[sarah78]

Hi, I am writing for any advice possible. My brother was taken to a secure hospital yesterday with an acute mental health issue. He smokes cannabis and has done on and off for many years but over the last 6 months he has become withdrawn and violent beyond recognition. It came to a head this weekend as i tried my best to get him to self refer to a hospital / GP, however to avail as police gained entry to his proerty yesterday and was taken to the secure unit. My concern, which I can see is completely selfish, is that he does not want any of his family to know about his condition, diagnosis and treatment. As a nurse I know he has rights for confidentiality but this just just the icing on the cake to all the emotions I am feeling right now. Is this a normal reaction? I obviously love my brother beyond doubt and want to be there for him every step of the way. It would be great to have any information and ideas about how to overcome this barrier and I can get on with being a sister. - sarah

[Lisa]

Hi Sarah
I'm sorry to hear about your brother - you must be feeling all over the place at the moment!

I also have a brother with a dual diagnosis, and it is horrible when they won't let you help but they can't/won't help themselves. I think whatever you're feeling right now is quite normal - I know with my brother I veer between wanting to help/rescue him and wanting to run in the opposite direction. I know he feels the same way - depending on how paranoid he is at the time.

Have you phoned the Rethink advice line? The Mental Health Act is complicated and I would get some advice from someone who knows it if I were you. Rethink also has a factsheet called "Nearest Relative" that might help.

Lisa

[Olivia - Rethink]

sarah78, on 12 April 2011 - 09:40 PM, said:

Hi, I am writing for any advice possible. My brother was taken to a secure hospital yesterday with an acute mental health issue. He smokes cannabis and has done on and off for many years but over the last 6 months he has become withdrawn and violent beyond recognition. It came to a head this weekend as i tried my best to get him to self refer to a hospital / GP, however to avail as police gained entry to his proerty yesterday and was taken to the secure unit. My concern, which I can see is completely selfish, is that he does not want any of his family to know about his condition, diagnosis and treatment. As a nurse I know he has rights for confidentiality but this just just the icing on the cake to all the emotions I am feeling right now. Is this a normal reaction? I obviously love my brother beyond doubt and want to be there for him every step of the way. It would be great to have any information and ideas about how to overcome this barrier and I can get on with being a sister. - sarah

Hi Sarah,

Sorry to hear things are so difficult at the moment. It must be a really hard time for you, especially when you are unable to talk to your brother's family about this.

Confidentiality can raise a number of difficult issues for friends and family, and Rethink's Advice and Information Service are often contacted about this. I would agree with Lisa that it would be useful for you to get in touch with them. You can call them Monday to Friday 10am - 1pm on 0207 840 3188 / 0845 456 0455 or email them at any time on advice@rethink.org.

You may also find the Nearest Relative factsheet and the Confidentiality factsheet for download on the Mental Health Shop and there are a variety of other factsheets relating to the Mental Health Act too. However, as you may already know, being the nearest relative does not give someone automatic rights to information.

You may also find it useful to take a look at this briefing on confidentiality which we helped put together. Page 5 includes a diagram of possible strategies professionals can use when someone withholds permission to share information.

However, as there are often no easy answers concerning confidentiality problems it would be best to ask our advice team about your situation and how you can approach it.

You are really not being selfish in this worry as it is putting you under a lot of pressure and it's absolutely natural for you to feel stressed about this too. I hope you also have somebody you can talk to and of course, let us know how you are getting on. It sounds like he's lucky to have you for a sister.

All the best,

Olivia

p.s. you may also like to take a look at our current section for siblings on our website for more info.

[ethansmum]

Hi, Im glad this forum is here, its helping me as a carer and a woman with anxiety disorder.
My step brother is 40 and now lives alone after my mum was rehoused last month. He visits her daily, if anything it gets him out of his flat but other than that I do not hear from him.

He has had depression since as long as I can remember, he's house bound really and there is concern for hi recovery I feel.

My mum keeps asking me to "nudge" him but Ive expalined he is his own person and if he wants to hide away, who am I to say otherwise.

Ive got to be careful as I have depression and anxiety issues and caring for my son and mum is enough for now!!

I hope I do not sound selfish but all I want to say is "you can only take a horse to water, you cant make it drink"

Ive offered him lots of points of contact as Ive used many places to help my recovery. It is still hard though as he struggled living with my mum with a severe mental health condition and in a way I feel hes now been abandoned and left alone.

So part of me struggles a bit but Ive really tried to reach out to him. Like Im standing back and letting him suffer. I know it sounds silly!

[Olivia - Rethink]

ethansmum, on 01 June 2011 - 07:52 PM, said:

Hi, Im glad this forum is here, its helping me as a carer and a woman with anxiety disorder.
My step brother is 40 and now lives alone after my mum was rehoused last month. He visits her daily, if anything it gets him out of his flat but other than that I do not hear from him.

He has had depression since as long as I can remember, he's house bound really and there is concern for hi recovery I feel.

My mum keeps asking me to "nudge" him but Ive expalined he is his own person and if he wants to hide away, who am I to say otherwise.

Ive got to be careful as I have depression and anxiety issues and caring for my son and mum is enough for now!!

I hope I do not sound selfish but all I want to say is "you can only take a horse to water, you cant make it drink"

Ive offered him lots of points of contact as Ive used many places to help my recovery. It is still hard though as he struggled living with my mum with a severe mental health condition and in a way I feel hes now been abandoned and left alone.

So part of me struggles a bit but Ive really tried to reach out to him. Like Im standing back and letting him suffer. I know it sounds silly!

Hi Ethansmum,

I'm glad that the forum is a help, it's great to have you on here too, you have so much experience and helpful advice.

It sounds like you have really tried to point your brother in the right direction in terms of getting help. It's hard not to feel bad when you can't get through to someone, but try to remember that you have given him the best of your advice and talked with him, and it does sound like you know that you need to look after your own health too.

If you are wondering what you might be able to do next, you could contact our advice team on:
0845 456 0455 / 0207 840 3188 Monday to Friday, 10am - 1pm, or email advice@rethink.org and they will be able to advise you on if there are any other approaches you could take to suggest to your brother he gets some help.

Has he ever been to the GP about how he is feeling in the past?

I hope that you are doing well, and let us know how you're getting on.

Best wishes,

Olivia

[mias]

"My mum keeps asking me to "nudge" him but Ive expalined he is his own person and if he wants to hide away, who am I to say otherwise."



I think when someone is not feeling well, the best thing for them is to be supported so they can feel as 'safe' as possible. I know it would seem the right thing to 'nudge' them into doing things but it can prove too much when even the smallest thing can be so daunting.

It sounds as though you are dealing with quite a lot. They are lucky to have you there for them, just make sure you are OK too. You all need each other.

[mias]

sarah78, on 12 April 2011 - 09:40 PM, said:

Hi, I am writing for any advice possible. My brother was taken to a secure hospital yesterday with an acute mental health issue. He smokes cannabis and has done on and off for many years but over the last 6 months he has become withdrawn and violent beyond recognition. It came to a head this weekend as i tried my best to get him to self refer to a hospital / GP, however to avail as police gained entry to his proerty yesterday and was taken to the secure unit. My concern, which I can see is completely selfish, is that he does not want any of his family to know about his condition, diagnosis and treatment. As a nurse I know he has rights for confidentiality but this just just the icing on the cake to all the emotions I am feeling right now. Is this a normal reaction? I obviously love my brother beyond doubt and want to be there for him every step of the way. It would be great to have any information and ideas about how to overcome this barrier and I can get on with being a sister. - sarah

Hi sarah,

Just reading this through.

As a nurse I know your patients have rights for confidentiality but he is your brother, so if you think you should speak to others close to him I think you are not in the wrong if you do.
They must already know that he is not OK and as a family you can all help each other and support him through this.

Hope you are OK too. How are things now?