Mary's story

I trained as a nurse, worked as a mental health nurse in the 1960s and am now a senior lecturer at Christchurch College, where I teach clinical effectiveness to mental health nurses.

My son has schizophrenia and lives in a community home near to us.

He first became ill when he was 19. I was 48. It is only in past two years that he has come out of the fog.

He spent about nine years as a revolving door patient. His loving and caring nature has only recently returned. I put this down to the period after he started taking clozapine, a medicine used when most others have been tried.

Although he is now well, he has had several heart attacks while taking clozapine. All people who take the medication are monitored while they are taking it.

He now feels happy - and that's the first time I've heard him say that since he was a teenager.

He has started going to church regularly since his occupational therapist took him to a Lent group.

I hope that he has been through the worst. He has been treated in every type of ward and tried all kinds of medication.

As a result of the illness, I've had to deal with the feelings of loss and bereavement and denial.

I was grieving though he's still alive - and I howled like a wolf the day I realised he would never fully recover. We didn't imagine that he would have any kind of life.

Some professionals - including some of the nurses I teach - assumed that I knew what was wrong with him; after all, he had been getting ill for a year before he was admitted to hospital.

He had a very fragile brain, a difficult birth and was slow to talk. I know now these may have been contributing factors to his illness.

One of the best things we did was to join the National Schizophrenia Fellowship - as Rethink was then called. I now have two filing cabinets full of information!

Too often, the clinical approach lacks compassion and doesn't recognise that for some people with schizophrenia, religion is an important way of expression their spirituality.

From an educational point of view, more mental health nurses are needed nationally, but the Department of Health has not made any particular plan.

The carer's role can be quite powerful - several of my colleagues have written articles about mental health based on my experiences and perspectives.

One of my son's school friends has stayed in touch - it's important to recognise how powerful one good friend can be.

The media doesn't address the social, physical and mental aspects of people with schizophrenia.

Siblings of people with schizophrenia are often neglected. My other son, who is an actor, has only recently come to terms with his own anger.

Recently, I've learnt to let go, and while I have always believed in God, my faith has been strengthened recently and I'm thinking of starting to attend church again.

My son been a wonderful teacher. In some ways, I think of him as a soulmate. Nobody should ever give up hope - it's given me the courage to fight on.