Am I ready for work?

In my experience I found that, luckily, DLA was easy to get as the early intervention team who oversee my care sorted out the application. Once DLA is in payment no further action is required for, usually, a set period of 3 or 5 years.

ESA is quite different as, like its sister benefit Job Seekers Allowance (JSA), the receiver has to supply evidence to the DWP whilst they are in the assessment phase of the benefit. Though unlike JSA, in which the claimant supplies evidence that they are able to actively seek work and signs on at the local job centre, someone claiming ESA is asked to supply a claimant fit note, usually from a GP. If the claimant is found to be not fit for work they are placed into either the Work Related Activity Group (WRAG) or the Support Group and they no longer need to supply evidence.

This is not the end of the story for claimants placed in the Work Related Activity Group. Once in the WRAG, claimants have to attend “pathways to work” interviews and complete a Work Capability Assessment (WCA) to determine their aptitude for returning to the workplace. In regards to myself, I have completed a pathways to work interview but am still waiting on my WCA. When I first received my letter telling me to attend the interview it got me thinking “am I able to work?”

My last experience of the workplace became rather unpleasant towards the end when my symptoms became more severe. I disappeared from work one day when I could no longer cope, never giving any notice as I was so afraid of stigma. As you can probably guess I'm not holding my breath for a decent reference. I also now have a year-long gap in my CV. So what to do?

Prior to falling ill I was also involved in two volunteer projects in addition to my paid job. I liked to keep busy. So much so that when I became unwell the thing that hurt the most was the inability to do any activity. I could no longer cope. After my first hospital stay I spent long days indoors, mostly sleeping. As the illness robbed me of my concentration, I could not entertain myself through books or television. I could hear voices through the radio. When people suggested that I should leave my room and attempt some activity I treated them with utmost suspicion. I was delusional and felt that people could access my thoughts.

Luckily the medication that had been prescribed worked for me and kicked in around this time. I heard fewer voices and I began to be able to leave the house and do simple things like visit the gym or go to the shops, things which seemed impossible before. It was not long before my confidence grew enough for me to phase back in some volunteer work. I got involved in an asylum seeker drop-in for women. After a few sessions there my self-esteem grew, so much so that I got back in touch with one of the volunteer projects I had worked at beforehand. I was nervous about stigma, but thankfully I was invited back in warmly.

Unfortunately it was around this time I got it into my head that there was nothing wrong with me and that the medical team I was with were using me to test out anti-psychotic drugs. I stopped taking my medication, relapsed and ended up back in hospital. I was kept in for a longer period this time and was prescribed a drug that caused me to gain a lot of weight. This and the hospital stay shattered all the confidence that I had gained volunteering.

When I was eventually discharged it took me a while to readjust back to my normal life. I did try to go back to volunteering again but found it more of a struggle this time as my symptoms seemed more stubborn. I decided to take some time out and focused on activities that required minimal social interaction such as going to the gym. The exercise helped with my mood and also with weight loss and I began to feel more confident again.

I settled back into a routine of volunteering and trying to regain some of my social life but this time I found that if I pushed myself by committing to more hours it encouraged more psychotic symptoms and made me paranoid of those around me. I now work along with my nurse to a personal plan that encourages me to undertake an agreed amount of meaningful activity a week without exhausting me mentally.

This was discussed at the pathways to work interview. The person that I saw there was thankfully quite understanding despite admitting he knew little of mental health issues. Hopefully I will be able to do more work soon but right now a few hours of volunteering a week suits me nicely. I am afraid to attempt much more at present because my health is paramount. Could I go back to a 37.5 hour week? Only time will tell. Perhaps there is an employer out there who will understand my difficulties and my need for time off for appointments. Failing that, like many other service users out there, a return to the world of work sadly seems a long way off.