Carers' Stories

What sort of support does your dad need?

My dad’s condition means that he would happily give all his money away to the first crook to knock on the front door. He still thinks Margaret Thatcher is the prime minister and would regularly miss family birthdays if it wasn’t for me. I keep him organised and looked after. I persuade him to get up at 9.00am and make sure he has a shower and a shave. I get his breakfast ready and make sure he eats something. I encourage him to switch off the TV  and get out of the house, to go down the road and collect his pension or to do a little shopping.

What do you find are the main challenges?

I feel like no-one appreciates all my efforts, except for dad of course. Dad and God.

What do you find the most rewarding aspect of caring?

It is a privilege to care for my dad and I thank him for training me to think like a detective, which is his former career. I have managed to get myself out of a few hair-raising situations thanks to my dad’s tips!

 What sort of care do you provide for your son?

He lives in his own flat so my caring is mostly done at a distance. He rings me five or six times a day, sometimes because he is panicking, sometimes to report a small incident, sometimes for reassurance, and often because he just wants to hear my voice. I usually visit once a week and we spend about one in three weekends together. I go with him (at his request) to see his psychiatrist and sometimes to meet his CPN. I sort out any crises to do with the flat or with his medication. I remind him to have a bath and to do his washing. He pays for a personal assistant to visit twice a week and she helps us both by chatting to him and helping with housework.

What are the main challenges?

Coping with the sadness of knowing that his life is very far from what it should be, and that he has none of the usual adult satisfactions - partner, child, career, hobbies, friends - and spends much of his time in sadness, confusion and fear. There is also the anxiety of anticipating, and dealing with, crises. There is also a challenge to do with never knowing whether one is doing too much or too little, and therefore feeling guilty whatever one does. And finally, coping with the knowledge that matters will get worse as one gets older and eventually no longer be there to provide support.

What sort of care do you provide?

We invite our daughter home most weekends. I take her to a swimming club once a week and take her to many hospital appointments, although she manages to get to local clinics on her own. I am usually invited to stay overnight once a month and tend her small garden with her. I see myself as a coordinator for the teams of people who provide services for our daughter.

What is the hardest thing about being a carer?

Keeping up to date with the changes in social and health care plus finding the energy to do this and enjoy being 74.

What are the rewards?

A bunch of flowers, a lovely smile and a thank you.