What do you tell family and friends?

Trying to deny or hide the nature of the condition and its consequences from those who need to know often seems the safest thing to do at first. As an informal carer, you are in the first stages of learning how to accept and cope with the situation yourself, and may not feel ready to share this disturbing new knowledge. It will be important to overcome this though, as failing to do so may lead to problems later.

Deciding who and what to tell people about a relative's mental illness can be a particularly difficult issue.

A diagnosis of severe mental illness is very worrying for families partly becuase words like Schizophrenia often evoke fear. People with this diagnosis are often portrayed in the media as frightening or threatening, with symptoms which are rarely treatable and whose condition can only be successfully managed by professionals like psychiatrists and social workers.

This view is misleading

Most who have the illness are vulnerable and withdrawn, and more likely to hurt themselves than others. Supportive help form the family and frinds who understand the problems asscoaited with the illness is very effective in promoting recovery.

Family members

Perhaps only the family members in direct contact with your relative need to know in the early, acute stages. They themselves may have been subject to some very disturbing and / or threatening behaviour from their relative, and so they may feel both relieved by gaining an explanation but also horrified by the diagnosis.

Thier fear and distress is real, but can be reduced by providing them early on with:

  • accurate, up-to-date informtion about the illness
  • reassurance about the effectiveness of well managed treatment
  • guidance in ways of being supportive
  • importantly, opportunities for them to talk through thier worries about what has happened

If you are struggling to cope yourself, and are not ready to involve those family members not actively involved in support, you could perhaps delay telling them until the acute phase is over.

People outside the family

People outside the family, who may need to know at an early stage, such present a difficulty at this stage.

Employers
Employers are likely to be unhappy to be told that their employee has a diagnosis like schizophrenia, and this could have disasterous consequences in terms of future employment if handled inappropriately, especially as there is so much ignorance about the variabilityof mental illness and appropriate management of stress and related issues - you might consider be advising them that your relative is suffering form stress in the early stages and given more details later if necessary.

Carers should think about enquiring into sick leave, compassionate and unapid leave, and any other conditions of employment for both themselves and the relative for whom they are caring.

You should seriously consider seeking futher advice before making any decisons regarding the possible termination of your own, or your relative's employment. This is because the rules on claiming benefit if a person leaves work voluntarily can have an effect on the payments allowed for a considerable period.

Friends
 Friends who continue to be supportive may be more comfortable with a description of the illness as a 'breakdown'. Though this may seem dishonest, it may be a necessary first step. Faced with a diagnosis like schizophrenia or manic depression, some people may react with such fear that they abandon your relative, increasing social isolation at a time when consistent support is needed most.

As recovery gets underway, firends can be encouraged to understand that:

  • the person they care about has a diagnosis of schizophrenia or manic depression - not that the person they care about has become a 'schizophrenic' or 'manic depressive'
  • severe mental illness is always treatable
  • people can recover from servere mental illness
  • positive attitudes and constructive support will improve the outlook significantly.

Friends can then be encouraged to explore constructive ways in which they can support your relative.