The benefits of being honest – but at what cost?

24 May 2011 | 05:19 PM
Louisa
Topics: Someone who has experienced mental illness, Stigma and discrimination

The Time to Change campaign has been really inspiring in its recent drive to get people to 'be frank'  about their mental health. But, as Alastair Campbell points out in his post for Rethink, there are many people who can't be fully open, who still feel they have to lie about their condition to get or keep a job, for example.

I exist in this strange space, where in half of my life I am open about my mental health (or ill health), and in the other half I am not. I use a pseudonym for this blog because my past ill health had an impact on my performance at work. I am always selective about who I confide in. Recently, I have started to feel sidelined by a few events:

I was shocked to be turned down outright for life insurance. I am still waiting for the DVLA to allow me my licence back, despite being well for a good few months now. And – this is pure speculation – I was not even short listed for a job that I felt I was quite well qualified for. I started to worry that someone I knew had talked to the MD of the company I applied to, or that even some of my posts on facebook or twitter could have made them suspect I had suffered from mental ill health. (I regularly post or share news that deal with or impacts on people with mental illness).

This is probably just one of those weeks, when you feel things are stacked up against you, and it almost seems there is some meaning in the wave of negative events that hits you. I keep reminding myself how lucky I am to be well at the moment, able to enjoy my life and my role at work and at home as a wife and mum. So many people out there are ill right now and suffering, and these seem small concerns in comparison. But I also really wish I could just be open, be 'me', with all the light and shade that encompasses, and not feel I have to watch my step and even regret my honesty.

Comments

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1. At 01:21 PM on 04 June 2011 shane wrote:

honesty and self

i've also undrgone the "im not sick" phase of thinking. i strugled from job to job and relationship after relationship not understanding why i was failing. i had gone through many "on again, off again" bursts with my medication, and hospitalized many times before i really looked at my diagnosis and said, "i have a disease, i cant control it." while i was in denial, i told myself, "no, i cant quit, i will not fail." while i was failing all the while. after a heartfelt promise to stay on my medication, and a scrape with the law, i had to face my own disbelief, and then i was ready to start a healing journey. while in hospital, i embraced the groups, and kept appointments with councilors and doctors and really put my efforts not against my illness, but towards recovery and acceptance, a type of ownership. so now, i have support systems, realistic goals of "expectations", and financial support to ensure a relapse doesnt see me in the streets. i've gained an ownership over the symptoms, and the help i can now admit to needing is made real in my life. small sucesses make for better days.
2. At 02:32 PM on 03 June 2011 helen wrote:

the benefits of being honest

I couldn't agree with you more. I have two people in my life where I can be me. I choose not to share who I am with others because I suspect they will not understand. I dont believe I have a mental illness, however am undergoing counselling and waiting for a referral to secondary care. I'm not sure whether the psychiatrist I see will understand. I believe I have become self aware, i understand how other peoples behaviours impact on me and understand why I react the way I do. This is my main cause of anxiety. I want to change the way I react, I want to use my anger productively, but when you have been programmed by society to respond in a particular way it is very difficult to break this habit. In essence I want to be me and dont want to feel scared of being me. It sounds like you want a similar thing, good luck.

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