Nothing can prepare you for the first time you visit your brother or sister in a mental hospital.

18 December 2007 | 12:43 PM

I went for the first time this year when my brother was admitted while he switched his medication. Apparently because of the possible side effects of the new drug, they had to keep him under observation for two weeks. And they felt the best way do to this was in hospital.

I hadn’t been to a secure ward before because when he first got ill I was living abroad.

Since being back in the UK, though, I had been with him when he was psychotic during his relapses. I’d had those awful conversations about how he was working for the CIA, about satanic black masses and how he’d met God and knew the truth that I (having in his words, a mundane view of reality) couldn’t. His girlfriend and I had sat for hours trying to persuade him that we weren’t under attack, that he hadn’t just been shot at and begging him to go to the doctors.

And over the years, I feel like I’ve learned how to deal with it and what to say and that not much could faze me anymore. I’m not saying that it’s not incredibly upsetting, worrying and a constant source of concern when he relapses, of course it is…

…but somehow it’s just become if not normal, just known.

So when he asked me to go with him when he was admitted, of course I said yes and didn’t really think too much about it other than I hoped he was going to be okay and I knew it was going to be hard for him. Especially as he was on the right side of rational and I didn’t know how he would feel to be back in the same place he’d been treated so many years before.

The ward itself was a triage ward – so it was the first place that everyone got admitted to when they were sectioned, which meant that there was a huge spectrum of diagnosis from the severe to the incredibly severe.

To start with, I found it unexpectedly terrifying and I didn’t really know how to handle some of the people in there who were so desperately ill. My mind said they were people, but my instinct was to bolt. My brother and I would sit in the smoking room while he chain smoked along with everyone else and I’d feel incredibly tense and just dying to get him out of there.

After a while though, strangely I got used to it.

It went from terrifying to known and somehow that helped. Gradually when I went to see him I started chatting to some of the people my brother had met and it was fine. I noticed how they took care of each other and how well they dealt with the other, more ill, patients. Yes, they were pretty much completely mad, but as I got to know them a bit better, I began to feel a bit more comfortable.

It helped of course that my brother was still rational – it would have been a hundred times harder if he’d been really ill. I still wanted to bust him out of there every time I went, and hated leaving him behind there but at least I knew that someone – whether family or friends was visiting him every day.

Last week I was having a chat about this blog with my little sister and she reminded me about the hospital stay and she reminded me about the most heart-breaking thing of all - that most of the patients had no visitors.

I can understand why.

It can be scary and it’s really hard. I can’t imagine what it would have been like the first time my brother was admitted, when we all knew absolutely nothing about psychosis or schizophrenia and it was like a bomb exploding in the middle of the family. And to be honest, even now I know what it’s really like I hope I never see a secure hospital ward again.

But if it does happen, well so be it - and at least I’ll know not to be scared.

Comments

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Hospitals

Have just found this site and am so glad. Will have to come back when I have time and a cup of tea. As a sister there are a whole lot of emotions I experience that, well, hopefully now they can have an outlet! I remember the first time I went to see my brother in hospital too. He had been unwell for a while. It was like a dream when I got the phone call at work to say he had been sectioned. My dad had taken him to the hospital because he had been catatonic for days. He tells me the doctor only managed to get one or two words from him in an hours interview. I consider myself an open minded person but the first time I went to the ward I was terrified. It's horrible to say but it seemed full of stereotypical insane people, and it freaked me out. My first instinct was my brother doesn't belong here, this is for mad people. I tried to hold it together but the emotion was too much when I saw my brother and the tears just fell down my face. He just looked at me and said why are you crying? That was 4 years ago now, I've learnt a lot...especially to appreciate every little inch of progress, and dealing with crises get easier. As you say, not so scary

2. At 07:13 PM on 09 March 2008 Anne wrote:

My sister is an alcoholic

For thirty years plus, I and my parents have struggled to understand my sister's life and behaviour. At times she has functioned fantastically, coping with challenging jobs; over the years she has gone downhill, but we have never known exactly what it is she suffers from. She has had a drink problem for many years; she says she has now had a diagnosis of schizophrenia by her psychiatrist. Her life appears to be in ruins, no job, precarious accommodation. She has professional support: alcohol counsellor, psychiatrist etc. When she has terrible periods, I have tried to get her into hospital. How do you get better treatment for the ones you love? How do you get them into hospital? Each time I am told, but she has to stop drinking. Have I done enough? Have I ever done enough? What else can I do? We have provided money for her to get back on her feet but it is never enough. I try to 'cherish' her though it is very difficult as we live hundreds of miles apart. I am at my wits' end ...

3. At 12:53 PM on 22 February 2008 Alix wrote:

Visiting.

I have always felt it unfair that low income families are allowed travel expenses to people in prison, but not to people who may be in hospital for some length of time. In the acute hospitals the patients are only there for a short time, but if the patient is chronically sick it is beneficial for them to maintain contact with family, except in special circumstances whch should be recorded in their notes. e.g. a patient's objection to family visits.

4. At 12:01 AM on 13 January 2008 baz wrote:

first time

Have just found this site. My sister has developed complex paranoid thoughts of threat and violence. She has had a long history of drug abuse so this has maybe been a long time comming, yet still it has come as a shock. She has a teenage daughter who also smokes a lot of weed, obviously there is concern for her welfare. i am so worried about them but live far away, though will see her soon. glad to have found the site.

5. At 04:32 PM on 04 January 2008 orla roberts wrote:

Mental Hospitals

Yes, you certainly touched a nerve and many memories. I have visited secure units and prisons for one brother for the last 34 years. I'm glad to say that I feel perfectly at ease in any situation as a result of these experiences. You made a couple of very insightful observations. Patients on these wards are incredibly supportive of each other, making allowances in a way that you couldn't imagine happening outside locked wards or in society. Tolerance of, sometimes, extraordinary behaviour and a lack of curiousity in each other's 'history' is in stark contrast, and possibly poor preparation, for their release. Another poignant point made was the lack of visitors for the majority of the long term patients: it's true, they must wither inside.

6. At 05:17 PM on 31 December 2007 Sandra Banawich wrote:

Employment

Mary if your brother is declaring his illness and getting turned down each rejection will affect his mental health. If this goes on for a while ie months or years he will get very ill.Your brother needs extra help and support when applying for employment its not easy for healthy people being rejected constantly but for someone who has a severe and enduring illness this could send him back to hospital. I hope you are realistic enough to be there for your brother when this happens. Its not easy for those of us who suffer from schizophrenia to take rejection and discrimination is moribund in the workplace. Even Charity groups and voluntary agencies can refuse to give paid employment to people they see as clients. Menial volunteering is all that is offered these days