Often the person won't know what is happening to them, and that is very scary, especially when it affects the brain, and you can't see what is happening, and there looks to be no injury.
My family and friends and especially my wife held it together for me, and their support and love helped me get through the illness quicker, which surprised the doctors.
It means a lot for my wife to still be with me, she really went through more hell than I did. For me I was in hell, not knowing I was there. She was in hell, as she saw it, and didn't know what to do about it. It really is strange to think how I was then, and how I am now.
I am a very ambitious kind of guy and think nothing is impossible. I have great imagination and am always positive. My experience wasn't one of depression, but of pure elation. I had some strange moments, and didn't know who I was, from Richard the Lionheart, all the way through to the son of God.
I resigned from a company where the people weren’t being nice, and being a sensitive person, the office politics were very tiring. I found a new job, and had to go to America for training. Just before I came back, I suddenly had a trip, as though I was on drugs, but it was pure oxygen. The world suddenly seemed a different place altogether.
A mixture of things caused my experience. It was an intense week of training with hardly any sleep, the brain working hard, being away from home and my wife, and having jetlag. The whole build-up of everything that has ever happened to me, suddenly blew up.
I managed to get back on the flight and get home, but my wife knew something was wrong, and I ended up in a mental hospital until I came down. I wasn't dangerous, just very confident, and lost in my thoughts and confused. After two months, as I was getting better, I realised it was a very scary place to be, and not somewhere I wanted to be forever.
I tried to escape, and managed to get into a taxi once! I just wanted to get home to my wife and I couldn't understand why they wouldn't let me. No-one told me anything, as I think people don't know what to say. It helped me, when a good family friend told me that I was being stupid, and the longer I went on like this, the longer I would stay in here. Somewhere I believe a light turned on, which then turned other lights on, and the healing started.
After two months in hospital and one with home treatment, I went back to my work, as they held it open for me. All the staff who helped me were fantastic, particularly the home treatment team.
I have learnt that it is all about looking after your stress levels, and looking after your health, as this feeds the brain. I have been holding down a very difficult job for a long time now. When I started last year, I thought I wouldn't be able to do it, but like any injury, it takes time to train back into shape. I am still careful now and still taking my medicine, but I am so lucky to be able to have a second chance, and really life is too short.
Look after yourself, and do what you want to do, and don't worry, you can pull through. I never realised it was so common to have some form of mental illness, so there are many of us who can work together on this. I met so many people suffering from depression, and genuinely saw a change in them, when they saw hope. I think love does have a lot to do with things, and the meaning of belonging is essential.
