How can you help someone who self harms?

Perhaps someone who you care about has told you that they self harm or you have found out some other way. Now that you know, this section provides some basic guidelines how to deal with and possibly help that person.

Educate yourself

Get as much information about self harm as you can. It will help you understand what the person is going through.

Understand your feelings

Be honest with yourself about how this self harm makes you feel. It is ok for you to feel frightened, uncomfortable or provoked.

Be supportive without reinforcing the behaviour

It is important that the person who self harms knows that you will love them whether they self harm or not. Set aside your personal feelings about self injury and focus on what's really going on for the person.

Take care of yourself

You are no good to the person if you are exhausted and emotionally drained. Don’t be afraid to ask for advice and help for yourself.

Some people find support groups helpful. Most support groups should be open and may have experience of self harm even if they are not specifically for this issue. You can also find support on the internet in chat rooms and on bulletin boards where carers of people who self harm meet regularly and are able to exchange information, experiences and coping strategies.

hands together in garden shot

Ultimatums do not work

Ultimatums can often make the behaviour worse by driving it underground, whereas confiscating tools used for self harm can simply encourage the person to find different ways of harming themselves.