Keep calm and carry on...

22 June 2011 | 04:00 PM
Lynne
Topics: Someone who has experienced mental illness, Carers, Work and money

Well the form is in the post and now we wait for the verdict. Being scrutinised and judged by an unseen power that you have no control over. That has a horribly familiar feel to it but this is reality. How bitterly ironic and I can’t think of anything more cruel to do to a person with severe mental illness than to put them through a process that is akin to the feelings of psychosis. 

What a fragile thing self-esteem is, and I think it struck me how much a benefits form is like a CV in reverse – instead of your achievements you document the struggle of daily life, the things that make it impossible to function, and it can leave you profoundly depressed and scared

How do you compress years of suffering into coherent sentences and do it justice knowing so much hinges on the outcome?

My partner, at least, is coherent now. He says he feels like he’s been hit by a truck and I can sympathise!

I’m trying to lighten up the mood here and travel hopefully so we put on some music yesterday and had a good talk. I try my best to reassure him and re-instate what little self confidence it has, but it’s not easy when he’s being ground down not only by his voices, but also by what’s happening at the moment.

There is a poster which says “Keep calm and carry on” and I look at it every morning. I found the companion to it last week which says “now panic and freak out”: it made me laugh at the time, but not today because it’s about right.

A friend I had once said to me about mental illness “it’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon” and I think those are wise words indeed.”

Comments

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1. At 09:20 PM on 27 August 2011 caroline wrote:

I am so relieved!

Lynne & Mandy, how brave are you? How eloquent are you? And most importantly for me, how inspirational? If I hadn't checked your comments, although doesn't ease my depression, at least I don't feel so alone?! I too HAD TO fill out the form, took me weeks to complete (posted it with 2 days to spare). Every time I even looked at it I just went through so many emotions from frustration, anger, sadness that 'this is what my life has become", so many more.... I'm sure I don't have to tell you. I've had the phone call & letter 'inviting' me to a 'face to face' interview? Can't tell you how many times I ignored the phone before eventually answering! If these people had ANY idea what we go through just trying to get through a day? For me the panic of going out, the panic of finding 'ummph' to even get ready? Having a head telling me 24/7 such madness? They have NO idea! If they did we wouldn't be asked to go through (for me) the fear, trepidation, panic, etc this 'process' makes even worse. Surely?? I could go on but like my illness, It'd probably never end: ) Thank you for helping me to at least learn from you. Thank you for allowing me to rant/ramble? At least it's closer to end of day. Take care x
2. At 10:00 AM on 20 July 2011 mandy wrote:

i agree

i too know how difficult it is filling in the forms, i am very secretive about my bipolar and to have to put everything down in writing to be seen by god knows who, knocked me right back...i had to do it , i know that without some sort of income it would just put more stress on my husband....im suprised they havent returned it to be honest, i filled it in with anger, fear, and tears.... i hope it all goes well for you....x

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