Reed Boats

This is my first blog, though I have been writing down stuff for several years. I am 26 year-old happily married man, with a diagnosis of depression, along with epilepsy and a chronic pain condition. For the past year I have been a support worker in the South West, and have taken part in Time to Change campaign.

Ice skating uphill was a fantastic metaphor for my life for a number of years. Every time I tried to get up that hill, I would fall and slide back to the bottom. But I was adamant that I was not going to sit at the bottom of that hill forever. So what method would help me get back on top? 

This is not how I thought about it at the time, but in hindsight this is how it worked… I changed my method of travel. 

I was making reed boats at a mental health recovery event. Reed boats are a wonderful little activity and I won’t do it justice today, but look it up. The aim was to build a boat out of reeds, and then fill it with something that meant things to you, and then you would float it away into the new seasons. My plan was ambitious, a big complex boat. But however much a tried I was unable to achieve my plans for a large fine vessel - so I made do with what I could, making a perfectly functional boat. 

I placed a single flower in it (representing my wife). That boat represented my life; sometimes over-ambitious, but when things don’t go to plan, I make something that will function perfectly well.  

Years ago when I was studying my A-levels, going through what is an extremely stressful time to anyone, I had my first seizure in the middle of a nice chemistry lesson. So started a year or so of tests, drugs, and a massive seizure that caused long-term damage. The damage did not change my life, but the label did. Epilepsy was diagnosed, meaning I was not able to join the Ambulance service - a family tradition was destroyed by a diagnosis and a broad label. 

Then I went to Uni to study Chemistry, not really knowing which direction to go in, still having seizures, making friendships harder. And then, between my course being cancelled and a 5-year relationship ending, I had a breakdown – then, finally getting a diagnosis and some help. (I refused to take tablets at that point.) 

I got better with help from a lady that would become my wife, and after completing one degree I entered a Nursing degree, in a hope of going the medical route without ambulances. However, due to severe back pain, I was eventually kicked off the course and started through more tests, referrals to consultants and accusations of ‘faking it’. A second breakdown, another carer in ruins.

However I rebuilt the boat and started sailing again. I got myself a job with the help of Workways (An NHS funded mental health job agency) and said ‘bugger off’ to the consultants!

I am currently floating on this version of the boat, it has had some minor repairs after a few winter storms - and occasionally it gets upgrades. Upgrades are the positives of life, in my case eventually taking anti-depressants, getting a consultant to admit the pain was real (not that they can treat it) and working. 

I am a bit low in the water at the moment, and need some repairs – but we shall see what the next few weeks bring…