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Feelings of loss and sorrow

When your brother or sister becomes unwell with a serious mental illness, you might feel a sense of loss for your sibling as you knew them, or feel sorrow at the changes that may sometimes happen in your relationships.

image of two people sitting on a bench one of them holding eyeglasses in his hand. When somebody is experiencing a mental illness, it can sometimes be difficult for the people around them to be able to talk to and share things with them in the same way as before, for instance if someone is experiencing delusions or paranoia, or symptoms of social withdrawal.

Our relationships can generally change slowly and over time, but when someone is experiencing mental illness, this change can sometimes happen quite quickly and without warning, or feel more pronounced than usual. Some siblings go through a period of mourning for their brother or sister as they once knew them when their sibling becomes unwell.

Grieving is an essential part of being human, and is the way people let go of how things were or might have been, and move on in their lives and it is ok to allow yourself time to acknowledge these feelings.

It is good to also remember that, as with all relationships, things can change, shift and improve over time.

“With time and talking, I found out there was so much more to my sister than the demons that she wrestled with, and learning this meant I was able to see beyond her problems and really get to know my sister for the person she was.”

Accepting change

Although your relationship with your sibling may change, a different kind of relationship can also form, as can happen with all relationships throughout your life.

Mental illness affects everyone in the family, and whatever shape your brother or sister's recovery takes, mental illness and the journey to a recovery is an important, and often life-changing experience for everyone involved.

Many siblings also report the positives that can come out of their families experience of mental illness, and it can bring some families closer together and bring a new level of openness.

Some siblings find that things recover to a way similar to before, while others find that a different kind of relationship begins to take shape. It can be useful to remember that sibling relationships in any family often change, for instance when siblings move away from home, start families of their own and have more or less time for one another, and that it is natural for your relationship to change over time.