Money Madness

Paul is still in hospital I am afraid, still on the section.  Some things are a bit better.  He only absconded once in the last month and he does now have some protected talking time with staff.  He is now allowed some escorted leave.  He doesn’t seem to be getting as much access to cannabis and alcohol but in the last few weeks he hasn’t had any money as you will hear.  It’s now been 11 weeks since he was sectioned.  His moods are still rapidly changeable, but mostly he is still really elated and most of what he talks about is related to his delusions and just is not related to things that are really happening.  I keep in touch with Paul by phone (though sometimes I have to force myself to call, I just hope the calls let him know that it does not matter what he says to me or what he does I will always be there for him). I visit him and attend his reviews every 2-3 weeks (I live quite a long way away so I have to get time off from work and travel up etc or I would go more).  Someone in the family visits him nearly every day and mom goes to all the weekly reviews.  I also send an email every week to his care team just so they have our views/perspective in writing.

There are still a number of things that worry me (e.g. when will he start to get better, is he really taking his medication, will they take him back at his supported house, why can’t the staff organise themselves so that they are all up-to-date with what happens and what is decided in his review etc. etc) but one of the major problems seems to be Paul’s finances. 

Since Paul started to get unwell, just after Christmas, one of the behaviours that has been a major cause for concern for us all has been around money.  This issues I describe aren’t new but for some reason this episode they seem worse. One reason seems to be because his credit rating seems to be better than it was. 

Paul has had issues in the past that meant it was difficult for him to get credit but about two years ago while Paul was having another episode he successfully applied for a credit card, it has extortionate rates.  He spent quite a bit on the card but luckily the episode was managed really quickly and outside of hospital.  His medication was reviewed and the episode never really got too bad.  After this Paul managed to pay the minimum payment for a while, paid some off with a crisis loan and then Paul asked me to help him with it.  He sent the card to me for safekeeping (so he could use it just in emergencies) and I set up a direct debit to continue paying the minimum amount.  At the time Paul was worried about the debt and this seemed the best thing to do but I think this has improved his credit rating.

This time when he got unwell his finances have been a nightmare. In the month running up to his admission, he applied and was approved for various loans, credit cards and store cards.  However he was sectioned before he got hold of any of them.  I now have all the mail relating to this.

For the first month of his admission we tried to help him manage his money, he wasn’t happy with this but agreed that we could have access to his bank card.   We thought we were doing the best thing by making sure things were paid for and that he always had enough cigarettes, spending money etc.  I also took all the mail that seemed to be related to his finances and said I would give them back when he was well.   During this time whenever we gave him cash a friend of his would visit and Paul would give her the money.  This frustrated us but at least we knew he had what he needed.

He got really mad with us about us controlling all this, which I can understand but we were honestly doing what we though was best.  After a while we decided to give him more control, the money was such a wedge between us.  We started just taking the money from his benefits that he needed to pay for his house and gave him the rest of the cash to buy his own things (e.g. tobacco etc).   However this still was not good enough and eventually we gave in and Paul insisted that he control his own money completely.  As soon has we gave him the bank card he gave it to this same friend and since then she has been taking his benefits out and spending them on herself.  Leaving Paul with nothing.  In Paul’s view he is helping this friend.  In the mean time he calls us all demanding money and cigarettes.  The staff call us and say we need to bring him stuff because he is hard to manage.  It has been really hard, and we are never sure what to do.  Give him stuff because it is horrible to see him without anything and carry on paying his bills etc, or stop and hope that he realises the consequences of his actions. 

As well as this Paul is also desperately trying to get access to the credit cards, store cards and accept loans.  He wants access to money and he wants to give this friend more than just his benefit money.  At the moment I have all the letters unopened and I am refusing to give them to him.  However this last week he has started ringing round to ask for replacement cards and the staff at his supported house say that Paul has demanded that they no longer give me his mail.  I understand that we don’t have a leg to stand on about restricting all this, but it all seems a bit ridiculous, the whole team agree that he is still very unwell but they don’t seem to know if there is anything we can do to protect him. 

In ways it is quite funny, in that Paul and I are almost trying to outwit each other. I took him out this Wednesday after his review, so that he could go to the bank to see if he had any money.  When we got there all is money had been drawn out by his friend, so he had none for the week.  I decided it might be nice to take him to lunch at the local department store before we went back to the hospital.  But once in there I was unable to stop him reordering one of the store cards that he had applied for before his admission.  One that he had never got hold of because I have his post!  He is always about 10 steps ahead of me!
 
I wonder what you all think of this maybe I have been doing the wrong things but I can honestly say I have been trying to do what I think is best.  I know Paul wouldn’t be trying to get into all this debt if he was well or giving all his money away.  I am honestly worried about the position he will have to face when he is well if I don’t try to protect him from some of this behaviour. 

Anyway for now at least I think that now his care team have realised that they need to be more active about managing this behaviour as he really is only like this when he is unwell.  I think they may have thought that we were being too protective.  Maybe we were.  Anyway at least now they are trying to see how they might be able to take on some of the responsibility.  I‘ll let you know what happens. 

I also wanted to say a big thank you to all of you that read my blog.  Sometimes I just feel like I don’t know what to do next or that there just isn’t anything that I can do but reading the support and advice on the comments truly helps me.  It reminds me that I have to keep trying and it gives me strength.