image of hand and paper only, writing a letter

Telling someone about self harm

If you self harm it can often feel that you are the only one acting this way, and that only you can understand why. This often makes the feelings of isolation that lead to self harm worse. However, it is likely that better information about self-harm increases understanding, and might help reduce or prevent it.

How can you tell your family and friends if you have a problem with self harming?

Sharing experiences can play an important part in recovery. Eventually you may decide to explain what has happened.

Here are a few pointers that people have found helpful…

Be sensitive to the other person's feelings:

It can be nearly as hard for someone to hear that someone they care about is self harming as it is to tell them. They may be feeling guilty about what they could or could not have done to help.

Explain that you are telling them because you love them:

Emphasise that you opening up to them is positive and that it is because you love and trust them, not because you are trying to punish or manipulate them.

Pick a place that is private and allow plenty of time:

Pick an appropriate place where you will not be interrupted. The person may need time to take everything in or they may want to ask you questions and talk more.

Two people talking

Don't tell others in anger:

Take things gently, don't blame the person you are talking to for your self harm. This is important even if you think the person you are telling has contributed to the problems that led to your self harm.

Consider having someone else present:

If you have a friend or therapist who understands self harm you might want them to be there also. They might be able to help you tell the person and answer questions.

Provide as much information as you can:

The more someone knows about something, the less they fear it. Many people have misconceptions about self harm. Let them know where they can find out more or who they can contact for support.

Be willing and prepared to answer their questions:

You have to educate them about self harm. You might want to think about the questions they will ask and try to put together your answer. Decide what your boundaries are going to be, what is ok to talk about and what isn't.