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Supporting your sibling

Every family is different, as is each sibling relationship. Whatever the level of support or care you provide for your brother or sister who is affected by mental illness, it is useful to know where you can go for support and the information and organisations that are available to help you.

Image for the commissioner pages of the public websiteYou may already be supporting your sibling in different ways, for instance emotionally, or practically, e.g., by attending meetings with their mental health team or helping them at home.

You might want to find out more about how you can get involved in supporting your sibling. Visit our information and advice section, factsheets, FAQs and videos to find out more.

With your own responsibilities and health to keep in the balance, it can really help to find out more about the support available to you, your sibling and family.

Support for carers

Sometimes people might not be sure if they are a 'carer' or not. When families and friends offer support to someone, they are known as an 'informal carer'.

Many brothers and sisters may see themselves as being a supportive sibling, when they are fulfilling what would be known as a carer, or secondary carer role.

If you are providing support for your sibling, are considering providing more support, or want to understand more about what you and other relatives can do, you can find out more about caring for someone with a mental illness and the support available to carers on the main Rethink Mental Illness website:

You might also want to look for local carer support services. Rethink Mental Illness may have this type of service in your area, which you can check by searching on the Rethink Mental Illness website. There may also be other organisations that provide carer support locally such as Mind, the Princess Royal Trust for Carers or Making Space.

If you provide substantial unpaid care for your sibling now, or you take on a caring role in the future, you are entitled to a Carer's Assessment. This is an assessment of your needs due to your caring role. 

“I worked out that if I was to be a long term carer I would have to know how to look after myself first if I was to do the caring job effectively.”

Emotional support

Service users playing dominoesYou may be supporting your brother or sister emotionally, and at times when they are unwell you may need to provide more emotional support than usual, and you may also be supporting other family members while having emotional needs of your own.

This can sometimes feel overwhelming and you may need support yourself, or need to to take some time to look at how much you are able to provide this while still maintaining your own mental health and emotional wellbeing. This can sometimes lead to feelings of guilt, for instance feeling that you should always be doing more, or feelings of resentment as you find it difficult to find time for yourself and other relationships in your life.

It can help to think about what you are comfortable with. If you are talking every day and this is too much, you could think about how you could change this, for instance by sometimes sending text messages instead of calling, or planning conversation time in advance and setting boundaries for how often this will be.

If you feel that you want to provide more support to your sibling and feel they are not asking for the support you feel ready to give, you could let them know that you are here to listen when they are ready.

As with all sibling relationships, you may support one another more or less at different times, but allow yourself to think about what you are comfortable with and explore your feelings and needs too.

Finding the right balance

brass scalesIt can sometimes be difficult for people to work out the right balance of support they are able, or willing, to give to their family and this is something that can change over time and depending on  circumstances.

Sometimes siblings might find themselves unable to provide the support they feel is expected or needed from them, because they have their own responsibilities, families and emotions to cope with, live far away, or do not have that kind of relationship with their sibling.

At other times, siblings may try to do too much and not realise the limitations of the care they are able to reasonably offer.

It is important to assess and reassess the level of support you can give and help you may need and to remember that you should look after yourself too. If you do not look after your own needs, you could in turn find it hard to support your family and sibling.

It can help to talk to other siblings about their experiences, or you might like to discuss how you are feeling with a close friend or family member.

Siblings factsheets

Download our siblings factsheets for information about:

Or visit the information and advice section for more videos, factsheets and FAQs.