Eva’s Story
As a child I was very ill, they didn’t think I would pull through, things happened at a very young age. School wasn’t very good as I was a very timid child. Years ago teachers didn’t understand about children’s fears or anxiety. I learned enough to get through but was very glad it was over at fourteen.
I started work in a Mill, I didn’t go out anywhere or kept in touch with any one. I was feeling down. However, at sixteen the down feeling lifted and I started going out to dances and places, I felt good.
I fell in with my future husband, got engaged, and didn’t feel very excited - more scared in fact. That dreaded feeling came back and my thoughts running riot. So one of my sisters took me to stay with her and I felt safe for a while. Then the dread came back and I felt terrible. So my brother-in-law talked to me and said instead of crying – sing and keep singing so I could get on top of it all. I did as I was told and to my joy it worked!
I got married, had a daughter, and went back to work. When the feeling was there again I sang. As I worked in a spinning mill no one could hear me. Again it worked and I was so pleased to feel myself again. I worked for years but then this awful feeling started again and I knew all the singing in the world wouldn’t help and the word ‘depression’ put terror in my heart.
I couldn’t eat or sleep and I lost all my hair. I got so down I thought there was only one way out. So I took all my tablets. I ended up in hospital, scared stiff again, depression is a very lonely illness and you are scared all the time you have it. When I was in hospital I had therapy which was the saving of my life. Got home and started work again. Worked a long time till I felt myself very up tight and scared again, took another overdose and landed back in hospital, where for I stayed for the next year or so. I had ECT which helped and then I got home.
This lasted for about five years and the fear was there. I was very angry with God, who people told me was so good and to pray to. I remember starting to think, “Where is all this fear & anger coming from?”
I wrote to Claire Rainer and she gave me advice to either ring Samaritans or go to Rethink to talk. I did all that and I felt better. It was hard but I stuck to it. Talking therapy worked for me. I listened and I learned. I understood my own feelings more and even found the courage to talk about them with others. I go to meetings as I am very interested all about mental illness. I gain support and strength from others like me who live with depression.
I started work in a Mill, I didn’t go out anywhere or kept in touch with any one. I was feeling down. However, at sixteen the down feeling lifted and I started going out to dances and places, I felt good.
I fell in with my future husband, got engaged, and didn’t feel very excited - more scared in fact. That dreaded feeling came back and my thoughts running riot. So one of my sisters took me to stay with her and I felt safe for a while. Then the dread came back and I felt terrible. So my brother-in-law talked to me and said instead of crying – sing and keep singing so I could get on top of it all. I did as I was told and to my joy it worked!
I got married, had a daughter, and went back to work. When the feeling was there again I sang. As I worked in a spinning mill no one could hear me. Again it worked and I was so pleased to feel myself again. I worked for years but then this awful feeling started again and I knew all the singing in the world wouldn’t help and the word ‘depression’ put terror in my heart.
I couldn’t eat or sleep and I lost all my hair. I got so down I thought there was only one way out. So I took all my tablets. I ended up in hospital, scared stiff again, depression is a very lonely illness and you are scared all the time you have it. When I was in hospital I had therapy which was the saving of my life. Got home and started work again. Worked a long time till I felt myself very up tight and scared again, took another overdose and landed back in hospital, where for I stayed for the next year or so. I had ECT which helped and then I got home.
This lasted for about five years and the fear was there. I was very angry with God, who people told me was so good and to pray to. I remember starting to think, “Where is all this fear & anger coming from?”
I wrote to Claire Rainer and she gave me advice to either ring Samaritans or go to Rethink to talk. I did all that and I felt better. It was hard but I stuck to it. Talking therapy worked for me. I listened and I learned. I understood my own feelings more and even found the courage to talk about them with others. I go to meetings as I am very interested all about mental illness. I gain support and strength from others like me who live with depression.
