Delusions are funny things

28 May 2008 | 03:37 PM

Ebony

Topics: Someone who has experienced mental illness, Medication and therapies, Recovery

Delusions are funny things, they can last for years even when you are on anti-psychotics they continue. I had a religious delusion for about ten years.

It started when I had my second episode in 96, I was listening to music but because I was ill I was switching station a lot on the radio. Then I realised that the music titles were a hidden message especially for me. Crazy isn't it? These titles ranged from 'Keep the Faith' by Bon Jovi 'One night in Heaven' by M People to 'God Gave Rock and Roll to You' by Kiss. There was a list of 6 songs that went to make up a message. I was so convinced that God had chosen me to see this special message that I wrote to the Archbishop of Liverpool to ask if the Church would consider using contemporary music in their Services especially in the year of Culture as I thought that this would encourage young people to go to church.

But my mission didn't stop there. I wrote to Bob Geldof and Bono telling them of my message and asking if the would arrange a concert for god. I genuinely couldn't see that this wasn't a message from god but a delusion. Every time I got ill the delusion got bigger I even wrote to the Pope just before he died.

All the time I was compliant with my medication and recovering from schizophrenia but the delusion stayed with me.

Then I was sectioned again after being switched to Abilify and Seroquel the delusion became worse with hallucinations and voices as well. It was a very traumatic time for me. Then something in my perception changed, I was put back on the older Halidol drug and the messages seemed silly, I turned to the church for understanding and the delusion became my personal quest for faith. I converted to Catholicism and was confirmed. But nowadays I'm not so sure of my faith I question the things I've seen as to whether they are real or simply a trick of the mind. Most of all I'm no longer special and I have a sense of loss.

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Delusions

Hi Ebony, How are you today? When I first became il from psychosis. I was having delusions, they where both visual and audio. It was abit of a frightning experence as I was not sure if I was imagining it or if it was a bad dream. When I was admitted to hospital I meet lots of people who had to same delusions as me .not the same voices etc but was going through the same experince. It was good to know. My Nurse in the hospital gave me a book on delusions to tryand educate me of what they are. I thought that they was scary and harmful. in this book it said that they can hurt you in anyway. When my family came to see me I asked if they could hear or see the delusions. Of course their answer was no, but I thought that they was lying to me. I stil do have the delusions but thay have lessened due to medicaion.

2. At 11:25 PM on 19 August 2008 Vicky wrote:

Religious delusions

Hello Ebony, One of my close friends is experiencing religious delusions at the moment. She began to suffer from psychotic depression, anxiety, and OCD when she was nineteen. She's twenty now. She finds the religious delusions the most upsetting part of her illness to deal with, because she's always been a practising Catholic and her faith is very important to her. Now she finds going to church a painful experience - she is convinced that the priest is reading her mind and broadcasting her thoughts during his sermon, for example. There are times when she realises that this isn't true, but those times are quite rare at the moment. She panics very easily and sometimes believes that God is asking her to do some extremely strange and dangerous things. She would like to find a way to keep the illness from encroaching on her prayer life. From your experience, is there anything that she or I could do to make church a pleasanter place for her to be, and to keep the psychosis from taking hold of her spirituality?

3. At 03:59 PM on 15 August 2008 Deirdre Woodcock wrote:

Faulty memory?

Are delusions & hallucinations the result of misfiling in memory--perhaps due to brain trauma in childhood? This is when the brain is still developing. Perhaps the wrong pieces have welded together?

4. At 06:12 PM on 09 June 2008 Aine wrote:

delusions (Ebony's blog)

Your way of thinking (which you call delusions) served a purpose because they made you feel special at a time when I reckon you had been feeling anything BUT special. You were cheering yourself up. Does that make you regard your thought processes at the time as having meaning? I hope you have worked out by now a comfortable philosophy that gives your life meaning - whether through organized religion or otherwise.