensive support. I suppose if he had no relatives then Social Care would have no option but to help him.
It's really good to share experiences on here - thanks for taking the time to reply.
Thanks so much for your post. Our situations do sound very similar. I'm sorry you're also having such a difficult time at the moment and that your mum is unwell. My brother is indeed the bane of my life! I can feel so very angry with him at times, which isn't necessarily fair, but is just how it is! He is so supremely selfish - which I understand is part of the way his illness affects him - but it's hard to stomach at times.
As for the housing - yes, it was an enormous relief when he was offered a flat. I think it came about after liaison with his CPN and social worker following a hospital admission about 3 years ago. When he was let out he had more intensive support for a while - (at the moment he has no CPN or Social Worker for some reason). From what I understood, his illness meant that he was high priority for accommodation. If your bro has a CPN or SW I think they would be the best place to start. Also MIND may be able to advise or the CAB? (You may well have tried all these things already.)
It's interesting to see that your brother has managed to take on more responsibility now your mum is ill. I sometimes think that should the worst happen to my mum, he may choose to live in squalor and if it's that bad that he's at risk to himself then he would get more intensive support. I suppose if he had no relatives then Social Care would have no option but to help him.
It's really good to share experiences on here - thanks for taking the time to reply.
Harriet, on 14 July 2011 - 04:31 PM, said:
Hi bean.
As much as you are suffering its so nice to know Im not the only one! I have a very similar situation with my brother. He lives with my parents. I posted my situation recently, so you can read that to get a background, but he too is over dependant on my mum, who now has cancer and is suffering terribly.
The fact that your brother has his own flat is fantastic. It means that even if he decides to live in squalour...at least he has somewhere to live. My struggle is trying to get my brother housed and away from my mum who just cannot cope with him anymore.At least if your mum does pass away, you wont have to deal with housing him.
My brother doesnt talk to me either unless he is telling me about his paranoias in a disjointed, aggressive and usually incomprehensible way.I have 3 children too who tend to keep out of his way! This has been manageable up to now because I have learnt to deal with him over the years and my mum has taken the brunt of it.
I found that I have had to keep my distance and not allow myself to be emotionally involved with the way he treats my mum and the way she panders to him and I have managed to do that as much as it makes me feel guilty for not doing more, but when you have a young family, you have to put them first.
Your brother will always be ill and will always do as little a possible for himself. That is part of the illness and something you can never change.
Whats interesting is that when necessity prevails, (as it has for my brother with my mum being so ill and my dad refusing to do anything for him) all of a sudden he has learnt to cook, clean, wash his clothes...not ironing yet though...shop, etc. It proves to me that he is capable and with monitoring and support can live an independant life. Ive just got to get him out of my parents house and into his own flat. A task that is proving nigh on impossible...so if you have any tips do let me know!
Its not at all selfish to wonder how you will cope when your mum dies...Ive done nothing but that since my brother was diognosed. But I think that he might just be more resilient than you think. I dont know about your brother but mine is the bane of my life! As much as i love him..he does cause so many problems. All we can do is be there when they need us, but not be the pushovers our mums are!!
Hope this helps in some way
Harriet
As much as you are suffering its so nice to know Im not the only one! I have a very similar situation with my brother. He lives with my parents. I posted my situation recently, so you can read that to get a background, but he too is over dependant on my mum, who now has cancer and is suffering terribly.
The fact that your brother has his own flat is fantastic. It means that even if he decides to live in squalour...at least he has somewhere to live. My struggle is trying to get my brother housed and away from my mum who just cannot cope with him anymore.At least if your mum does pass away, you wont have to deal with housing him.
My brother doesnt talk to me either unless he is telling me about his paranoias in a disjointed, aggressive and usually incomprehensible way.I have 3 children too who tend to keep out of his way! This has been manageable up to now because I have learnt to deal with him over the years and my mum has taken the brunt of it.
I found that I have had to keep my distance and not allow myself to be emotionally involved with the way he treats my mum and the way she panders to him and I have managed to do that as much as it makes me feel guilty for not doing more, but when you have a young family, you have to put them first.
Your brother will always be ill and will always do as little a possible for himself. That is part of the illness and something you can never change.
Whats interesting is that when necessity prevails, (as it has for my brother with my mum being so ill and my dad refusing to do anything for him) all of a sudden he has learnt to cook, clean, wash his clothes...not ironing yet though...shop, etc. It proves to me that he is capable and with monitoring and support can live an independant life. Ive just got to get him out of my parents house and into his own flat. A task that is proving nigh on impossible...so if you have any tips do let me know!
Its not at all selfish to wonder how you will cope when your mum dies...Ive done nothing but that since my brother was diognosed. But I think that he might just be more resilient than you think. I dont know about your brother but mine is the bane of my life! As much as i love him..he does cause so many problems. All we can do is be there when they need us, but not be the pushovers our mums are!!
Hope this helps in some way
Harriet
#4
eyewashere
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Posted 14 July 2011 - 10:07 PM
We all benefit from loving one another. But, in the absence of the ideal, I choose to be free and hedge my bets on the eclectic few who like me a lot than to live in a repressed state of self censorship and cower for the benefit of those who don't.Fame and Fortune can be seen as diametrically opposed.
#5
eyewashere
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Posted 14 July 2011 - 10:48 PM
bean, on 13 July 2011 - 03:21 PM, said:
Hi all, I am new here and like some others, found the site after listening to the Radio 4 programme All in the Mind.
My younger brother (my only sibling) is 35 and has had a diagnosis of schizophrenia since he was about 20. He has his own flat but spends most of the time living with my mum in her house as he finds it very hard to cope on his own. He has been hospitalised a couple of times over the years but seems to live most of his life in a delusional state. He takes medication sporadically but has no insight into his illness. I don't think that he believes he is ill.
He is very hostile and his manner, although not physically aggressive, is beligerent and argumentative when he is at his worst. He spends many hours ruminating and has no friends or any activities that he takes part in.
This has had a huge impact on my mum. My dad died about 5 years ago and I wondered if my brother would improve after that, as my father was a very critical, unpleasant person. But he seems to be worse now. My mum finds it all very stressful but has allowed him to become over dependent on her. She does everything for him including going up to his flat to clean it as well as looking after her own home and the mess he creates there.
My brother does not speak to me other than to say hello and to tell me about his latest delusional theories. I find it very distressing to be around him and my 3 children are also becoming more wary of him.
I feel so sad for my mum who seems unable to draw boundaries in their relationship to ensure her own well being.
I'm also (selfishly? I don't know) very worried about what will happen when my mum dies. I am the only sibling so no doubt will assume next of kin role. I just have horrible visions of him lying in squalor in his flat and me having to deal with all that...making sure he is still alive every few days...
Does anyone have any similar experiences? I feel very sad when I remember the person my brother used to be - the sweet, loving and affectionate boy and intelligent young man with his future ahead of him. Now he is someone quite different and it's heart breaking.
Thanks for reading this far.
My younger brother (my only sibling) is 35 and has had a diagnosis of schizophrenia since he was about 20. He has his own flat but spends most of the time living with my mum in her house as he finds it very hard to cope on his own. He has been hospitalised a couple of times over the years but seems to live most of his life in a delusional state. He takes medication sporadically but has no insight into his illness. I don't think that he believes he is ill.
He is very hostile and his manner, although not physically aggressive, is beligerent and argumentative when he is at his worst. He spends many hours ruminating and has no friends or any activities that he takes part in.
This has had a huge impact on my mum. My dad died about 5 years ago and I wondered if my brother would improve after that, as my father was a very critical, unpleasant person. But he seems to be worse now. My mum finds it all very stressful but has allowed him to become over dependent on her. She does everything for him including going up to his flat to clean it as well as looking after her own home and the mess he creates there.
My brother does not speak to me other than to say hello and to tell me about his latest delusional theories. I find it very distressing to be around him and my 3 children are also becoming more wary of him.
I feel so sad for my mum who seems unable to draw boundaries in their relationship to ensure her own well being.
I'm also (selfishly? I don't know) very worried about what will happen when my mum dies. I am the only sibling so no doubt will assume next of kin role. I just have horrible visions of him lying in squalor in his flat and me having to deal with all that...making sure he is still alive every few days...
Does anyone have any similar experiences? I feel very sad when I remember the person my brother used to be - the sweet, loving and affectionate boy and intelligent young man with his future ahead of him. Now he is someone quite different and it's heart breaking.
Thanks for reading this far.
Hello,
I read your post with great interest. Although I am in Canada you might as well be my twenty-four year old daughter telling me I have to get out. My son is thirty years old. He too, had a psychotic break at twenty and has been hospitalized a few times over the years. Little differences are: 1) He has insight into his dis-ease. 2) He is very good with me re: kind and tries to be responsive though I know that he maintains his civility with great effort and 3)did not have a critical parent though his father died when he was two. I understand the stress of the chronic state of grief we feel when the person we love (my son was an accomplished classical pianist and writer) is no longer there but is not actually/physically gone. Also, my son had an apartment and gave it up willingly when it was too much as he too, seems to prefer to be with me. I too, attend to his needs re: cook, laundry, take him for a walk etc. when he is suffering but he does anything I ask when he is a little better.
We have group homes here for people with severe mental health needs but spaces are limited and the conditions are usually not great. I too, fear for his security when I am gone.
However, last year, when I had reached a tipping point, I had the opportunity to see a psychologist for six months. The process of looking at and talking about myself was incredibly helpful. I now, have a fledgling self which helps me a LOT when it comes to facing the facts of my own limitations. My daughter is independent and seems to maintain a similar relationship with her brother as you do though she too, loves him and feels badly about what happened to him. Anyway, I really appreciate the attention she gives me when she can and her concerns too, are more for me.
I have to go finish cooking dinner now, as my son is actually watching it but, I hope you continue posting and we can continue this conversation. I feel so deeply for you as I know the feelings are confusing, painful while the situation can be (and is in some respects) overwhelming. 'till soon I hope. All the best to you. P.S. I've no time to re-read this so I hope some of it makes sense. I will look for you here.
We all benefit from loving one another. But, in the absence of the ideal, I choose to be free and hedge my bets on the eclectic few who like me a lot than to live in a repressed state of self censorship and cower for the benefit of those who don't.Fame and Fortune can be seen as diametrically opposed.
#6
sarah b
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Posted 26 January 2012 - 06:45 PM
Hi bean
Your story sounds so familiar. I have just posted my sister's story on this site under the topic heading 'long term options for my sister' so you can read her story there. It's almost identical! I also so worry about my parents and what the future holds, especially as my father is very ill with Parkinson's and my mother is a full time carer for him, yet my sister is in many ways more of a worry and is a huge burden for my mum. Like your brother, she spends hours ruminating and can totally dominate the home environment.
I wondered if you've heard about any long term housing options for people like my sister/ your brother, where there are staff to monitor things and activities for them to be involved with. My sister longs to have friends but cannot seem to make them. We feel she needs to be somewhere where people know her and understand her, and this current situation is totally unsustainable.
Look forward to hearing from you. Reassuring to know you're not alone!
Sarah
Your story sounds so familiar. I have just posted my sister's story on this site under the topic heading 'long term options for my sister' so you can read her story there. It's almost identical! I also so worry about my parents and what the future holds, especially as my father is very ill with Parkinson's and my mother is a full time carer for him, yet my sister is in many ways more of a worry and is a huge burden for my mum. Like your brother, she spends hours ruminating and can totally dominate the home environment.
I wondered if you've heard about any long term housing options for people like my sister/ your brother, where there are staff to monitor things and activities for them to be involved with. My sister longs to have friends but cannot seem to make them. We feel she needs to be somewhere where people know her and understand her, and this current situation is totally unsustainable.
Look forward to hearing from you. Reassuring to know you're not alone!
Sarah
bean, on 13 July 2011 - 08:21 PM, said:
Hi all, I am new here and like some others, found the site after listening to the Radio 4 programme All in the Mind.
My younger brother (my only sibling) is 35 and has had a diagnosis of schizophrenia since he was about 20. He has his own flat but spends most of the time living with my mum in her house as he finds it very hard to cope on his own. He has been hospitalised a couple of times over the years but seems to live most of his life in a delusional state. He takes medication sporadically but has no insight into his illness. I don't think that he believes he is ill.
He is very hostile and his manner, although not physically aggressive, is beligerent and argumentative when he is at his worst. He spends many hours ruminating and has no friends or any activities that he takes part in.
This has had a huge impact on my mum. My dad died about 5 years ago and I wondered if my brother would improve after that, as my father was a very critical, unpleasant person. But he seems to be worse now. My mum finds it all very stressful but has allowed him to become over dependent on her. She does everything for him including going up to his flat to clean it as well as looking after her own home and the mess he creates there.
My brother does not speak to me other than to say hello and to tell me about his latest delusional theories. I find it very distressing to be around him and my 3 children are also becoming more wary of him.
I feel so sad for my mum who seems unable to draw boundaries in their relationship to ensure her own well being.
I'm also (selfishly? I don't know) very worried about what will happen when my mum dies. I am the only sibling so no doubt will assume next of kin role. I just have horrible visions of him lying in squalor in his flat and me having to deal with all that...making sure he is still alive every few days...
Does anyone have any similar experiences? I feel very sad when I remember the person my brother used to be - the sweet, loving and affectionate boy and intelligent young man with his future ahead of him. Now he is someone quite different and it's heart breaking.
Thanks for reading this far.
My younger brother (my only sibling) is 35 and has had a diagnosis of schizophrenia since he was about 20. He has his own flat but spends most of the time living with my mum in her house as he finds it very hard to cope on his own. He has been hospitalised a couple of times over the years but seems to live most of his life in a delusional state. He takes medication sporadically but has no insight into his illness. I don't think that he believes he is ill.
He is very hostile and his manner, although not physically aggressive, is beligerent and argumentative when he is at his worst. He spends many hours ruminating and has no friends or any activities that he takes part in.
This has had a huge impact on my mum. My dad died about 5 years ago and I wondered if my brother would improve after that, as my father was a very critical, unpleasant person. But he seems to be worse now. My mum finds it all very stressful but has allowed him to become over dependent on her. She does everything for him including going up to his flat to clean it as well as looking after her own home and the mess he creates there.
My brother does not speak to me other than to say hello and to tell me about his latest delusional theories. I find it very distressing to be around him and my 3 children are also becoming more wary of him.
I feel so sad for my mum who seems unable to draw boundaries in their relationship to ensure her own well being.
I'm also (selfishly? I don't know) very worried about what will happen when my mum dies. I am the only sibling so no doubt will assume next of kin role. I just have horrible visions of him lying in squalor in his flat and me having to deal with all that...making sure he is still alive every few days...
Does anyone have any similar experiences? I feel very sad when I remember the person my brother used to be - the sweet, loving and affectionate boy and intelligent young man with his future ahead of him. Now he is someone quite different and it's heart breaking.
Thanks for reading this far.
#7
Fran
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Posted 05 February 2012 - 01:07 PM
Ah it really scares me how the stories are all so similar. I am so early on in the journey. My brother is only 18 I am his sister, 27 and his only sibling. I have ranted and posted full details of my story in other posts but it is all fairly much the same!
Only this week I started talking to my brothers social worker about he accommodation needs. Currently my mum and dad (who my brother refuses to talk to) are paying for his rent in a shared apartment. It is not at all ideal. His case worker suggested he apply for government housing which he was very opposed to. I’m not sure why, I have stopped asking why most of the time. It is a long process here as I am sure it is everywhere (I’m in Australia). After reading your posts though I think I will just get him to do it anyway (or do it for him). There is such a long long road ahead at least if he has somewhere to live it will help. I do not want to be the person caring for him full time and sadly I am the only one who can be. I think I will do everything I can to keep him in a flat. Thank you for your posts to reinforce my thoughts.
My brother has only been diagnosed for a few months. The medication is helping but it is still hard. I am becoming so much tougher than I ever thought possible! I decided very quickly it sadly is never going to go away or stop. He might get better with time and meds but there is every chance he will always be ill. He is going to be the bane of my life too, I need to make sure my life can cope with that. I have found myself a councillor, I have new meditation CDs, I have enrolled to study and become a florist rather than corporate mining work which I was doing, I am taking time to breath and enjoy life, I am going for bushwalks and have started exercising more. As sisters (and mothers) of siblings who are ill the best thing we can do it look after ourselves and be strong.
I am taking my brothers illness as an opportunity to learn more about myself. How to be kind when no kindness is returned, how to have patience, how to be calm and relaxed and still when the person you are with it not, how to love even though I am very angry.
I hope you are all doing things to be extra kind to yourselves and keeping yourselves strong.
Well that’s my two cents worth for today :-)
Good luck everyone! Hang in there. I am sure even though our siblings (and sons) don’t always show it they love us.
Fran
Only this week I started talking to my brothers social worker about he accommodation needs. Currently my mum and dad (who my brother refuses to talk to) are paying for his rent in a shared apartment. It is not at all ideal. His case worker suggested he apply for government housing which he was very opposed to. I’m not sure why, I have stopped asking why most of the time. It is a long process here as I am sure it is everywhere (I’m in Australia). After reading your posts though I think I will just get him to do it anyway (or do it for him). There is such a long long road ahead at least if he has somewhere to live it will help. I do not want to be the person caring for him full time and sadly I am the only one who can be. I think I will do everything I can to keep him in a flat. Thank you for your posts to reinforce my thoughts.
My brother has only been diagnosed for a few months. The medication is helping but it is still hard. I am becoming so much tougher than I ever thought possible! I decided very quickly it sadly is never going to go away or stop. He might get better with time and meds but there is every chance he will always be ill. He is going to be the bane of my life too, I need to make sure my life can cope with that. I have found myself a councillor, I have new meditation CDs, I have enrolled to study and become a florist rather than corporate mining work which I was doing, I am taking time to breath and enjoy life, I am going for bushwalks and have started exercising more. As sisters (and mothers) of siblings who are ill the best thing we can do it look after ourselves and be strong.
I am taking my brothers illness as an opportunity to learn more about myself. How to be kind when no kindness is returned, how to have patience, how to be calm and relaxed and still when the person you are with it not, how to love even though I am very angry.
I hope you are all doing things to be extra kind to yourselves and keeping yourselves strong.
Well that’s my two cents worth for today :-)
Good luck everyone! Hang in there. I am sure even though our siblings (and sons) don’t always show it they love us.
Fran
#8
Shakthi
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Posted 07 February 2012 - 11:26 AM
Dear friend,
My case is almost identical to yours. Except it's my elder brother who is ill.
I have lived through, and experienced this situation you are trying to explain.
Both my parents have passed away since. Yes. My brother is coping up with the illness.
Since our problems are so similar, I would like to leave this advice for you.
(1) Remain detached, and Calm.
ONLY WHEN YOU REMAIN CALM AND UNAFFECTED CAN YOU HELP HIM....
If you are worried and guilt-ridden, you will never be able to understand or help him.
So the first thing to do is TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF.
(2) Be there for him, everyday
MAKE SURE YOU SEE HIM EVERYDAY, WITHOUT FAIL
Take him out sometimes. I understand he is aggressive and angry.
Maybe you should start it straight away, when you Mom is still around.
(3) Locate a Schizophrenia Support Group /Community in your locality and get him involved
This is highly beneficial. He gets to interact with others affected by the illness and
will be able to share his pain.
(4) Interact with his Doctor in his absence regularly
Ask the Doc what you can do for him, keeping in mind your limitations
(5) Assure your Mom that YOU will always be there for your Brother, when she's gone.
( I did that)
(6) Remain happy. Remain in control.
Episodes of severe illness may occur at regular intervals. THis is part of our lives.
Let your sibling know that you are willing to take pains to sooth his troubles.
Bye,
Shakthi, India
My case is almost identical to yours. Except it's my elder brother who is ill.
I have lived through, and experienced this situation you are trying to explain.
Both my parents have passed away since. Yes. My brother is coping up with the illness.
Since our problems are so similar, I would like to leave this advice for you.
(1) Remain detached, and Calm.
ONLY WHEN YOU REMAIN CALM AND UNAFFECTED CAN YOU HELP HIM....
If you are worried and guilt-ridden, you will never be able to understand or help him.
So the first thing to do is TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF.
(2) Be there for him, everyday
MAKE SURE YOU SEE HIM EVERYDAY, WITHOUT FAIL
Take him out sometimes. I understand he is aggressive and angry.
Maybe you should start it straight away, when you Mom is still around.
(3) Locate a Schizophrenia Support Group /Community in your locality and get him involved
This is highly beneficial. He gets to interact with others affected by the illness and
will be able to share his pain.
(4) Interact with his Doctor in his absence regularly
Ask the Doc what you can do for him, keeping in mind your limitations
(5) Assure your Mom that YOU will always be there for your Brother, when she's gone.
( I did that)
(6) Remain happy. Remain in control.
Episodes of severe illness may occur at regular intervals. THis is part of our lives.
Let your sibling know that you are willing to take pains to sooth his troubles.
Bye,
Shakthi, India
#9
Health professional
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Posted 20 February 2012 - 04:41 PM
HI Fran,
It amazes me the power of this blog and how it touches people across the globe. I have been lucky enough to work in Australia and here in the UK.
If your brother has been recently diagnosed with psychosis then i imagine he would join a early Intervention team where you and your family should get access to family support/work, your brother should be offered CBT for psychosis and other therapeutic interventions from soluction focused therapy to mindfulness and that should be for three years. Australia (Melbourne) are the leading nation in developing a declaration/lead in supporting those with psychosis.
Here in England people should be offered the same opportunity as we have early intervention services here too. It wouldn't be fair to comment on people's cases individually but the NICE guidelines for schizophrenia comment that people in services should have access to family work to help explore issues within families and explore what good things families already do and how to build on them.
I suggest you read the Early Intervention link on RETHINK website as we use as a valuable resource.
Good luck.
It amazes me the power of this blog and how it touches people across the globe. I have been lucky enough to work in Australia and here in the UK.
If your brother has been recently diagnosed with psychosis then i imagine he would join a early Intervention team where you and your family should get access to family support/work, your brother should be offered CBT for psychosis and other therapeutic interventions from soluction focused therapy to mindfulness and that should be for three years. Australia (Melbourne) are the leading nation in developing a declaration/lead in supporting those with psychosis.
Here in England people should be offered the same opportunity as we have early intervention services here too. It wouldn't be fair to comment on people's cases individually but the NICE guidelines for schizophrenia comment that people in services should have access to family work to help explore issues within families and explore what good things families already do and how to build on them.
I suggest you read the Early Intervention link on RETHINK website as we use as a valuable resource.
Good luck.
#10
Ladybird
- Newbie
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- Rethink Activist:NO
Posted 23 February 2012 - 07:45 PM
Hi, I just discovered this site today and I'm so glad to find there are other people out there experiencing similar difficulties!
I have a 40 year old brother with bi-polar. He too is the bane of my life!!! He's been ill and relatively stable since his late 20's but was recently sectioned after a manic period.
I find myself becoming increasingly stressed/anxious about his condition/future and feel that my parent's don't do enough to support him. We're relatively close in age so he quite often turns to me rather than my parent's if he's feeling unwell, a pattern that has been there since childhood. He's very vulnerable and although he lots of friends & family who care about him he's very easily manipulated and bullied.
I'm his little sister but often feel like I'm fighting his corner. He doesn't help himself and although he has a lot of insight into his condition he doesn't help himself. He's also an alcoholic & leads a pretty unhealthy lifestyle something which causes me and my parents great frustration. Yes he's ill but his lifestyle does nothing to improve his condition.
His recent hospitalisation was very traumatic for both himself & my family however I've found myself becoming increasingly resentful of him & his condition. He calls me on a regular basis (we live in different cities.......I think, a deliberate distance on my part!) and I really can't face talking to him. I feel like I've run out of compassion/empathy because he does nothing to help himself.
Worries about the future also play on my mind as I know it's me he'll fall back on when my parent's are no longer around and I really don't want the responsibility. This makes me feel incredibly guilty. It also makes me incredibly sad both the loss of the person he once was and the thought that he might never change. I see old unkempt men in the street and can see my brother ending up like one of them.
I also suffer from mild depression/anxiety myself and with his recent decline I've begun to wonder if I will go the same way as him, although our lifestyles couldn't be more different. I eat healthily, have a regular job, do lots of exercise and try to take care of my mental health.
It's good to know there are other's out there experiencing similar feelings of guilt/resentment. However, I would like to ask if any of you worry about developing mental health problems yourself?
Thanks
Ladybird
I have a 40 year old brother with bi-polar. He too is the bane of my life!!! He's been ill and relatively stable since his late 20's but was recently sectioned after a manic period.
I find myself becoming increasingly stressed/anxious about his condition/future and feel that my parent's don't do enough to support him. We're relatively close in age so he quite often turns to me rather than my parent's if he's feeling unwell, a pattern that has been there since childhood. He's very vulnerable and although he lots of friends & family who care about him he's very easily manipulated and bullied.
I'm his little sister but often feel like I'm fighting his corner. He doesn't help himself and although he has a lot of insight into his condition he doesn't help himself. He's also an alcoholic & leads a pretty unhealthy lifestyle something which causes me and my parents great frustration. Yes he's ill but his lifestyle does nothing to improve his condition.
His recent hospitalisation was very traumatic for both himself & my family however I've found myself becoming increasingly resentful of him & his condition. He calls me on a regular basis (we live in different cities.......I think, a deliberate distance on my part!) and I really can't face talking to him. I feel like I've run out of compassion/empathy because he does nothing to help himself.
Worries about the future also play on my mind as I know it's me he'll fall back on when my parent's are no longer around and I really don't want the responsibility. This makes me feel incredibly guilty. It also makes me incredibly sad both the loss of the person he once was and the thought that he might never change. I see old unkempt men in the street and can see my brother ending up like one of them.
I also suffer from mild depression/anxiety myself and with his recent decline I've begun to wonder if I will go the same way as him, although our lifestyles couldn't be more different. I eat healthily, have a regular job, do lots of exercise and try to take care of my mental health.
It's good to know there are other's out there experiencing similar feelings of guilt/resentment. However, I would like to ask if any of you worry about developing mental health problems yourself?
Thanks
Ladybird
#11
tincan
- Advanced Member
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- Group: Members
- Posts: 106
- Joined: 24-February 12
- Rethink Activist:YES
Posted 25 February 2012 - 05:34 PM
IM SCITZOPHRENIC ! just would like tosay i understand were u are coming from i made me families life hell for yrs till i communicated with them and saw it from there eyes ! i didnt realise how destructive i was and i think my sister finds it hard to forgive . i give vredit to my parents they av stood by me and never turned me away watever! that is unconditional love i dont deserve that altho i was ill ! that was on meds by the way i never wanted t go bac to square 1 i hated being out ov control least i had sum on the meds ! u are a hero in many respect like so many out there its not only the suffer who is suffering ! the sufferer is sumtime obliviou s to the distress he creates ! take my hat ov to u understand ur concerns! but id ask u to never give up hope ur bro will one day say enuf is enuf i need help and accept it u cant live life in turmoil out ov control ! the hardest part is being patient and letting life take its course ! id love to talk t ur bro from an experience ov being there done that id love too i dont no if id break thru to him but id giv it a go !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! id hate to think ov ur suffering and urs bros because i no ov the hurt i av caused ! he wudnt want that if he realised !
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